Hemorrhaging Cash

To Hemorrhage: to undergo a rapid and sudden loss. Yep. That is the word.

I take Cat to the vet today. He is so shockingly skinny, I'm not sure of how he can move around. He eats (a tiny little bit), he sits (looks happy?), but he doesn't really have his Cat spunk. He's basically starving himself to death. But he looks ok if you just look at him. And yet, we are going to the vet today to end his life. I don't want him to suffer, and I don't think he is healthy or happy. The vet agrees. Doesn't make it any easier. It sucks.

In the meantime, Sabrina goes to the vet Tuesday for a check-in. They all of the blood work etc over the holidays when the "tamale" incident occurred. I made the mistake of looking at my credit card bill yesterday. It looked like I'd spent about $1,000 at the vet alone in December. So, I sat down and actually tried to add up how much I've spent since August. It's not pretty. Especially since I didn't even add in all of the chicken, rice, pumpkin and dried cranberries I've bought. You might not think it adds up to

a lot being groceries and all, but if you look at the pumpkin alone...2 cans a day for two months at $1 a can... Yeah, it really does add up. I didn't add in the mattress pads, wet wipes, tissues and other general cleaning supplies.

Is she getting better? Well, she is way better than she was in August when the specialty vet let me take her home without her being able to stand on her own. She can walk two miles now. She still doesn't have control of her bowels or her bladder. And she has constant bladder infections. I am crazy about this dog. She is beautiful and loving and happy and I desperately want her to get better, but I just don't know if she is or if I can afford to keep trying. How Godawful is that? I don't have the money to take care of her. Ironically, looking at my bank statements and credit card, after today's visit to take care of Cat, I don't actually have the money to do anything else either. I am so unbearably sad.