Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Senior Wall 2011

Some of you might remember that two years ago, my seniors did their portion of the senior wall by quoting me.

This year they decided to quote me again. I have to's totally true.

Unbearable Sadness of Being

Sabrina and I went to see Dr. Murray Tuesday. Technically it was her annual. Dr. Murray said she had been researching options, and all she had seen was stem stell research in California. Yeah, not really an option. We discussed her infections (that would probably only get worse), the constant fight between too firm poo and diarrhea poo. We talked about how she really hated it when I expressed her bladder and that she dripped pee all day every day.

So, Sabrina stood between us, happy and bouncy, and I knew that she really isn't going to get better. And I knew it was just going to get harder and harder for me. So, we decided to just do it. She was a beautiful, happy, loving dog. I hated holding the power of life or death over another creature. I desperately wanted her to live and get better, and I am desperately sad that she is gone.

My students are unbelievably sweet. I've gotten lots of hugs, a coffee cake, flowers and a slurpee.

I'm going to make a video montage, but in the meantime here is a clip from one of her last days. It seems really, really wrong doesn't it?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Well, my goodness

Sometimes, life is just plain weird. This is such a weird little story, but I can't bear to not make a record of it.

1. So, some stranger comments on my sisters blog. Then comments again, again and again. Then comments and says my sister likes to interfere in other people's business the way HER sister does. Well, that is either Monica or me and since Monica can barely work her phone and doesn't blog, we're pretty sure the reference is to me. So, I guess HP mom. Typical. Honestly, what does someone gain by going onto the blog of a stranger and making snide comments? Really?

2. I'm rooting around blogger and I hit my final blog post on the old blog. There are 5 comments. ALL HATEFUL. But strange because they are saying mean things about me, but not really saying anything specific. Except one said that I had a crappy house on some street I've never heard of. AND I don't recognize any of their names, and when I try to look up any info to figure out who their kids are...there is NOTHING that correlates. (Twilight Zone music plays here.)

3. I click on one of the commenter's name and up pops 2 posts on her own blog. 2 exactly TWO. One of which is titled my name and picture... and she says I was trying to steal her husband, huh? If I may say so, it is a great picture of me (from my old blog) and it says I'm an old hag almost 50 with bad hair. Really? Like that IS my good feature. Who is she kidding? And 40 is NOT the new 50.

4. I get a little flustered cause let's admit that is just weird. So I decide it is time to delete the old blog. What do I do? Delete the new blog. Auuuuggghhhh

5. At least an hour of flittering about on the internet trying to get the blog back AND trying not to ball like a baby because I have lost my blog. It's not the worst thing ever because I saved it all in October when I transferred it, but A LOT has happened between October and now. This is my diary for crying out loud. It was going to suck to have lost 3 months of my life because I'm Annie quick draw with the delete finger.

6. I manage to find the "listing" of all my blogs (I appear to do a lot of deleting and starting) it asked me if I wanted to undelete - and bam it came back. Turns out Blogger knows we, the general population, aren't too swift and it gives us 90 days to regret a delete action. Hoorah for Blogger.

7. So part of their ranting was that I shouldn't be Diva because that is a singer and who am I to think I am a Diva. Now, since I originally did it tongue in cheek because no Diva would be as steeped in Shit as I currently am I've decided to keep the Diva although I was thinking I might change the name of the blog just because maybe it is time for a change. . . can't decide. If I change I'll probably go with Lessons from the front because I would like to think I am learning lessons as I go, but who knows.

Monday, January 10, 2011


I just undeleted the blog!

OK, so first I lost it because, well, I'm an idiot, and then I got it back.

Happy New Year, Dammit

Ten days in, and so far, to be honest. Not that great of a year. I've backed my car into a post, euthanized a pet and, in general, haven't done another freaking thing, except clean up after the dogs. Yup. That's it so far.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Hemorrhaging Cash

To Hemorrhage: to undergo a rapid and sudden loss. Yep. That is the word.

I take Cat to the vet today. He is so shockingly skinny, I'm not sure of how he can move around. He eats (a tiny little bit), he sits (looks happy?), but he doesn't really have his Cat spunk. He's basically starving himself to death. But he looks ok if you just look at him. And yet, we are going to the vet today to end his life. I don't want him to suffer, and I don't think he is healthy or happy. The vet agrees. Doesn't make it any easier. It sucks.

In the meantime, Sabrina goes to the vet Tuesday for a check-in. They all of the blood work etc over the holidays when the "tamale" incident occurred. I made the mistake of looking at my credit card bill yesterday. It looked like I'd spent about $1,000 at the vet alone in December. So, I sat down and actually tried to add up how much I've spent since August. It's not pretty. Especially since I didn't even add in all of the chicken, rice, pumpkin and dried cranberries I've bought. You might not think it adds up to
a lot being groceries and all, but if you look at the pumpkin alone...2 cans a day for two months at $1 a can... Yeah, it really does add up. I didn't add in the mattress pads, wet wipes, tissues and other general cleaning supplies.
Is she getting better? Well, she is way better than she was in August when the specialty vet let me take her home without her being able to stand on her own. She can walk two miles now. She still doesn't have control of her bowels or her bladder. And she has constant bladder infections. I am crazy about this dog. She is beautiful and loving and happy and I desperately want her to get better, but I just don't know if she is or if I can afford to keep trying. How Godawful is that? I don't have the money to take care of her. Ironically, looking at my bank statements and credit card, after today's visit to take care of Cat, I don't actually have the money to do anything else either. I am so unbearably sad.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

And this is what I choose to do

I have a ridiculous amount of stuff to get done. Two outside projects, all the stuff for my two beginning classes, and oh, yeah, there's a little thing called the yearbook that is switching into high gear right now. What am I doing? Blogging. Cause that's the kind of girl I am.

This should be a quick one. Requests have been made to understand why I now call my residence, "Home of the anti-social." Although I didn't realize it when I first saw it, clearly, this place is designed for people uninterested in having visitors. There are three townhomes facing sideways from the street. I am in the one closest to the street. Looking out my front door I have a little garden area. Currently it is a weedfest. By spring, I will have to take pictures because once I get it fixed up, it will be awesome to open my front door and see.

Now, if I look out my front door and to the left I can see the gate. Please note, there is no call box or way to contact any of the residence; other than yelling which would be fairly unsuccessful if I were to guess. I added my glider and patio chairs and table. The mailboxes are on the outside of the gate. I failed to think about the fact that as a girl who loves online purchases, it is a problem when fed ex has no way to enter and leave stuff at my door. Luckily, I've met the mailman and gotten him a key, so at least he can leave me stuff.

If I look to the right, it is all drive way to the back gate. The backgate also lacks a call box of any sort. So, you can show up, but you won't be entering without permission. It's interesting that the other two residence park on the driveway not in their garages, but both of their garages are clean. Mine is chock full of stuff but I am desperately trying to get to the point that I can park inside. I've let the dogs outside once or twice so that they can stretch their legs. Let me tell you, they STRETCH their legs. Run like mad things.

OK. And that is where I live.

Monday, January 3, 2011

New Year's Resolution

I had to really go back and search to find where I had written my new year resolutions. I mean I was really ahead of the game, and then, I really fell behind.

**2011 the year of mind, body, environment. 20 minutes a day, for my mind, my body and my environment.
  • So, mind - I think will be morning. I'll read my devotional or write meditatively on the blog or both. (Who am I kidding. I am not doing anything that requires brain power in the morning. Let's put this in evening.)
  • body - beyond walking the dogs, I will drop them off and then run for twenty minutes minimum. I HAVE to burn calories. (Hmmm, ok, for now, let's just say I am going to get back to walking the dogs every day. I have downloaded Loseit and Imapmyfitness on the iphone. Perhaps between the two I can do a better job of keeping up with what I eat and if I am really exercising with a little help.)
  • Environment - I will spend 20 minutes a day keeping up with the house/yard, make the bed, file docs and take care of financials, keeping the place clean, etc. (OK, working on the house is about the only thing I managed to do over the holidays, so I might be able to pull this off. Of course it would all go soooo much easier if I could get Sabrina in better shape. )