Tuesday, June 30, 2009

By Request

When I got back from Europe, I was totally excited to find that work had begun on my home improvement projects that required my friend/handyman, Scott, to do. I've had a picture of what I wanted for ages. Scott did a fantastic job of recreating it. I still have to finish flattening the walls and paint, but I now have wall to wall mantle with bookshelves on either side of the fireplace. I love it.
There was a fireplace with Corinthian columns there before. Scott kept saying I should just throw the mantle out. I couldn't bear to do it. Luckily, it didn't take long for me to realize that I still hadn't solved my lack of headboard problem either. So, now the old mantle is the headboard. I know it is hard to tell, but it is pretty cool looking. It will look even better if my parents make it home alive (my sister is working the bejesus out of them) and I can get some help making the curtains and hanging them!

Sadly, although Scott did manage to tear the bathroom up, I am too poor to actually get anything done, let alone pay for the stuff that needs to go in it. It is down to the studs. My goal by the end of the summer is to have the master and front room painted. Let's see if I get it done.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Dating Cesspool

I have jumped back into the dating cesspool. I'm already tired, and they make my teeth hurt. I actually had to go back and check to get my numbers right. It actually surprises me that I'm only on 9. It feels like it should be a much higher number.

So, currently in the line up we have 9; henceforth to be referred to as Country.

He lives in Little Elm, and has a big ole country accent. BFE and slightly south of Denton. Ugh. When I mentioned how far out he lives, he replied well, what if I was The One, and he was unwilling to drive to meet me. Good Freaking Grief.

To a certain extent I have to admit we are kindred spirits since he hung up on me 3 times during our conversation and then called me accidentally shortly afterward.

At any rate, we meet Friday night at 7pm. Yes, of course, I will Twitter you updates ; )

Saturday, June 27, 2009

What not to Wear Europe Edition IV

Ok, this is the part where I acknowledge that even the American's can mess it up. I don't even know how it happened, but it turns out the chaperones all wore green on the same day. We actually mocked many a group for wearing matching clothes. So, while at the Bull fighting stadium we got a fun mimic the statue so that we can document that we all matched photo. (You get distracted by what we're doing and almost miss that we match . . . doncha?) OK, I know the girls look cute, but trust me when I tell you the pants that they all BOUGHT in Spain are some of the ugliest damn things I've ever seen. I include this picture because we tried to be their friends and tell them that they were hideous but they swore up and down that they didn't care and that the pants were very comfortable and that is all that mattered. Sigh. I tried. I really did.

What not to Wear Europe Edition III

So many from which to choose . . . ok, let's begin.

Don't wear small bikini tops riding your bike unless you have a smoking hot bod. I'm not saying you can't have a bikini top, but when I first saw this woman I thought she was topless which almost caused me swallow my gum. That can be dangerous. So, for the unprepared. You shouldn't do that.

Next, it is no longer the 80's. Therefore, in any country, allowing your child to have a MULLET with a rats tail is CHILD ABUSE!Again with the lace, but with the red shoes. Not ok. Not attractive. Oh, and her pants were too tight. Geez.Ah, yes, the fabulous pantyhose with espadrilles. I'm telling you we were hauling ass through Rome trying to get to our meeting point on time when I saw this. I was yanking my camera out, trying to get it in focus and trying to watch where we were going. Sorry it is such a bad photo, but trust me when I tell you, it was not pretty. Please don't do this. Even when you are 90 which this girl was NOT.

I understand that some people really think it is important for everything to match. I get that. In fact, I might even fall into that category. I have a hard time with the purse not needing to match the shoes anymore, but if Clinton and Stacy (What not to Wear hosts) say it is so, then I must believe. Someone needs to get the memo to this woman. Hey, lady, your hair doesn't have to match your outfit every time any more.

Black satin during the day. That's a no ghost rider. Again with the caveat, unless you are a HOOKER. Then more power to you.
The man capri's. We saw these things in varying lengths and styles throughout our trip. I'm telling you here and now, not ok. No way. No how. Tell friends and family. Don't let this fashion style cross the pond. I'd rather see a man with a murse (man purse). I almost feel badly for this woman. The pants fit. The top looked ok. But Holy Crap people. Look at those things. Besides the fact she looks like she's wearing her pjs around Madrid, that pattern should not see the light of day. Ever. I saved the best for last. I have heard the lament of days gone by and a time when people dressed up to get on planes. The thought of dressing up for an 11 hr flight makes my teeth hurt, but this, this is beyond all understanding. She looks miserable. She looks like she just got in from the club. She appeared to be a chaperone for a group youth trip. I'm sorry what????? Part of me wishes I was on her flight just so I could walk by and try to get pictures of her sitting on the plane in that getup. Even hookers shouldn't dress like this on airplanes.

What not to Wear Europe Edition II

The muffin: Your shirt should come down to your skirt/pants/shorts. Unless you have a washboard stomach, trust me, it is better for the world not to see it. Nuff said.

What not to Wear Europe Edition I

Ok, so since I'm sitting around doing, hmm, NOTHING. I thought I would present bad outfits oversees. I've tried to break them up into categories, and some of them aren't as painful to look at as they were in real life, but trust me when I say they were stunning in real life.

I have to start this little presentation with the question, WHERE IN THE FUCK WERE THEIR FRIENDS? These are people who clearly got dressed in the morning, looked in their mirrors and said, "Dammnnnn, I look Goooooddddd." No, you don't. Where are the people in their lives that gently and kindly say, "For the love of all that is holy, don't ever wear that again??????"

So, we begin with rule #1 if you are a size six or smaller, you can pretty much wear what you want, including white pants. If you are ANY bigger than that, you should have at least 3 friends approve any white pant purchases, because there is nothing more foul than a big ole cottage cheese ass squeezed into white pants. Oh, and if you ARE going to jump that cliff, at least make sure that the pants fit. Come on, just go up a size.

In addition, the cute white top (it can't possibly be a dress, I swear we could see the crease of her butt) on top of the lace leggings . . .not ok. unless you are a hooker. then it is ok. . .

And no matter what, none of us want to see your underwear. Undies or bras. It is not ok. On the other hand, we do want you to wear undergarments.

Rule #2 Bras keep the girls where they are supposed to be today, and if fit properly tomorrow. Otherwise, your girls might be a striking resemblance to this woman's who are dangerously close to her belly button.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Wisdom on USA Network

Don't know if you have seen In Plain Sight, but I like it. So I was getting caught up on missed episodes (So glad for Hulu cause I lost my recorded shows when the storm hit town while I was out of town. Grrr.) At any rate, an episode ends with this:

Before the big bang, before time itself, before matter, energy, velocity; there existed a single and measurable state called yearning. This is the special force that on a day before there were days obliterated nothing into everything. It is the unseen string tying planets to stars. It's the maddening want we feel from first breath to last light.

Think on that for a moment or two.

I have no idea of what is wrong with me

Ok, actually I have several ideas, but in the specific area to which I refer, I have no idea. I have been back from Europe for a full week. I have what can only be referred to as a chitload of pictures to upload of just fun Europe stuff AND some serious fashion errors being made across the pond.

I have things going on in the home that are worthy of note. I have the continuing saga of my desire to get free meals through dating, ha ha. Kindof. I have the R.E.T. new age chit I did recently I could examine. All sorts of stuff. Instead, I've lolled about, done jack diddly and not written a word. What's wrong with me? Well, first and most importantly, when I passed the happy pill store, I didn't stop and buy one of EVERYTHING.

Luckily for you people, without even knowing it Noodleroux shamed me into writing. I mean, seriously, if I'm gonna make her blogroll I gotta have something on ye olde blog, right? right.

OK, so let's do a quick catch up on life.

Wake-up call our last day in Spain 3:30 am. So very painful. At the airport at 4:30am. This is basically how the world appears when you can't get your eyes to focus because it is sooooo freaking early.

Returned from Europe last Thursday after a long ass plane ride. Got home to NO A/C (remember this is Texas people . . . hotter than Hell and that is no freaking joke). Thought I was going to die. A/C people came Friday. . . so I headed out, and immediately got hit by a 16 yr old changing lanes in a Toyota land Cruiser (Let me tell you Land Cruiser is not a lightly given name. Big freaking vehicle.) Damage was minimal but a total pain to get info yada yada.

In the meantime, while I was gone, Scott the handy dandy handy man took out my old mantle, put in a new one and moved the old one to the bedroom to be a headboard for my bed. Very fun. He also started tearing out the second bathroom. It is now totally empty which is pretty much how it is going to remain for awhile cause I am totally broke. Seriously. Like I'm considering being an exotic dancer in an effort to make money. . . oh, fine, not seriously considering, but still.

Here are some other jobs that I just don't think I will ever be so desperate as to take:

Hello I dress as a a strange purple woman with tulling, oh and please see her little friend the chicken down the way. . . Ah, the copper cowboy. This next one is tricky. Look at the man in the brown suit. Tie is flipped over the shoulder, but he's not moving at all. Still as a statue. Ok, I saved the best for last, and by best, I mean seriously crappy job. So, while traffic is still going in both directions these boys fill up the wheelbarrel on the right side of the road, wait for a break in traffic, run their asses into the street where they dump the load of sand and then race back to the side of the road. Seriously. Crappy. Job.

So, all in all, there is stuff I could be writing about but I just haven't been doing it. Sigh. Maybe this will get me to post the atrocious clothing choices people have been making over there.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Rome some more

Ok, so after our excitement at the Vatican, KT and I had our picture taken with the Swiss Guard. Bless their hearts, do you think that anyone says, "Man, someday I want to wear THAT uniform?" Seems odd. At the Trevi fountain we threw coins in to make our wishes. Please note the sassy scarf. No time to write more. Sorry.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Photos for your viewing pleasure

OK, so at the colesseum we got a fun girls picture. And then Kristen and I took a photo. It looks a little lesbianish, but really wasn't supposed to look that way. So after that we saw a woman with huge boobs hanging out of her shirt. Yes, I did have to take a picture. In the meantime, Kristen and I saw a sign that amused us, especially since we are divas . . .

Day 1

Ok, since I'm blogging at the hp2europe09.blogspot.com and I am twittering there really isn't much to write except.

It was a long FREAKING plane flight and I didn't sleep AT ALL. Ok, maybe an hour. It wasn't long enough. I am dying. Got on second plane, congested and tired, so I took 2 benadryl. Slept for 1 1/2 hrs.

Tour Guide is chatty Kathy. Really and truly, chatty kathy. Sigh. We've stayed at this hotel before, so it is good. Free wi-fi makes me happy.

BFF is determined that we will email each other. She is on top of it so far, so I guess I'll do my part and try to stay off the phone. We know what happens when I start talking like it isn't costing me a mint. (Yeah, it ends up costing me a mint!)

Dinner is in a little bit at the hotel, so the food (if I remember correctly is ok, not fantastic but a lot of it!!!)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Wow, it's been a while

I almost feel like I need to reintroduce myself it's been so damn long since I last posted. Not much has been happening. Ok, well, I've been busy as hell, but none of it has been particularly blog worthy or interesting in general for that fact.

School is out. Thank you JESUS. I survived. All of the grades were entered, all of the children passed, most of the yearbooks were passed out, and there were almost no complaints. Call it good and get out.

I leave for Europe tomorrow morning. Hooray. I am totally excited. The kids are awesome, there are only 17, so it is a small group. We actually have a blog for it, hp2europe.blogspot.com. I am taking my oh, so very light laptop (thank you, Sis) and we will be blogging from Europe. Twittering too. We have to use KT's twitter since mine is less appropriate should anyone decide to look at previous posts. (I use dirty words, ya know.)

Dating continues to suck. I have spoken to the most boring man in the world . . . twice. I got a drink with a fellow Kirby's barfly but he was a total dumbass.

I had 3 guys from the online dating world contact me . . . let's see one is 5'2" really? one is Jewish and one is an atheist . . . apparently the part where I said I wanted someone to go to church with me . . . they thought I was kidding.

My handy dandy friend Scott started working on the new mantle in the front room of the house. We took the old mantle and we're (take that to mean he) is making it into a headboard for my bed. How cool is that? I plan to totally trick out the master bedroom when I get back in town and then work on dismantling the front bathroom. It should be the summer of the house.

Fun story, so one night I am sitting at Kirby's, drinking my cosmo, cause I love them so. I'm sitting next to a fellow barfly, Janice. She is texting some guy she met through eharmony. . . part of me is a little freaked cause it kinda feels like I'm looking at my future. i can't decide if she is my age and just looks old or if she is about 10 years older than I am with her reading glasses perched on her nose so that she can read the phone as she texts.

At any rate, I make a comment about the fact that I've stopped dating. It is now just me and the boys. They pander to my every desire, always tell me how lovely I look, and never whine when I pay attention to others. What boys she asks?

Travis, James and Tony, of course. (The bartendars for Kirby's- all sweet hearts, all in their twenties). She says, but Tony's taken. . . sigh. Not clear on the concept. Of course I'm not REALLY dating the boys. In fact, James and I came up with a few house rules the other night. 1. I will not go out with anyone I meet at Kirby's. It's like dating someone you meet at work, it's not going to work out and then you have to deal with the after dating crap of having that person around. Yuck. I don't mind being a barfly, but not the barfly that's dated half the male patrons. Other rule: I hang there on Sun, Mon or Tues. Weekends they are too busy. They can't devote themselves to me fully when they are having to care for other bar patrons.

I still have a little more to do to be ready to go. I went to a happy hour earlier for my friend Susan that is retiring this year and then I went to a porch party across the street. I'm now moving a little slowly, but I still have chit to do.

Good night.