Thursday, January 8, 2009

Lessons in Massages

No, I'm not going to teach any porn moves. Dirty minds. Get out of the gutter.

Yesterday I realized that my back was really hurting and that I would be in a much better mood in general if it didn't hurt. This is especially important since I told the kids about the stupid happiness factor and that I would be the spoke of happiness in the yearbook room. Dumbass. Why did I do that.

Back on topic. So, I went to Massage Envy which is kind of like the Taco Bell of massages. I'd say McDonald's but it isn't THAT consistent. I mean you go anywhere in the freaking world and you know exactly what your hamburger is going to taste like in McDonalds. Taco Bell, you MOSTLY know, but sometimes it is a little off. Sigh. Again, I digress.

I was thinking about how I had to be sure and say that I wanted a deep tissue massage. One time I went and got this totally fluffy massage. Worthless. I know some people just like to get the fluffy massage, makes 'em feel good, like they are being pampered, but it doesn't really help the muscles. For instance, see below: clearly this woman is barely getting a massage at all. Pure fluff.
Me. I like a nice deep, dig in and get rid of those knots kind of massage. Go ahead, try to make me wimper. The thing about a deep massage is that there is a wee bit of pressure at the time. In fact, I've been known to let out an operatic cry a time or two as the masseuse really hit a hard knot. And, sometimes it feels like I might have a bruise from being knocked about by a future dominatrix or, at the very least, a total sadist. It's worth it, because I know, that in the end everything feels better.

My dearest amiga is not really a massage girl. I know, in part, it is because she is not really a throw your clothes off for a complete stranger so that they can rub all over your body girl. That's ok. I understand, although usually I tell her that it is totally modest, nothing to worry about. Occassionally though, even I get a little nervous.

Last night's massage was great. He dug in, worked on my neck a lot which hasn't been done in ages. It felt much looser and better at the end. However, there were a few times when I though to myself . . .hmm, self, I wonder if you are totally exposed to this stranger. Huh. Hope not. That would be really awkward if so.

Another visual aid, see how the sheet is covering the body and it is right at the bottom of the cheek and it is under the exposed leg so as not to allow air flow where there need be no air flow . . . (my dearest amiga is looking at this thinking NO freaking way). . .but I'm not sure that I had this much coverage at one point during the massage. Again, let me say, he totally was professional, and he wasn't inappropriate at any point, which made me feel ok, but still . . . So, as I lay there getting my little massage, I thought about all the different types of massages and how sometimes it takes a while to really appreciate how great it was and sometimes they are great, but still make you feel a little exposed and nervous. I think life is like that too.

1 comment:

  1. Interesting analogy at the end. I'll have ponder that. Maybe during my next deep tissue massage. I've never tried Massage Envy but I know what you're sayin' about Taco Bell.

    Now, one little request - you through me when you said people felt papered during fluffy massages. Did you mean "pampered" by chance? I'm left wondering about these feeling papered business.