Saturday, November 23, 2013

I am...

Watching "Elementary" this morning as I get organized for my day and the immense amount of work I've set for myself to accomplish. Sherlock at the end is giving a speech about who he is saying he's neither proud of it nor does he apologize for it. I need to work on having the same response. I have been thinking a lot about that lately, especially after the chaos of the fight with PR and other things.

Both at school and in my personal life, there are times who I am is not what people think I should be. There are times who I am is almost shocking to others. That much honesty, that much unvarnished truth is not as appreciated as one might think.

I am honest. Sometimes painfully so. I am without a filter. I say things without thinking; sometimes just because I think I'm funny (turns out not always) and sometimes because I say the truth without remembing everyone doesn't want the truth.

I am a Christian. I don't always represent my believes well, I sometimes make choices that I regret because they don't serve God the way they should, but I am strong in my believes. I hope that I can become a better Christian day by day and that I can reveal my faith in ways that makes others want to know more and believe in God themselves.

I am a hard worker. Some might say I am a work horse. I am a believer in doing my best or doing nothing. I believe in that for those around me too.

I am a dog lover; much more than people. Many people know that. Some don't fully believe it until they spend some time with me.. then it becomes clear. On the upside I am loyal like the dogs I love.

I am an optimist. Even when I am I am speaking with the words of a realist or even a pessimist, I am still at heart optimistic. I do believe things work out the way they are supposed to work out.

I am dependable. I do what I say I am going to do. I am goal oriented. I like to be moving towards something. I like to feel like I am checking things off my list.

I am a teacher. That truly has been a gift from God. I don't know how he led me to this job, but I truly love what I do. I'm not always good at it. I make all sorts of mistakes, but I am always hoping to get better. I am always striving to be better.

I am, without a doubt, a work in progress. I am hoping that day by day I move closer to who and what I want to be at the end of the day.

I am not likely to change to any great degree. I am pretty much who I have always been. I am pretty much who I will alwasy be. I only hope that I can slowly become a better me.

Friday, November 15, 2013

My hold on reality is weak at best...

Well, if you have been following my twitter. You already know most of this because you have been getting the play by play as everything has unfolded. It turns out, I might be one hellova an optimist. Seriously, there is no other explanation. Well, that and I have no sense of space, time, numbers or physical properties. It's almost been painful...twitter does allow for the play by play. I'm going to use the GoPro cameras to record this weekend's project. Should be amusing.

 So, this is my wee house. I bought it with grand plans to fix it up and sell it. I haven't done all that much, but I'm about to get really busy.

A few weeks ago, I noticed a wet spot on the ceiling in the TV room. Hmmm I thought. I need to get that fixed. So I called a roofer, and I called the insurance company. Turns out, I'm getting a new roof. Whoop. They should help my plans to sell soon.  I figured it was time to start the remodeling in general...esp if I might be able to use their trashcan for my trash too!!  So I measured and went to Home Depot and chose my tile etc. to final do the kitchen and TV room floors.

I originally was buying the backer board and tile etc for both the tv room and the kitchen. Then I thought, maybe I should just do one room at a time. I called my friend Daisy and asked if she could help me get it all home...she has a minicooper too by the way. She said sure.

So there we are at home depot trying to get all the stuff home and both mini coopers are riding low. I mean really, really low. A home depot guy looks at our cars and says no. "Please let me get our truck and deliver it." We were going to but the guy was gone. "I can find a guy, " he said. Please see below. I don't know how I thought that was all going to fit. There is no way. Look at all of that stuff!!

So, they take it to my house. My garage is now quite full of tiling supplies.

Yesterday, I started the work of pulling up the laminate. I can get it all done in one day I said. Then I can tile in a day, and then grout in a day.  I started pulling up the laminate. Hmmm. Harder than I remembered.

Several hours into, I managed to pull up the two layers of laminate, although there was still the backing left behind..  I was using a scraper, a mallet, a very sharp instrument whose name I don't know. It was slow tedious and painful work. There was a lot of cursing.

By the end of the DAY I had a 3 ft by 3 ft square cleaned and looking good. My hands and back were permenantly curled, and my entire body hurt... but I had a square done... This is going to take more than a day. It was a good looking square, but wow it took a lot to get there.

So, I have revised my schedule. Assuming I can manage to go home each evening and work on a 3x3 area... I'm hoping I can pick up speed and maybe get more done on weekends.

So, now I figure it will take me two weeks to get the the laminate flooring up. Can't imagine how long it will take to lay the tile...I'm now guessing more than a day. Damn.

Monday, November 4, 2013

I don't even know what to write

Honestly, there is so much crap that has been going on, I don't even know where to start.

Work life has gotten extremely easy now that I am no longer responsible for the centennial book. I feel horribly guilty that the kids got screwed out of being a part of something really cool because someone with power decided to get pissy over a personal matter, but wow do I like having free time.

I'm planning to buy tile to do the kitchen and TV room before Thanksgiving. At least that is my plan.

The dogs continue to fight and I've got quite the gash courtesy of the 15lb terrorist.

Bubbles is better since her unintended bath, but the horn still doesn't work, so I need to take her back in. Poor baby.

And really, nothing exciting is happening beyond that.

Monday, October 21, 2013

I have been tramatized

Truly. Tramatized. The idea that someone I considered a friend has turned out to be a lying, deceitful, manipulative bitch is depressing. I clearly didn't know her at all.

And if I forget that for even a second, I'm pretty sure there is a hilt sticking out of my back from where she drove the knife in. Brutal. Just brutal.

It's bad enough that she has lied to an incredible number of people about everything from her knowledge base to whether or not she gives a holy shit about me, but that is just the beginning.

She didn't come to me and say "hey we have a problem" or "I have to tell you something before I go to God and everybody."

No, she just walked in bitched me out and then walked out. The rest of the fall out is just fall out. Beginning to end: she is a deceptive bitch.

God willing, she will not show up at my book party Wednesday. I swear I'll punch her.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

It's been 2 months and a couple of days...

since my last blog post. How sad is that? Cause Shit has been a happening. I mean it. Let's see.

School started. Responsible for the production of the largest yearbook in the country AND a 250 page centennial book is kicking my ass. I am literally doing TWICE the work for the exact same pay. I am working 10-12 hour days Every. Single. Day. I'm tired. Flat tired.

I left the top down and allowed Bubbles to be rained on. Killed the eletrical system. I can not believe I did that. It was a very expensive lesson.

Now I am learning a harsh lesson about .. I don't even know what. Truth? Misjudging people?

I can't even go into details except to say that being confronted with what someone says to you, and what that person says to others and realizing that what they want others to believe doesn't relate to reality. What a bummer.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Reporter loses job for blogging

Stories like this are good reminders for me. One, what I write can get me in trouble no matter how well I think I've separated this blog from my real existence. Two, not everyone gets humor. Or thinks I'm funny (no matter how crazy that sounds.) Three, writing is a release. Having an audience allows for feedback, and we live in a world where no one ever wants anyone to step out of the "politically correct zone" Employers and vigilantes suck.

In other news, the real estate book (2nd edition) which I was supposed to have totally completed by the middle of July has at least finally gone to the printer. Still have proofs, but I'm a hellofa lot closer than I was a week ago.

Next: the real estate exam. Then school starts. ug.

Friday, July 26, 2013

All the shit I have stopped doing

I need to change some things. I am basically cranky as all get out these days. I am trying to take a little time to focus internally and figure out what I need to be changing to "get happy" as it were.

1. I finally ran yesterday for the first time in FOREVER. Now, if I can just keep it going. I know I will feel better.

2. I am getting my derrierre back in church... if you've been following this blog for any length of time you should be thinking, gee this sounds familiar. I am a better person when I am going to church. I just am. So why I let myself slack off and stop going is beyond me. I'm better during the school year about saying my morning prayers before I get in the day, but I am going to work on getting back in that groove too.

3. I need to be writing regularly (see now it looks SUPER familiar because it is all the same things that make me happy and a better person that I stop doing because...well, I have no idea.) Once we get the journalism website up and running again, I'd really like to write regularly about teaching there. Really stretch my writing skills.

4. Probably need to work on my diet. However many years it has been since the gall bladder came out, I am still plagued with issues. It still isn't totally clear to me what exactly sets my stomach off, but I do know healthy eating can only help... sigh. I'm not giving up drinking though. Forget that.

5. I have got to get back on schedule working on the house. I haven't done anything in months, and I can feel it slipping away. I learned how to tile last weekend when my BIL Jim came to town. He is awesome. I am ready to tile, but I have to pull up all the laminate, and then get the pantry put in... so it's the usual time and money. ug.

I'm sure there is more I can kvetch about, but I'm going to stop here. Maybe I can write something profound and soul searching soon. or not. It's really a crap shoot.

I used to be so good at this

I think of things to blog about all of the time. But do I blog? No. I do not. AND since I use this as my journal it means I now have huge gaps in my "memories." tragic really. Now, I have to write brief notes so I have a small chance of remembering things.

Did I write about the trip to Europe? No. And there was a lot to write about. The guy leading the trip was a bit of a wack, and I knew before the trip that I was worried. The kids were GREAT as always, but he just made me tired. I'm glad I went, but I'm glad it is over. At the end of the trip he said I had too many opinions, I talked too much and I cussed. hahaha. As if anyone who has spent 30 minutes with me in the last 20 years couldn't tell you that.

Side note- I took a ton of photos of people practically having sex in public. It was almost a theme of the trip. Total weirdness. We also went to the beach in Rome. Very lovely. I had a lot of fun having not done that before.

Another side note - I would check in with the dog sitter. Totally had to beg her for photos. Seriously, it got to the point I was requesting proof of life because I thought one of them might be dead... sigh.

Palm Springs. I can safely say that Texas is not hotter than hell. Turns out Palm Springs in July is. I went with my friends Scott and Lisa. I had a totally fantastic time. Probably one of the very best vacations I've ever had. Despite the fact after laying in the sun for ten minutes at ten am on the first day the little piece of metal on my swimming suit had literally burned my flesh requiring a wardrobe change!!

Teaching Jostens yearbook camp for three days was the usual BS. The big excitement was that for once when people got pissy with each other I was not at the center of it!! HA I enjoy it, but there are a lot of women that are a little too crazed about yearbooks etc. I just can't get that torqued up over it all.

The Gracie and Dixie continue fighting like mad things. I haven't figured out what I am going to do about that.

I am working desperately to fininsh the damn real estate book and then hand it off to the committee with a thank you and goodby. I am  totally and completely ready to be done with it.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

I'm raising a 15lb terrorist

It's embarrassing. Either of the other dogs could sit on her, but we are all terrorized but the little rat. She looks pretty cute, doesn't she? She is snuggly, she is quite sweet when she wants to be.... she is also an utter hellion when she is full out barking without giving any indication of what it is she wants. 

Side note, I will say I think Dixie starts growling/barking at Gracie as much as Gracie tries to start stuff with Dixie. Of course Dixie is trying to warn Gracie away. Gracie sees it as a line in the sand she clearly needs to cross to show she is not scared. 

I have been diligently putting them both in their kennels when they start yelling at each other. It's quite tiresome.  They spend a lot of time in their kennels... 

Sunday, June 16, 2013

End of Day 7

First and foremost, I am TIRED people. We have hauled our asses through Italy...and tomorrow at the ass crack of dawn we will be getting up to head to the airport and Paris. But we won't be staying in Paris, oh no. We will be getting on a bus and riding for God knows how long out to the beaches of Dday. As I told the girls, these are not your laying on towels staring at others kind of beaches...these are the sharp jagged how did anyone survive Dday beaches.

I'm sad to be leaving Venice, because I quite love Venice...but I have to admit, I'm starting to think about Mexican food a lot and I really MISS MY DOGS. I kept asking the dog sitter to send photos... I don't know if she thought I was kidding or what... Not kidding. FINALLY she sent me my proof of life photos...
I realize it is hard to tell in these photos...but they miss me terribly. Clearly, broken up over my absence! 

We started realizing we were getting bit by mosquitos or something in has continued in Venice. Most unpleasant.

When I get home I have lots of photos I'll be posting with stories..if I can remember them.

I'm having a terrible time tryinig to blog. I can't get pictures to upload for diddly, my eyes are burning all of the time and I am feeling very old...5 days of being coherent left...then on a plane.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Tues: 7:20pm

Holy crap am I tired. We traveled Sunday to Monday ... arriving in Rome after noon. The kids were troopers. I took a poll, and only one said she slept at all. The rest of us appeared to be awake for most of the first flight for sure.

I saw Argo, "Aw go fuck yourself" inappropriate but funny.

Bruce Willis hard day to die? very funny... I love a good bang bang shoot em up...

Silver lining playbook...really enjoyed it.

At any rate, we walked, and walked and walked yesterday. By Amsterdam we had a nose bleed, a barfer and a lot of exhastion... by Rome we were just moving... we saw the Coliseum and went to dinner. No one face planted in their pizza. We put that in the win column.

Today we went to the Vatican... loved it as always, but there was no time for the Vatican store which upset me. I like to get a cross each year... call it hedging my bets...

had lunch then I took a group shopping.. .yes, I got a couple of things. Couldn't help myself.

Now sitting at a cafe with Christal...sooooo glad she is the 3rd chaperone... and drining a Vodka Limone Scheppes...LOVE IT.

Dinner not tell after 8pm I may die.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Leaving in a couple of hours

School was out last Friday, but I've been working with next year's editors all week. I think they are pretty well on top of things, so that is good. I've been on the interview committee for the new video tech teacher which has been an interesting endeavor. One of the interviews was honestly one of the longest 45 minute periods of my life. Torture.

I've been sick for over two weeks. I finally caved and went to primacare Thursday evening. Verdict: Bronchitis. Atleast I have some good meds now.

I didn't start laundry until Friday night, and I hadn't packed diddly up to that point either. I spent all of yesterday packing and cleaning. I hardly slept last night and woke at about 5am. I continued cleaning this morning. I think I can say, this house is the cleanest it has ever been. I'm very impressed with myself. Of course if the dog watcher shows up more than 30 minutes after I leave there is NO TELLING how horrify it might be. Damn dogs.

I'll be blogging the trip inappropriately here (haha) and for the parents at

Sunday, May 19, 2013


I was reading an article in O Magazine recently about Brene Brown a University of Houston professor.

She wrote a book. In it she wrote, "If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path." I love profound thoughts. I love thinking about them, trying to wrap my brain around them, and contemplating the truth found within them. This qualifies.

Vulnerability is such a scary concept. To open oneself up to someone else and give them the opportunity to hurt us doesn't seem like it would be a good idea in and of itself. However, to grow closer to another person, to truly learn more about that person and to recipricate requires vulnerability.

In fact, I think that when we have relationships and we refuse to be vulnerable with each other, we either force the relationship into stagnation, or, if we are vulnerable and then regress, we run the chance of the relationship dying. Vulnerability can be the oxygen that feeds the fire of the relatioship or when denied, the lack of it kills the relationship.

Just saw a movie preview that says "Fear is a choice." Seems to go right with the idea of vulnerability. Maybe succumbing to fear is a choice. Bravery is facing ones fear. Bravery in the face of danger, bravery in the face of vulnerability. It takes bravery to be willing to be vulnerable. To let others know how we are feeling. To give others the opportunity to hurt us emotionally. To be willing to face oneself and ones insecurities and inadequacies is quite scary.

I have always loved self-analysis. Thinking about why I do things and thinking about the characteristics that hold me in good stead, and those that cause me any problems. Of course with that I also love to think about others and why they do things that they do. Of course, they don't always appreciate my desire to analyze them.

In the article, Brown referenced Theodore Roosevelt who said, "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could ahve done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs (And) if he fails at least fails while daring greatly."

Which seems to imply a different type of vulnerability. The vulnerability of action. At school some of us have a joke about the wisdom of those that stay in their foxholes. By not poking their heads out, they reduce the opportunities to get in trouble.  It means that a small number of people end up doing most of the work (sponsoring organizations, taking on outside duties etc) because most people are busy NOT putting themselves out there.

I like the idea that I am in the arena. My face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. I do strive valiantly. I face my fears, I choose bravery and if I fail, at least I put myself out there. I am willing to be vulnerable with the people closest to me and I am willing to put myself out there in the world in front of others. Doing things.

Gotta love them where they are

A friend of mine recently gave me this sage advice. I can't remember what I was kvetching about, but that was her response.

I realized later that it was a pretty good philosphy for me to follow across the board.

I'm thinking about all of the times I get frustrated with people and/or annoyed, and I realize often it is when people don't do things the way I would do them or respond to things in ways I think they should.

Certainly my parents have puzzled me for quite some time. Instead of constantly being annoyed about their unwillingness to talk about things that have happened or frustrated by the way they do things, I just need to love them where they are.

We're all in different places in our own journeys through life.  If I can remember to just let go and love people where they are, maybe I'll be less fraught with tension. We'll see.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Quick Trip to San Francisco

Can't remember if I wrote about our journalism website which currently sucks. As does the iphone app. Mostly, to be honest, I blame the newspaper staff because they said they would take it over and be in charge. They took it over, but now it sucks. So, I've been working for months on what we need to improve it in general, to recreate the iphone app so it looks better and does what we want it to do and how to organize the staffs to make the whole thing function better.

Needless to say, I have been learning a lot. My brain, in general these days, hurts. I asked the principal if he would let me attend the spring national journalism convention to attend sessions and hopefully track people down who can help us. He said yes. Sadly, didn't work out as well as I might have hoped.

I had started feeling under the weather last Monday. By Thursday morning, things weren't looking all that great for me. I stopped off at Minute Clinic on the way to the airport to ask for anything they could give me to stave off the illness headed my way. Of course they said it was a cold and there wasn't jack diddly I could do. Fan freaking tastic.

By the time I arrived in San Francisco the mad blowing of my nose and throat itch were in full swing. My cousin GK picked me up (did I forget to mention the marvelous side piece was that I would get to see my cousin?) We picked up his fiancee and went to dinner. She chose a restaurant that is right on the water. It was AMAZING. So beautiful. We had a great time, and then they dropped me off at my hotel.

Friday was a misery. I went to sessions, but could feel myself getting sicker and sicker. I felt terrible for anyone who sat near me...they were in the path of disaster. I was a walking petrie dish of illness.

Friday afternoon I laid down in the hotel and pretty much didn't get up until Saturday morning. I went to a couple more sessions and then my cousin picked me up. He had talked to me Friday about checking out of the hotel early so that I could go to their house and be taken care of. THAT is love I tell you. So, we headed out to their house on the other side of the mountain in a town called Lafayette. (Side note: his ex lives in Lafayette... Louisiana.)

It was really lovely. Despite feeling miserably ill for most of the trip, I did get good information and I got to hang with my cousin. I'm crazy about his fiance and her kids. I can't wait for them to be official members of the family.


It's time. 
What are you going to do? 
Do you want to save the friendship or not? 
Gird your loins, make a choice, do something, one way or the other. 

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Gonna get fired...

So I've spent the day trying to clean up ad sale messes courtesy of the ads staff. I've also been dealing with lots of moms that didn't quite take care of their child's senior ad etc. It's tiresome. In addition, I am going to be gone tomorrow and Friday, so I am telling all of the students they are not to accept anything from anyone in relation to ad sales. I've also sent notes to the admin assistants in the building saying don't take anything. Someone will still squirm by, but I'm trying.

I went downstairs to get a teacher rec for  a Hi-lites app and look for a check that a parent dropped off. Pretty sure I had a cranky look upon my face. Another teacher stops and asks if I'm ok. I mutter under my breath, "Mothers." I see two moms at the copier ... "are the best" I conclude.

Thank God I heard them laugh. Doesn't always go that way though.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Life is still whizzing past

Ok, so I got the new car. Whoot! Whoot!! And senior ad sales ended today... the list of people I was pissing off today was extensive. Apparently, my obnoxious need to be consistent is quite offensive. Go figure.

In addition, there were a series of emails courtesy of various parents regarding various issues all of which were combining to make me NOT want to be there.

I leave for San Francisco Thursday. We have testing this week, and although my desire to take kids to this national convention was shot down, I did get the administration to let me go so that I can hunt people down, attend sessions and continue working on how we are going to change our entire program...although I'm not changing it with someone who doesn't like me and someone who hasn't been hired yet.

Let's pause for a minute. Let's pause and think about the fact if I had a brain in my head, I would keep my head low, keep my mouth shut, and ride out my career without making it more difficult for myself by trying to improve things or doing a better job for the kids. I SHOULD be saying screw 'em, nooooo trying to improve things. Idiot.

Back on topic. The yearbook staff is supposed to be done with the spring mag. They are mostly done, but the final spreads, that couldn't seem to be finished...yeah, those were done by the upcoming senior staff. Doing a terrible job. In addition, two of the senior staff have let me know they are planning to not be at school for the full work week. I can't tell you how pissed I am. So, we'll be having a come to Jesus. IT'S FREAKING APRIL!!

I haven't packed. I haven't cleaned. I haven't gotten all my school work done. Aaaaaauuugggghhhhhh

Life Moves Pretty Fast...

Sometimes there is so much happening that I can't even keep up. I found out last week that Blondie (who I love dearly) has decided to take a job in video production. For her, well, it's awesome because it is what she really loves and there are no crazy parents. For me, well, it sucks. I will miss her terribly.

In the meantime, Red, the newspaper adviser, has decided that I'm a horrible person and she can't work with me. Really a good time. Personally, I think she is feeling inadequate and perhaps a little jealous. Nobody likes to know that they are sucking at their job. And my guess is that she doesn't like my teaching style, and it makes her mad crazy that the kids love me and they do a great job despite me. (I know that sounds weird, but believe.)

At any rate, by last Saturday I was working on my taxes when I realized that kind of depression required shopping. And shoes just weren't going to cut it. So I bought a car. Gotta tell you. Felt really great the rest of the weekend. That retail therapy totally works.

Actually, I confess the plan was to just test drive. Escape the taxes for a little bit. Next thing I knew, I was signing the papers on the new car. Side After I signed all the papers etc, I walked out and discovered it had a racing stripe on the front. AND mini names their cars. Mine is Bubbles. Tell me that isnt' a perfect name for her!

Apparently when convertibles go in for service, they check how much the top has been down. I have had my top down quite a bit!! I have missed having a convertible terribly. It has been big fun to drive it to school and have everyone love on her. She's awesome.

It looks darn good in my garage too! Oh, and by the end of the weekend, I had done my taxes, and I was getting a refund!!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

In the category of things that can get me in trouble...

Wanna hear a fun story? Wanna? Wanna?

Soooo a few years ago the parents in charge of Prom decided they really didn't want any school personnel there. The school put the kabosh on that, but there are only 5 teacher chaperones, the two stuco sponsors, yours truly, and two male teachers that have done it for years. We enjoy getting dressed up, seeing the kids and taking tons of pictures with soon to be graduates. It's a good time all around.

Fun stuff: they usually had celebrity look alikes..a Elvis...whatever there to greet the kids and take photos with them etc.

They change the theme each year and probably try to outdo each other. One of my favorites was the year they had goldfish at all of the tables. I was horrified they had no plans for the end of the evening and said goldfish. Back then, the Biology teacher and I were friends, and she worked prom too, so we set about saving the goldfish. We took them all up to school and dumped them in the tanks there. It was a merry good time.

This year, the prom committee in its infinite wisdom decided to change things. This year's theme... cruising the night away. That's fine and all. But they told us that they wanted us to wear the prom shirt and white pants or Khakis. Let me be clear. I don't own Khakis. They don't look good on me, and I don't carry the butch look very well. I mean that as no slander to anyone except myself. In addition, I do own ONE pair one white pants. They are very nice, and loose enough with spanx, but I am quite careful about what I wear them with and what I will be doing. Let's be honest, white on an ass of this size, Just. Ain't. Pretty. AND they said comfortable shoes. Are you kidding me??? It's prom. I will not be in comfortable shoes. I will be in heels and I will look gggggoooooodddddd.

What ever bulemic insane mother came up with this idea is just mean spirited. I guarantee she didn't come up with something she didn't think SHE would look good wearing.

In addition, at one point we were told that since they decided not to hire the "characters" they thought it would be nice if WE helped carry out the theme." I'm sorry what? If they think they can stink me in a Minnie Mouse costume next year as part of their freaking theme they are NUTS.

So, the stuco sponsor sent us an email...
 I told some of you I would ask about the attire…here is the response below. (Admin is not dressing up because they do not want to be casual if we happen to be on TV for an unfortunate event). “Am sick about the teachers- We feel it is the kids' prom, not ours to dress up for & definitely felt we looked more 'official' if we were in white shirts all as a group. tell them to wear what they want. I give up. the 53 parents will be wearing white. We are all sick that the principal can't be the Captain of the Ship- think kids would have really liked , remembered that.Of course, i defer to what he feels is best. thanks for the heads up”

Last  night, I rested my head upon my pillow...and fretted. The shirt is white. There is a fair amount of extra at the bottom. Now that means I'm either tucking in the white shirt to the white pants for a spectacular middle age ugly look OR leaving it hanging out.  You want to see kids be upset. Talk to the kids that will be scarred from seeing me in all white looking like the Michelan Man's not so little sister. Horrific People. You can't erase that image once it's been seen!!

Then. It came to me. They want me to look like Julie the freaking cruise director. They got it. So, today, I made an ID for myself...
 I'll wear the white pants. But I've got the cutest little navy jacket that I'll match with my uber cute new red pumps and my ID. 

Side note, I made a badge for my buddy that says, Gopher, your yeoman purser. BAM I'll give you freaking cruise personnel.

Cause that's how I roll baby.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

My next project

Yeah, I know. I don't have enough going on. My friend, PR, moved to a new house. Amazingly enough, at 30plus minutes from work, she'll be a lot closer!!

The house brand spankin new though it is, is smaller. So, I got to inherit a couple of pieces! The first has been in her garage story tennis equipment and such. I saw it ages ago and began my coveting.

I knew it could make a smashing liquor cabinet. It's been so long, I've actually attempted to buy a couple of other cabinets to turn into a liquore cabinet, but none of them quite did it for me. So, I finally gave up and just waited patiently for the MOVE, so then it would be mine.

As a quick side note, they hired off duty firement. Oh. My. I say. Oh. My. As much as I love the movers that have moved me every single time...I'm pretty good at packing my shit up at this point, and those firemen were delightfully good looking. How they managed to get my new items in the car is beyond me. In addition, it brings home my concerns about what type of car I should get next, I love convertibles, but the SUV is very useful.

My plan is to find two thin mirrors to place on the doors. I also hope to paint it silver.  It shall become a most fabulous bar...hopefully without the dog crates to the left.

Then inside I would love to find some cool wallpaper to paper the whole thing. I've already removed the wardrobe hook at the top, and it had two hooks at the bottom that I've removed.

 I've found a wine storage unit that can fit in the cabinet, but I will have to cut a bit of the back to make room for the two inches. Then I can add shelves above the wine storage and to the left.

I also got a dresser that is now under my TV. I wish it were darker, but it matches the chest next to it. Of course, I've been staring at the chest for months trying to decide what to do with it...

I like the lines on the dresser a lot, but I kinda want to paint it... decisions, decisions.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I have a confession

I haven't washed my hair in a week. And it feels gross. Let me be clear. It. Feels. Gross. But I am so damn tired when I get home, that I don't have the energy to wash it. I'm going to wash it tonight. I really am. But at the moment I am sitting here dog tired, ready for bed. At the same time it has been weeks since I blogged, and it has really been bothering me. I think of things all of the time to write about, and then I'm too tired or too busy or I just freaking forget.

I was in NYC for a week with students on a journalism trip. I hate washing my hair in hotel showers for many reaons, but mostly because I never know if the water pressure will be enough to get the soap out of my hair. 

I got back and I have worked my ass off since. It is ridiculous to work 10 - 12 hours a day. In addition, my brother and his family came to town (a surprise visit if you ask me since my mom says she found out last week. whole nother story there.)  I went to the parentals last night.  

I need to get ahead of the long list of shit I have to do. I'm not sure of how I am going to do that, but I know I need to. That's the first step right? Ug. Not sure this weekend is going to do anything for helping me get ahead because I'm full up this weekend too, but maybe I can get something done. I don't know, say my taxes. dammit. 

Side note: the dogs are nuts. And they all want to touch me at night and to be honest they make it hard for me to sleep because they allow for NO movement. 

Thursday, March 14, 2013

When is the fun?

I have spent most of this week working on the real estate book. For those of you who have been paying attention, I spent most of Christmas break working on the same thing. I have literally not gotten dressed multiple days in a row, spending 16 hours on the computer typing madly.

The good news, of course, is that I have made serious progress. My poor friend PR still must do an impressive amount of editing to get it publication ready, and I haven't even begun the cleaning up the design portion of my work, but I'm getting closer.

I still have a couple of things I need to do for school. (Of course, I postpone those for as long as I can.)

Today, I am finally getting to do something fun. I'm meeting up with my friend, Colleyville. I love her. She makes me want to be a better person, and she's big fun. Also, she's a hellova designer, so I get to pick her brain about ideas for the house.

I meet with The Boys tomorrow morning, so I pretty much need to have my act together. Then I'll be on the final 48 hours of the week having accomplished almost nothing on my list. It's almost demoralizing.

Oh, and if I don't get my act together soon, I'm never going to get to study for the real estate exam and take the stupid thing.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Thomas Kempis, Have you heard of him?

Yeah, I hadn't either. And yet, the other day when I was distraught that someone wasn't doing things the way I thought they should, my sister pulled out this Thomas Kempis quote... 

"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be."  

Oh Thomas, you medieval monk you! How wise your words are, and yet how very difficult to keep that perspective. 

I knew as soon as I heard them that they would require a blog post. How often does it happen that we have expectations of how someone else should be behaving and when they fail to meet our expectations, we are upset? For me, probably much more often than I should allow it to happen. I know better. I've been in this world long enough to know that expecations cause more trouble than almost anything else. 

Now, as an aside, I will say when I tell a child to specifically do something and she fails to do it, well, she is making her own bed. And she gets to deal with those consequences of making me angry. I might have had an expecation, but I made sure she knew the expectation. 

AND, when I lay out my expectations for others, I would like to think it is reasonable to expect them to meet those expectations or to tell me why that is not going to happen. Hell, just tell me it is not going to happen. Because I think then they lay their expecations out for me, it is reasonable to expect me to meet those expectations or at the very least to be sure the other person knows I can't meet them. 

Because a lot of problems could be aleviated if people would just communicate. Talk. Say "I don't understand" or "this is what I need" or "you must go away right now." What has happened that it is so difficult for people to communicate? What is the fear? What is the concern? Why choose not to communicate? 

Somehow we are living in a world in which we've decided it's better to slink off rather than deal with any difficulties or unpleasantness, we try to avert trouble by dodging it rather than dealing with it and moving on. We choose to come to conclusions that may or may not be supported by fact and then we act without every communicating those conclusions or verifying their veracity.  We live in a world that is making me slightly insane. 

I admit it. I don't like it. I would so much rather deal with people that are honest and straightforward. I would rather hear the bad news and deal with the problems than KNOW there is a problem but not be able to do ANYTHING about it because no one is talking about it.  It's exhausting.  

And lest you think I was ignoring the second part of that quote let me go on... I think one of my greatest struggles is dealing with who I am versus who I want to be. I am very aware of my shortcomings, many though they may be. In fact, I've been amused more than once by someone telling me of a shortcoming in a fashion that indicates I might not know about it. Oh, I know about them. I struggle with them. One or two I've just grown to accept. They are my shortcomings and I am sleeping with them at night quite comfortably. 

Recently, as I sat discussing personality tests with someone, I mentioned that on Myers-Briggs I am an ENTJ...loosely translated as mean, cold hearted bitch ( I don't think that it is meant to be that way, it just seems to come across that way at times.) I was asked if I wanted to change that. I don't think I gave a very good answer at the time. I would love to call a re-do. 

No. In this area, I don't want to change. I think the world needs people like me, and we aren't a better place because people are scared of truth and honesty. Because in a world of "oh it is so important to be polite and to not say anything that might upset anyone or hurt anyone's feelings" Honesty, even when honesty is hard, is now considered mean and cold hearted. So, that part of who I am I do not want to change. I'm ok with that. 

BUT I do wish that I had more patience. I wish I was less uptight over things that really don't matter. I wish I had more discipline. I wish I didn't get so crabby when I'm tired or hungry. I wish I wasn't quite so cynical. 

About that honesty?  It probably wouldn't hurt if I learned to choose my words more carefully. I wish that when no one is asking for my opinion, I was better at keeping it inside. I hope that I can learn to temper my words and choose them carefully. 

So, I guess I'll keep trying to make myself as I wish to be and try NOT to be angry with others for not doing what I wish they would.... 

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Will I ever catch up?

Right now, I am thinking no. It is hopeless. People always ask how the yearbook is going. This year, I can say that the girls are fantastic, and they are doing an awesome job. That is not to say that they don't, from time to time, fail to work as instructed, or go off the reservation without telling me, but after many years of this I can say they are a fantastic group.

In the meantime, the list of things I am supposed to be working on is growing expotentially. Literally, I can't catch up. I had another teacher make a snide remark about how all I do  is send emails and answer the phone. To a great extent that is correct. I am paid about the same as a  secretary (Ok, they may make more.) and a lot of my work is that of a secretary. It's a little demoralizing at times, but there it is. If I could hire a secretary then I could focus on all of the other stuff...maybe even how to be a better teacher. Such crazy talk.

But I digress. We have formed a "website steering committee" to see if we can get the kids involved and taking ownership of the crap ass website/iphone app that our journalism department updates. Of course that is a whole nother story of shit that pisses me off. So, working on that, working on designing next year's book, working on ads for next year and choosing staff for next year, and no we aren't done with this year. Kinda a hectic time for me.

And we won't even go into The Boys riding my ass about The Book which isn't even due out until August. They are going to give me heartburn.

I probably should not get myself all torqued up in the morning. I should go back to checking stuff off my list. OK. Gonna do that.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Ash Wednesday

I was reminded the other day that both Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday/Lent are strange celebrations (kind of) to some.  Yet they are such a part of my life and family tradition that it's hard to imagine how people don't celebrate Mardi Gras and practice sacrifice in the Lenton season.

Mardi Gras, distinctly a southern tradition, is that final hurrah before 40 days of getting down to business. It's like eating cake right before going on a diet (which I'm pretty sure many of us have done.) My sister and I were discussing last weekend how our mother has always been opposed to celebrating Mardi Gras in New Orleans (the original sin city if you ask her, esp during the Mardi Gras season.)  I've always wanted to go and just stand on a balcony all evening watching the chaos below.  Not IN the chaos...just watching. One of my student's actually brought King cake to school yesterday. I thought that was fun. I went out last night with a friend, had some steak and enjoyed the evening. Not the wildness of New Orleans, but still fun.

Today is Ash Wednesday. My plan is to go to church this evening, so I won't get home until after 7. The dogs will be distinctly unhappy by then, I have no doubt. I've spent a lot of years giving things up for Lent. I recently started trying to do things instead. It seemed more constructive than destructive and since my body pretty much won't let me eat a bunch of junk food, there's not a lot of suffering from giving that up.  And to be honest, it's just better for everyone if I stay happy and drinking through the Lenton season.

So, I already started a new routine of saying morning prayers each day. I like the idea of starting my day focused on who I want to be and how I want to live. I'm also going to exercise 30 minutes a day. I figure that is reasonable. I can run on the treadmill or walk the dogs, but every day I am going to do something. Maybe by the end, I'll be back to running 5 miles a day. I don't even remember what happened to make me stop running, but my body has definitely been feeling the difference. I HAVE to get back into it!!

And maybe along the way, as I spend the next 40 or so days reflecting on why I am doing these things and what it means to be a Christian, I will manage to pick up two habits again that help me to stay focused and clear on WWJD....

Friday, February 8, 2013

Better late than never

It's February, so it seems like it is about time to do my last year's review and goal setting for the new year. I have always loved New Year's Eve for this reason. I haven't gone out on New Year's Eve in years. But I have enjoyed staying up and contemplating the year. I'm not sure what I did this year, but looking at my blog, I certainly haven't been introspective. So it is time to do that now.

Over a month into 2013, I am looking back at 2012 and thinking last year may end up being a year for the record books in a couple of ways. I mean I had some serious lows. But I also set out to make some big changes in my world.

In a lot of ways, it was a really, long, long year. Started it broken hearted, home less and pretty damn unhappy.

At least by spring break I was in my own home again. It gave me something to focus on, and it reminded me of how much I like having my own space. I have become more solitary through the years. It becomes more and more lovely to be alone in my world, doing my own thing. (This is probably not great for romance and/or long-term committments, but what the hell, it is what it is.)

The whole year has been a strange lesson on relationships. Romantic, familial, friendships. All of it.

I spent most of my interactions with my parents trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I still have no idea really. I could ask, but that's not really how my parents work. When I try to understand their behaviors and why they did some of the things that they did, I keep coming back to the theory that they are trying to sever all the ways I might be dependent on them.  It's as if they want to be sure that when they die, there isn't anything that changes in my life because they are gone. It seems premature and a little weird to me, but there it is. If that is their goal, they have been wildly successful. It makes me a little sad, but it probably is for the best. The ancillary to that is that we don't talk very often any more, and I see them even less. I suppose that will change soon enough as they get older and need to be checked on more, but as my sister pointed out, they are still visiting all the siblings, and that means they all see how my parents are doing too.

I thought it was all looking up by the end of the school year, but it turns out even in relationships one thinks are solid, a lack of communication and perhaps people just evolving into different versions of themselves can change things. For good or bad, for now or forever may remain to be seen, but sometimes change is inevitable.  That actually may be the theme for 2012 now that I think about it.

I didn't go to Europe this summer, in fact, I didn't really go anywhere. It was ok. I got a lot done at home, and I didn't need to spend the money anyway. And, I am going this year, so it's good.

I did add 2 more dogs to my menagerie. It was almost 3, but thank God my friend, Mimi took Rowdy into her home!!  Although it has been a little crazy at times, Gracie and Dixie are awesome, and I am so glad that they are part of my family.

It wasn't a fantastic year for romance, but sometimes I look at my life and think, I may just be a really late bloomer. I am in better shape than ever, I think I like myself a lot more than I have at any other time in my life, I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I have ever been before, and I think I have better friends than I have ever had before. And if the whole picture of a life is determined by relationships, all relationships, then in many ways, even without romance, 2012 was a great year. I have friends that are family. I am very lucky in that respect.

I spent 2012 being much more focused on my finances and getting my debt down. I feel like I will make a lot of progress in 2013, and THAT makes me very happy.

And, as I turn my eye towards 2013 and think about what I want for myself....

I am excited about making changes to the journalism/publications program that I think will be better for the kids and making it more fun for me. It might be some work, but I think I'll learn a lot and it will keep me interested. This  job is the perfect job for me because it IS always changing and I CAN find ways to challenge myself.

I want to keep working on reducing my debt. Not spending money I shouldn't and making choices that will move me closer to my goal. Sometimes that is extremely difficult, but that doesn't mean it isn't important to do.

I am excited about getting my real estate license, and the idea of starting a company with my friend Joanna really makes me happy. I think we are a good team, and it will be fun. We just need to start working on the details. More to come on that.

I've added a morning prayer to my routine each day. I hope that helps me to be focused each day on making choices that allign with my beliefs and with what God wants for  me.

I have not been running, and I miss it. I need to get that back in my life. It needs to be part of my routine. I want to look back on 2013 and be glad that I made that change (again.)

Relationships. Unfortunately, in ALL relationships when we aren't willing to communicate and perhaps bare our soles, our relationships can't grow. They, instead, begin to stagnant and wilt. So, for the people in my life that do want our relationships to grow and be strong, I want to focus on them. I want to do my part to be honest, and real and improve things. For those that don't, I will try to respect what they want and where they are in their lives. It's hard for me, because I would rather have relationships that feel symbiotic, but I guess there is an ebb and flow in all things. Including long-term relationships. Hmmm, might have to write more about this later too.

So, there it is. Last year summed up and this year's plan. Go team.

Work Smarter not harder

Blondie and I attended a tech convention/fair in Austin this week. We flew down Wednesday morning, and we'll fly back today. It was great for a couple of reasons.
1. It's good when we can spend some time together outside of the confines of school. I truly enjoy her company, and it was really nice to get to talk.

2. We are working on a couple of really big projects and there is NO time during the average day to get to talk about what we want to do and what our vision is for the project.

3. We each had a list of things we wanted do (meeting with vendors about products we are using/issues we are having: adobe, safari, skyward). So, we did. We tracked the people down that we needed, got the info we were after and problem solved a bunch of stuff. I basically parked myself at the adobe booth for Wednesday as they taught different sessions. They weren't advanced enough for me to learn a ton, but I picked some tidbit up at each one, so it was good.

I'm also really glad that we will be home this afternoon because it will give me my weekend to get all the stuff done at home that I need to be doing.

The downside is that being out of school for 3 days when there are just NO subs around means I had to use subs I didn't know. Subs. Because I  couldn't find one person for 3 days. Wednesday's sub was fine. Thursday's sub was a nightmare. Total Nightmare. She wouldn't let them in the office, she wouldn't let them take attendance. What a mess. So, it's been arranged for a different sub for my class today. I am praying it will go better.

In the meantime, I need to remember to work smarter not harder more often!!

Friday, February 1, 2013

So, what do you do?

My job is weird. Yes, I'm a teacher, but I teach yearbook classes. So it's not your average class. Mostly it is 25 people a class period doing 25 different things. Every day. I get to spend a lot of time answering 4, 365 questions a period. You doubt me? You shouldn't.

The yearbook is a student run publication which means I work really hard to let the editor-in-chief of each class period run the class. Be in charge. Tell em what to do.

There are a lot of questions that come with that. Also, I have students in charge of every part of the business. So, I also spend a lot of time explaining how to do things to teenagers. Who don't listen. And have the attention spans of gnats. So, I also get to be frustrated. A lot.

Also, I spend an incredible amount of time writing reminders to myself to check on things. That they have been done. That people have responded to emails, requests, etc. Teenagers and adults. Actually, it is impressive how often I am checking up on adults.

Recently one of them let me know people might not appreciate that. I get that. And maybe I wouldn't feel the need to do that if experience hadn't taught me that most people? Well, they aren't making lists and checking them off. They are not taking care of all of their shit. And I'm not saying I don't let stuff fall through the cracks, it does. But not all that often. And truly, it's usually not that important.

But I am talking about sending emails to the principal about things happening in a couple of days or weeks...and not getting responses. Sending emails confirming things, that receive no response. Not even a yes or a no. Makes me want to grind my teeth.

There are moments when I really love my job and seeing the kids do their jobs and feel good about themselves. And then there are moments when I think a well trained monkey could do my job.

Then I talk to my sister running a business down in Austin with almost the exact same stories...only ALL of her employees are grown ups. And well paid grown ups at that. At least most of mine are free labor teenagers and/or poorly paid adults. I don't know why that makes me feel better, but it does.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Beating for one, please

This week has been a killer.

I had a friend in town for two days who also happens to be a fabulous graphic designer, so he was working on yearbook (current and future) designs, the interactive yearbook design, changing our ad designs and a couple of others. Took him out to dinner Mon and Tues.

Yesterday, I taught all day. I know that sounds weird but my job is weird. I usually spend most of my day answering questions and trying to take care of the business end of running a small business at the back of the high school with no help. It means I'm always busy, but I'm not necessarily standing in the front of the room teaching each period like an English teacher. It's still a lot of work and mentally exhausting, but different.

At any rate, yesterday I was in front of all of classes directing and trying to corral the cats as it were.

Last night I had to race from school home to take Dixie to the vet because she has some nasty ear infectons. I left the vet's and went straight to school. Dixie got to hang out in the car while I stood around overseeing my editors talking to the parent's of 8th graders. Got back in the car and headed home.

Once home, I got to clean the mess that signafies both the dogs displeasure at not seeing me all day AND the displeasure of being left behind as one of them go to go somewhere....even if that somewhere is the vet's office.

I can't believe it is only Thursday. I have already worked a full week, and I still have two days to go? Not possible.

I have been making lists each day and basically getting almost nothing done. I'm trying to not let that freak me out, but there is starting to be some freaking. Especially since I'm not going to be here for half of next week. It means I really have to get organized. Ug.

And today is going to have a lot of my time be spent standing in front of the kids talking, so I'm not going to have a lot of opportunties for the organization and list checking off activities that I need.

Double ug.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

How do people do it???

I'm following about a dozen blogs now. I find myself constantly wondering how do they find time to blog regularly. Honestly, I have it on my list to do EVERY. DAY. Yet, as you can see... not happening all that often.

One, nothing happens to me. Well, nothing worth writing about. Two, I have no time. I feel like I am constantly on the move from one activity to another and once I slow down and sit. That's it. Done. Nothing else happens.

And when something does happen, so much time passes between the event of interest and my ability to sit and write about it that it somehow doesn't see quite so interesting or note worthy. It's a catch 22 people. To write about the good stuff I have to stop what is happening to write at which point the good stuff is no longer happening.  

And to be totally honest, I spend a lot of time snuggling with the dogs. They are so very sweet and warm when they are being quiet and snuggly. So I spend a lot of time working on the computer... and snuggling.