Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm in Love

Ok, don't get excited. It has nothing to do with the search for Big Love. It has to do with my job's near perfection being marred by working with a total dumb ass. You ask how? Please allow me to explain.

Well, as many of you know, I currently teach with a total dumb ass. Words cannot express how much he makes my head hurt. Examples would only touch the surface of how bewilderingly stupid he can be. There are no descriptors descriptive enough to get across what I think of him. However, if you need examples please go here, here, and here. (Actually, it's probably not even worth the effort, just go with me, he's a dumb ass.) This year there is a new teacher at the middle school teaching Journalism. She is intelligent, funny, hardworking. Blah, blah, blah. Today she came by to spend the day seeing what happens at the high school level etc. She mentions that the previous teacher had given her a shout out that she was coming back to town. (Feeling her out as it were for job options.) I stare at Mercy with the wheels grinding so hard smoke was coming out of my ears. I have an idea.

I say,"That is great, she could come back and take the middle school job, and you can take Scoobie's job." From that point forward we were done for. All we could think about was what needed to happen to lose Scoobie and how MUCH FUN we would have working together.

Seriously the only bad part of my job (ok, besides the occasional totally wacked out parent) is having to work with a newspaper adviser that sucks. I have had teaching jobs with someone I really got along well with (here the closest I've gotten is teaching one period of English teaming with a teacher I love, but that doesn't fully fit the bill) and it can really make a job tons better no matter how good it is to begin.

We have now solved the problem of whom would take her place at the middle school, now I just have to get Scoobie out. I called my Josten's man, and he was downright ugly.

"No," he says. "I'm not going to help you, then I'd have to work with him." Ok, fine, good point.

But I say, if you could even find out about job openings with schools that use that other crappy ass publishing company, then we could get rid of him AND you wouldn't have to work with him. He snorted. So wrong.

I'm telling you Mercy and I had a great time all day. We have lots in common, we live near each other. We think alike (scary for many, I know.) It would be so much fun. Sigh. Dream, dream, dream.

Stay tuned. We will continue to formulate the plan.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Why did I get out of bed?

I'm not even sure of where I should begin . . let's do this topically.

Financial: Total mess. I got a bill this past weekend for my gas bill. It seems the last time I paid my freaking bill was November. I'm pretty sure it is because every bill I have gotten since November has been outrageous so I think, I'm going to put this bill aside and call them before I pay, only I keep forgetting to call. So I get another bill and think the same thing. Now I have a bill that is almost $1,000. SHIT.

Oh, but that isn't all. I also got a bill from my alarm company saying gee you never paid so we have shut off monitoring. I called them and find out that since I only pay once a year, I haven't paid since 2006??? Are you kidding me? They couldn't give me a shout out??? So to start it back up I have to pay $250.00. Fine if I weren't in the middle of paying the gas bill.

When it gets warm I'm going to have to start working Harry Hines. I'm NOT FREAKING KIDDING. I mean I make a decent salary. Why can't I live within my means???? What is wrong with me?

Social: Need I go into detail? Suffice to say making arrangements to meet a fellow dater in this busy world is damn difficult. Especially when life keeps getting in the way. I couldn't get five minutes alone today to think let alone to say call any one and or get a call to make a plan. It probably doesn't help a thing that all I want to do is go to bed at the end of days like this. Auuuggghhhhh.

Have you ever had a person that you need to break away from but have trouble making it happen? I'm there. Have you had a friendship that just ended, but it kind of bugged you because you were like what the heck happened? Have one of those too, but I'm a total chicken and don't really want to deal with it even though it is bugging me.

School: Ah, always a good time. First, I got an email from a parent asking me when the senior ads meetings that we have each spring are going to be. I starting asking the kids. NO ONE KNEW. So, finally someone has the dates. Sure as shit, one of the dates is the night I have JUST MOVED my opera ticket to AND bought a second ticket for. Shit Shit Shit. I was ready to cry.

Second, senior ads, for the uninitiated into my life, are in the back of the yearbook. They are, literally, half the book. 8 ads managers and 500 sets of parents meet up for 3 weeks in the spring to do ads for the next years seniors. "Oh, Johnny we love you." "Oh, Katherine, you are fabulous and amazing." . . .with pictures. We make lots and lots of money. We used to make all the ad appointments on paper. Ridiculous. So I found a scheduling program and purchased it. It worked great for a year and then we started having problems.

Ok, fine, so I go to a different program this year. We've been using for camera checkout for the photographers. I'm trying to get stuff ready for ad sales, and the program is skitzy. In case you are wondering, the program is Office Tracker

Side note: All I ask is that if possible fit into conversations with everyone you know that this company has one tech guy, one sales girl and an inability to take care of business. In short, they suck pond water.

and the program was ok, but their service SUCKS. I don't need more people to talk to me like I'm stupid. If I need that shit I can call a relative. Seriously, we couldn't even add names to the program and they talked to us like we were totally annoying.

So, I found another program. These people are at least really nice, but still getting it all set up is practically killing me. I am so frustrated and annoyed with all of it.

Third, in the meantime, I am trying to upgrade my Adobe Indesign. I called to upgrade and Adobe tells me that they can't sell to education institutions. I have to call a third party vendor. OK, fine. So I call Jostens (the company that does our yearbook and that usually I LOVE.) Spoke to a woman who doesn't listen to me and is totally condesending. Really? Not to be to bitchy about it but I'm running the largest yearbook in the country with one of if not the biggest publishing bill. The truth is even if I was a baby book I'd be pissed to be talked to that way. So, I talk to her boss. Who again, doesn't really listen. I don't actually care if I can get an upgrade or adobe is wacked out and insists that I buy all new versions. We have the money. I just want the programs. Is it really that difficult?

Now, it was, without a doubt, a crappy ass day, but I do have to say that without the BF being there as I thought I would start screaming and crying at the same time and without Daisy who very, very sweetly agreed to go to Taco Cabana (please note we chose a totally cheap place since as afore mentioned I AM TOTALLY BROKE) to get something to eat and a much needed marguarita I would not have survived the day.

photo illustrations by moi but all original images snatched from the internet.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Fun with Nails

This weekend I hit the end of my proverbial rope with my nails. I mean they are short, stubby, ripping at the base. It is awful. So cruising around killing time with Daisy, we spotted a nail salon and decided to go in. There isn't much that can be done when your nails are short and worthless, and since I have been on a dating kick I figured if I'm going to do something extra, nows the time, right?

I have posted before about the joys of the nail salon. There are many posts that can be made from these experiences - Cha cha, you find the well of creativity drying up . . . I say go get your nails done!

I have loved the You Tube clip of comedian, anjelah johnson talking about the nail salon ladies. Mostly because she nails (no pun intended) the average nail salon employee.

Please be aware that when I sat down to have the solar nails done, An (that was her name) promised me, and I quote, "Don't worry. I make you look beautiful." Thank you that is all I am asking to have happen.

So, the process begins.

I realize there are ladies out there loving their long ass nails. But seriously, how do they get anything done?? I even shot a vogue pose.

After gluing them on, they sent me over for my pedicure. I tried to get pictures of Daisy, but I kept getting the stupid nails in the picture and it was hard to work the camera. Oh, and the massage action was on the chair, so the first three pictures were totally blurry until I realized what the problem was. After the pedicure was finished, I returned to get more work done on the nails. (Yes, those are pink camo pants I'm wearing.)
The rest of me didn't look any different, but I did really like my nails when she was done.
As we were getting ready to leave, I stopped long enough to get this guy working on the base of the desk. Apparently there are other uses for nail polish that we don't always appreciate such as hiding flaws in wood or laminate as the case may be.

Daisy started filming the process, and we talked about what was happening etc. As you can see, it didn't work, so you just get the realization that it didn't work. So much for professional videography. I enjoyed the part where An (girl doing my nails) took her face mask off because she didn't want to be on youtube with the mask on. I kid you not. AND we missed the part where she buffed my nails with an electric buffer and nearly buffed off a layer of skin. oopsy.

Cookies and some such

Where my intense dislike of cookies and my ability to do chit meet in a fiery blaze of WTF. So there is a blog that amuses me to no end. Miss-Ann-Thrope. I'll admit to a great extent it is because she throws dirty words around like a dog shaking off water. She's got style, she's got pizazz, she's funny.

Ok, so to comment on her blog you have to actually be a member. Turns out some people actually have soooo many people reading their blog that they have to keep freaks from getting on and commenting rudely and such. I, to say the least, do not have this problem.

At any rate, I have had huge problems logging on, getting it to accept me etc.

In the meantime, I may have already mentioned, I got a new laptop that I adore. In setting it up, Daisy and I discovered we have different "cookie" styles. Whenever I get the little message that a website wants to set a cookie, I immediately say no, not just no, but hell no. Daisy, on the other hand, kept yelling at me as we were setting up to let things set their cookies or my chit wouldn't work. Well, I realized this morning that apparently the reason I can't get Miss Ann Thrope's stuff to work is cause her site has asked me to set cookies and I have quickly and without a backwards glance responded with hell no. Sigh. Guess I might have to not be so quick on that.

Silly Dogs

It was a cold January morning when I looked out my window and saw both of the dogs sunning themselves. Are they crazy? Did they not know that they would do much better staying inside where the heat is on?

This weekend I thought I would get some video of the hellion and her companion playing. When I started the video, Buddy was on a chair behind me. So his first move was to jump on me.

Mostly, you just see how goofy the silly dogs are. Enjoy

Thursday, January 22, 2009

How do we get anything done?

I walked out of my office yesterday to this:
It is amazing, as always, that we manage to produce the largest yearbook in the country. How do we do it? Cause, really, we aren't doing diddly most of the time.

My latest addiction

I tried to go back and find the post that I knew I had written after I had an energy drink this past fall. I drank it too fast, my face turned bright red and it started burning like no other. I hauled my ass downstairs to the school nurses and tried to not freak.

The post is nowhere. I can't believe it. Afterwards, one of the kids drew a photo to help me remember the magic moment. Really. I looked just like this. The energy drink in question is Slam. It is really good stuff. I have to confess frequently when I write about being a whirling dervish it is, in part, courtesy of my little magic potion.

The addiction part is that I can't stop drinking the stuff. ('Cause that is, after all, the very definition of an addiction . . .can't stop.) Every day I have to have my Slam! Sometimes I yearn for a second one, but since I think I can't sleep at night cause of the first that I sometimes drink a little late in the morning, it is probably better to not succumb to my desire for a second.

Please note the photo below is a little blurry. That is because I took the photo right before drinking it, and I was starting to get the shakes from withdrawal.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Looking Good

Alright. I admit it. I think a huge portion of the job of POTUS and First Lady is to look good and represent us well. I like that we have a president who is poised and thoughtful. I like that his wife looked really great today. (I hated the outfit she wore on election night.)

I like today's ensemble so much, I called my mom to let her know I was studying Mrs. O's outfit to determine how I could recreate it. Don't be surprised if you see me in a variation of today's outfit some time soon.

I was thinking today that college challenged me in two ways.
1. I took Biblical Literature. If a person can take that class without suffering a crisis of faith, he/she is golden. I'm glad I took it. It taught me that my faith is about a lot more than just the words of the Bible. I am not confined, if you will, to what is written in its pages.

2. My degree in Political Science taught me that, well, none of it really matters. There have been people that voted against every president that has been elected. They were probably really upset. But guess what? We have survived every president. Some of them have been great, some have been ok, some we needed distance to give a fair assessment of their work, some we knew immediately that they had done a great job.

We have a new president. For him, against him, he is ours now, and we have a long road to haul, so get over it. He is the 44th man to take this job. It is a small group of people who have taken on this incredibly hard role. It's not a job I think I could do, so I'm grateful that there are people willing to do it.

Oh, and I LOVE the neighborhood ball. Why didn't anybody do this before? It really is about the people. I am so glad that there was a party for all of the everyday people. He arrived at the Neighborhood Ball, first thing he says, "First of all, how good looking is my wife!" How cute is that?!)

And this concludes the closest I plan on getting to politics this calendar year.

Monday, January 19, 2009


I'm going to need to decide if I'm going to blog from the phone or twitter. My afternoon class is HTML/dreamweaver. The sorry bugger teaching took control of our computers so I can't play. Sooo annoying.

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The dating poll

This has potential to be a really good time, but I have to admit only if I have readers. As it is, with my world of 3 readers at best, this is going to be a disappointment. But talk about an interactive blog!! Go me.

Create your own sms poll at Poll Everywhere

There are two different ways to poll. One is by having people click the other is by having them text their answers in. I think I will stick with the clicking.

In addition, there is a "free response" poll. So you send a text to: 99503. Start your message with 40188 and then type your message. Then everyone's responses will be here.

Learning to Gab

Gabcast! Learning to Gab #1

After the first break

Ok, I have a confession. I'm really having fun. Of course, I have no intention of relating any of this to school, but it should make my blog more interesting. . . We have learned how to do polls (which will be appearing soon) and we are going to learn to do podcasts . . .serious during date updates coming ; )
Practicing my cellphone posting. Instead of twittering?

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Inservice Begins

"Cell Phone as a Learning Tool" taught by my dear friend, KT, began my day. The class hasn't begun yet, but she is starting to get a look of concern. I think she is eyeballing the participants trying to decide who she will want to give the smack down to first. Personally, I'm laughing my ass off. I'm in the back and hiding, so I think I'm clear, but some of these people really shouldn't have sat so close to the front.

First, I have to say I love a class that begins with pull out your cell phone.

I knew I would be sitting in the back multi-tasking because I am a multi-tasking fiend. I multi-task so that I have myself occupied when things slow down. This is important because I can be very annoying to those around me with my desire to answer questions, as well as a need to make jokes and distract others. Hey, I acknowledge that had I been born 15, ok fine, 20 years later I would have been raised on Ridalin and stamped ADD without so much as a by your leave.

I'm looking around the room and it is an interesting crowd. The drama teacher who I KNOW doesn't even let cell phones near the classroom. The cheerleading sponsor and the drill team sponsor because they are all about adding cell phones into their curriculum of learning. HA. The assistant principal I love, but who I am pretty sure hasn't taught anything in a few years. The 3 4 admin assistants . . . again, not sure that they are going to be utilizing this info.

Ok, I've done other posts in the meantime, but I have to give props to my friend, KT. She did a really great job. I had fun and learned a lot. You, my blog audience, will benefit from this more than anyone, so enjoy.

Saturday, January 17, 2009


So my friend, Daisy, and I were laughing our asses off last night (as I waited for the date to show) about the idea of creating a Twitter account to post as my evenings progress. . . right before . . .run to the bathroom . . . when he goes to the bathroom . . . under the table when he's not looking . . . I mean if my social life is going to become fodder for friends and family to consider how fabulous their lives are as they do NOT go out into the dating world throwing themselves out there like a fat kid into a swimming pool . . . then maybe I have an obligation to keep everyone updated moment to moment . . . HA forget it.

Meeting friends in a wee bit at Dave and Busters . . . maybe my hunka hunka burning love is waiting for me there . . . may have to brush my teeth ; )

The details

Ok, we were supposed to meet at 7:30 . . . but I got a call at about 7pm that he was going to be late because of a car wreck. OK, at least I got a call.

I got to the meeting place a little early and was told we would have an 1 and 1/2 wait!! Crikey! Well, that's another way to help me stay up after 9pm. . .

After dinner went down to a place called Louie's, (I've yearned to go there, but have always been a little nervous cause it looked like a dive.) That was lots of fun.

Good conversation, nice guy, there's potential. Unless of course at some point I made an ass of myself and just don't realize it yet. Always a possibility.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Hip and Savvy

Ok. It is also really difficult to be hip and savvy when you blush to your roots at the mention of a date.

Kids overhear a conversation. (I am gonna have to be A LOT more careful when seeking advice from friends/coworkers. Darn those kids; they are everywhere.)

They ask me, "Do you have a date?????"

I say no . . . as I blush to my roots. SHIT. I have got to get better at lying.

On the other hand, they do recognize that I need a lot of guidance and direction when preparing for a date. . .

P.S. I'd love to give credit to whomever drew the picture but honestly I can't figure it out, so it wasn't me. I can tell you that much.

Long time no talk

It's official. You know it has been too long between conversations when your siblings don't recognize your voice.

"Hi K, it's the Diva."

Dead silence
"Your sister."
"Oh. . . what's going on?"

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Tell me your secrets . . .

I love the crime shows. CSI (all three) being my favorites, but I also love Law and Order. Part of what I really dig is that they will have an episode, say on a girl that starts a business of getting people to send her their secrets on post cards and it helps solve a crime. That sounds really interesting. Then a few weeks or months later I always find out that it is legit. Turns out the postcard thing . . . legit. There are new cards posted each week. Some of them are amazingly sad, some amazingly funny and some are bizarre.

This week the first card is: I'm totally addicted.

I keep thinking about what I want to send. hmmm. The problem is that I barf up pretty much all my thoughts and secrets on this blog . . . not much point in sending a post card on something the world already knows.

I'm living in Fear . . .

of pooping my pants. There. I said it. Yes, I'm referring to my damn gall bladder issues. Yes, I'm probably going to regret sharing this information.

Awkward it is. Some times the need to potty comes upon me so quickly that I barely have time to get up and race for the rest room. I'm starting to think I need a spare pair of pants at school . . . just . . .in . . . case. It is only a matter of time before I don't make it.

This morning I took my medicine. Had my usual breakfast of 8 peanut butter crackers. I don't know if I didn't drink my medicine quickly enough or what. I do know that this morning when I sat to go, I first checked my pants. My cheeks are red as I type this. I don't know why I am sharing. I just can't stop myself.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


I realize that if I keep posting about things that irritate me (aka poor manners), I'll have a lot of blogging opportunities, and my friends on the web will truly be able to see how uptight I am. Does that slow me down? Nope, not a bit.

Tonight I shall reflect on time. Not being on time, I think I've made my feelings clear on that topic, although I might return to it at a later time. Tonight is all about appropriate times to call people. The magic hours are 9-9. And I might even reduce it further to 10-9 just to be safe. Say, if you are calling someone you don't know at all.

Why would you ever call someone you don't know very well outside of those hours? Lack of manners? Totally unaware of common courtesy? What is up with that?

Sure I have a list (admittedly a short list) of people that I know I can call at the crack of freaking dawn and it's ok 'cause not only are they up, but they are cheerful . . . well, mostly.

I also have a list of people I know I can call fairly late in the evening. My favorite, of course, is when I can't sleep at night and I think who can I possibly call to entertain me? I call my cousin in California, because, yes, even at midnight it is only 10 there, and I know he is still awake. (Well, on weekends, I wouldn't call him that late on a weeknight, just in case.)

It sets any hope of a future relationship with a person on shaky ground when their first move is to call my ass after 9pm. Sooooooo annoying.

Like your Mom, but worse

How sweet is that? You know you are loved by your students when you make the senior wall.

What does that mean, you ask? We have a hallway wall in the high school that is painted white and blocked off into squares each year. Seniors sign up for squares to decorate. The squares stay decorated through the following year when the whole process starts over. The yearbook staff signs up for a four block that the senior staff decorates. This is this year's work. Of course it is an inside joke. I actually had to get help from one of the editors-in-chief remembering what happened. (That is courtesy of having absolutely no memory.) I took the new senior staff out for dinner. I was explaining to them how their roles would change and we would have a tighter relationship. This relationship would be different from what they have with any other teacher. I know more, I'll expect them to tell me more. Then I told them, "Basically I'm like your mom, but worse. . .

And a legend is born.

Monday, January 12, 2009

7 months later still having Issues

Yesterday I had maybe half of a hamburger at The Porch when I started not feeling all that great. I went home trying to figure out why exactly I didn't feel good. I realized it was my stomach CRAMPING. So, I laid down for an hour and felt better.

This morning I got to work and realized that I had forgotten my "girl with no gall bladder" medicine. AUUUUGGGHHH. All I had was 8 peanut butter crackers and a 1 ounce energy drink . . . within the hour I was racing to the rest room. I walked out, and then I had to race back in. I HATE THIS. It is horrifying. I am seriously considering putting an out of order sign on the door for the day. At some point I'm going to get hungry. I'll eat something that will have fat in it. I will then race to the rest room and woe be to the soul that is in there when this happens.

Jewelry making

So, in July or August I went to a cool bead store called Splendor in the Grass, got caught up in the thrill of beads, but a totally expensive necklace, a bunch o beads to make a necklace for my mom and one for me. This is how I spend money I don't have. sigh.

Ok, so at any rate, I failed to do anything with the beads. My friend, Roseanne, actually made the necklace for my mom. (It was two necklaces that could be worn separately or together. Very cool.)

I finally attended a bead making class Saturday morning. There were six of us. I was definitely the youngest one by a good bit.

First, I would like to discuss the supplies. There were quite a few required.

1. Some kind of pliers. Very specialized and absolutely important.
2. Pointy thing for pulling out "mystery knots". Turns out this actually is important especially if you are prone to bad knots.
3. Small pointy scissors. Very specialized and so terribly important. (Pretty certain small scissors can be bought anywhere, but maybe that's just me.)
4. Another pair of pliers. Also terribly important, blah, blah, blah
5. Two wooden sticks used for "stretching" the string. Absolutely fabulous and a must for everyone to own. Sigh.
6. Six ft of string post stretching and with one knot. I am very good at knot making I would like to add. I feel it is because as a young child I had deep love for buttons. So much so that I would sew buttons onto clothing for hours on end. If you don't believe me, ask my mother. She'll tell you.
7. So small you can hardly seem them . . . even in reality. The little hooky things that go on either end of the bracelet to hold the thing together.
8. Pages and pages of instructions. Most of which even after the class I don't think make a lot of sense.

So, as you can see, the class seems to require a lot of specialized stuff. I think that is tiring. I know it is in the store's best interest to suck us in and get us to buy a lot of extra supplies etc, but first, I'd really like to determine if it is something I really want to do. Know what I mean?

The knotting process is the basic knot but it has to be very tight and right against each bead. See exhibit 1. I had to draw attention to the specialized gold small sharp scissors because although I was fairly certain I had a pair of sharp small scissors at home, I couldn't resist purchasing the pretty gold ones for myself. Besides, if I ever decide to poke my eyes out, this is the pair I'll be using because they are really, really sharp. I had to get a close up shot of the string with knots. It was a two hour class and basically the entire time was spent on learning how to knot properly. Then, voila it was done. The beautiful bracelet. I would like to add a small note at the bottom. The entire reason I took this class was so that I could make a necklace just like the one I had bought. When I went in the store in December I clearly told them that is what I wanted to do. So, when in class I asked how to I make an endless necklace that doesn't have a clasp or anything, I was informed that she couldn't teach me that because that was taught in the NEXT class. I would need to take the next class to be able to do that. To say the least, I was pissed. I spent a ton of money on the stupid beads. I paid to take the stupid class. I bought SOME of their stupid supplies. I went ahead and bought some stupid clasps that can make it somewhat endless since I don't know how to do exactly what I want. Bastards want even more money?????

So, I studied other necklaces and I think I have figured a way to make it work. I'll let you know how it goes.

Hand holding vs. Kissing

It turns out in dating that there are legitimate issues and then there are the "personal issue" issues. As in,
"I don't like men who like dogs."
"Hmm. Sounds like a personal issue to me."

So, being late is legitimate. My told disdain for hand holding before kissing is personal.

I'm not saying it has to be this exuberant of kissing, although technically it was a first kiss. The goodnight kiss is included. I realize tongue kissing is totally intimate. I'm not a total freak, so somewhat of a freak.
Allow me to explain. The last two guys I have gone out with have begun the hand holding immediately.

The first one starts on the first date. . . before dinner even was served. Seriously. Like I'm trying to eat my Italian meal one-handed. That is ridiculous. He kept touching my leg and grabbing my hand. Seemed invasive to me. I guess if he had just grabbed my hand as he walked me to my car I might not have been so distressed, but the dinner hand business was just too much.

The second guy at least waited until the second date. We were in a movie. It wasn't even a romance. It was a freaking war movie. He starts grabbing my hand and then holds it like ten different ways. I researched it and even found a web page that talks about Hand holding styles this guy was hitting them all. It was distracting and annoying. Then in the car he wanted to hold my hand some more. But it was an SUV so we were holding hands across where a console would be, but there was no console, so the hands were kind of in the air and awkward. Not exactly comfortable.

I know in high school that there is lots of hand holding before you move to kissing, but it seems to me as an adult if we haven't even gotten to the goodnight kiss that the abduction of one of my limbs should come after the "our relationship has progressed past the getting to know you stage to the kissing stage."

Think about it. If they have your hand/arm, you don't have it. You have lost that appendage to their whims. I think that it becomes more intimate than the good night kiss. So, as I work my way back in to the jungle of dating. Do I hold in my dislike of the immediate hand holding and suffer through it or let this particular weirdness out? How do you feel on the issue? Am I nuts (please keep this response specific to this topic, yes, I know the general answer.) Talk to me.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Lavender Closet

There are many things I love about my current residence. The charm of the wood floors, the many windows, the neighborhood and the front porch. There are also many things that I am not keen for such as the condition of the wood floors, the stupid crappy kitchen (even if I don't use it) the sucky bathrooms AND the total lack of closets.

I can only solve one problem at the time and currently I am working on the closet issue. So I took the old breakfast nook and turned it into the master bedroom closet.

Scott, my handy dandy fix-it guy, did the work. He called to let me know that he had bought some paint that he thought would look brown on the walls. Then he called later to let me know that in actuality the walls turned out purple. Well, actually lavender. It's hard to see that, but trust me, they are lavender.
I hung all of my shirts and skirts, and they look lovely. This weekend, Scott continued work putting up shelves. There is a bar for dresses in front of the window. The shelves haven't been painted yet, but I'm going to paint them a dark brown to match the mood veneer on the front of the ones I already did. He also put up the back brackets so that I could put up a gazillion shelves for my shoes. ooohhhhhh but it all makes me so happy.

True Beauty

There have been previews for this show for weeks. I have anxiously waited for it to start. The premise is that these ten people think that they are on this show because they are so good looking. They actually are being "tested" on their inside beauty.

I think this is a great idea. This is a reality show I can get into. Many years ago I was out with one of my very favorite people in all the world, my cousin GK. I saw this guy that was sooooo cute. Gk turns to me and says, pay attention to how he treats people. There are a lot of pretty people in this world, but you need to make sure you choose to associate with people that are beautiful on the inside.

I've had this thing on the DVR for about a week now, but I am finally getting to see it.

In the first show, they have several challenges (that they don't know are challenges)
1. Waiter falls and pushes a chocolate fountain onto the group. Several girls are awful as they get upset about the chocolate. One of they guys starts helping to clean chocolate off of the other people. I think that is a good test of inner beauty. How do we react when bad things happen? I would like to think that I would do the right thing and make the waiter feel better.

2. They are left in an office with everyone's files. They passed/failed based on whether they looked at anyone else's file. I'm not sure that I would pass that one. I am a snoopy monkey. Hmmm. Maybe I would choose to do the right thing. . . not as sure about that one.

Side note: They go to be "tested" by a doctor on their physical beauty. One of the guys says no he doesn't believe you can measure beauty. I was impressed he was willing to say that.

For the Boys

I realize that dating can be difficult, and frequently the fellas are left confused and uncertain of what to do or how to behave. Today I have decide to give quick tidbits of advice to any and all looking for guidance (a couple of these also apply to the girls).

1. Timeliness. This one cannot be overstated. It is important to be on time, especially, if shall we say, you are GOING TO A MOVIE. You should get there before the movie starts, so that a. you don't miss anything and b. you don't have to sit in the front freaking row.

2. When the movie is over, don't comment on the lack of explanation at the beginning of the movie. Cause see, you didn't see the beginning of the movie because you couldn't be bothered to be ON TIME.

3. Check foot wear. If your date is in heels, please don't decide that it is better to walk down three levels of cars to get to your vehicle. She's in heels. Freaking wait for the elevator, jackass.

4. Think of your audience. If you are hanging with the guys, certainly there are all sorts of stupid rites of passage aren't we funny dummass stories you could tell. If you are on a date with someone you really don't know that well, you might want to hold out on the I was a 28 year old idiot that couldn't hold a job or my liquor. Another example, if you are, say on a date with a teacher, you wouldn't want to tell her that you sent a letter to a kid that did something totally asinine to teachers saying, "You have balls, kid, but you probably shouldn't have done that." Really? Really?(Before a Christmas party, he and a friend started drinking, then ate all of the heads of the gingerbread men that were designed for gifts for people. . . remember he was 28.)

5. Have a plan. It really doesn't matter if you are a moment to moment kind of guy. Show a little organization and a desire to impress. Have a plan. Hell, have 3 plans and lay the options out. Don't just circle the area as you try to pull your thumb out of your butt.

Ok, I could add more, but I think this pretty well covers the important stuff. The highlights, if you will, of how a guy can screw up an evening enough that the next morning he gets an email that says, "golly gee that was nice, thanks, but no thanks." Because ladies, it's just good manners to send a thank you note and to pull that bandaid off immediately when you know it needs to come off. No need to tarry in the matter.

I tried people. I really did. I even drank a lot in an effort to find him more charming. No go.

P.S. Example of the evening: Explaning what the other movies at the theater are about including Milk about the first gay politician in San Francisco who gets killed, and your date responds, "Well, I guess I don't have to see that movie since you told me the end." Try not to be toooo sarcastic as you tell him, it's a true story, everyone knows how it ends. It's like the Titanic. . . no surprise endings. Especially since you are going to see a movie that also has no surprise at the end. Dummassssss.

Friday, January 9, 2009

The Dog Bird House *with update

My poor parents live next door to a barking dog. Actually, I think this is the second barking dog in a couple of years. This one is a big, barking dog. I may have mentioned this before since my tales of woe with my next door neighbors hating my dogs have been met with lukewarm responses at best because they are so annoyed by their neighbor's dog.

Recently Dad set out to purchase "something that will melt the dogs brain when it barks." Harsh, but the fence line is right by their bedroom and the man needs his sleep. Seriously.

At any rate, the store employee knew immediately what Dad needed and proceeded to get it. It is a dog birdhouse. When the dogs bark, a high pitched sound is emitted causing the dogs to stop barking. My parents enthusiastically tell everyone they can about it.

In the meantime, I decided that I needed my own. Yesterday, it came in the mail. I excitedly opened the box, and Buddy and Sabrina immediately began checking it out. Then, I began checking it out. I'm sure I could make a whole nother post on the stupid packaging and how freaking hard it was to get the stupid thing out of the box. I got it up in record speed. Now, it hangs in all its glory facing my stupid neighbor's yappy dogs. With any luck it will make all of the dogs stop barking, but I admit I really want their's to stop first. ** update: This morning Sabrina began her harassment of me as she demands food. Jumping and barking. Barking and jumping until she gets fed. Sooo annoying. So, I think to myself, I'll put the dog birdhouse on the counter so when she barks it goes off and makes her stop.

This is where I add in the instructions in says to be careful to hold it at arms length and try to not be holding it when the dogs start barking, so as not to effect your own hearing.

I heard it kind of make a noise, I saw her react, I felt an oncoming headache. . .I've had a headache all day now. I probably gave myself a brain anuryism.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


I'm sure this has been written about endlessly, but it is way easier to be a guy than a girl. Let's say that a boy asks a girl out for a date . . .maybe even a second date for Saturday night. The guy has now done the hard part and asked the girl out. The girl's hard work, however, has just FREAKING begun.
She has to make sure that she has had the manicure/pedicure. So, say she has a manicure on a Tuesday, she then has to go back to the salon of the long mole hair and get the pedicure.
Hair. Cut. No, really, washed, (sometimes this takes forever since my hair has a tendency to clog ye olde drain.)cut (probably the shortest in time, but the most stressful. I can't help, it I'm a chicken and attached to my hair.) and then dried. (Holy cow does this part take forever. You can see steam rising up off my hair as it is dried.)And then voila. The hair looks goooooodddd. Just like this, don't you know. Outfit? Well, that is a whole nother complex task. Is there an outfit? Is it the right outfit? What is the weather going to be like? What if you don't know where you are going? That's like 5 outfits you have to have ready to go . . . Casually sexy, always a fine option, little black dress, if the weather is cold, then casually prepared for cold, but still cold with dress or cold with jeans?

Theeeeennnnnn the day of. If you are busy that day, then look out cause you are gonna be flying into that house and trying to do EVERYTHING lickety split.

I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.