Details of life as I find myself changing my life for the better. Sure I could be mature and even tempered, but slightly crazy and an emotional car wreck are more fun.
Ok, this is the part where I acknowledge that even the American's can mess it up. I don't even know how it happened, but it turns out the chaperones all wore green on the same day. We actually mocked many a group for wearing matching clothes. So, while at the Bull fighting stadium we got a fun mimic the statue so that we can document that we all matched photo. (You get distracted by what we're doing and almost miss that we match . . . doncha?) OK, I know the girls look cute, but trust me when I tell you the pants that they all BOUGHT in Spain are some of the ugliest damn things I've ever seen. I include this picture because we tried to be their friends and tell them that they were hideous but they swore up and down that they didn't care and that the pants were very comfortable and that is all that mattered. Sigh. I tried. I really did.
So many from which to choose . . . ok, let's begin.
Don't wear small bikini tops riding your bike unless you have a smoking hot bod. I'm not saying you can't have a bikini top, but when I first saw this woman I thought she was topless which almost caused me swallow my gum. That can be dangerous. So, for the unprepared. You shouldn't do that.
Next, it is no longer the 80's. Therefore, in any country, allowing your child to have a MULLET with a rats tail is CHILD ABUSE!Again with the lace, but with the red shoes. Not ok. Not attractive. Oh, and her pants were too tight. Geez.Ah, yes, the fabulous pantyhose with espadrilles. I'm telling you we were hauling ass through Rome trying to get to our meeting point on time when I saw this. I was yanking my camera out, trying to get it in focus and trying to watch where we were going. Sorry it is such a bad photo, but trust me when I tell you, it was not pretty. Please don't do this. Even when you are 90 which this girl was NOT. I understand that some people really think it is important for everything to match. I get that. In fact, I might even fall into that category. I have a hard time with the purse not needing to match the shoes anymore, but if Clinton and Stacy (What not to Wear hosts) say it is so, then I must believe. Someone needs to get the memo to this woman. Hey, lady, your hair doesn't have to match your outfit every time any more. Black satin during the day. That's a no ghost rider. Again with the caveat, unless you are a HOOKER. Then more power to you. The man capri's. We saw these things in varying lengths and styles throughout our trip. I'm telling you here and now, not ok. No way. No how. Tell friends and family. Don't let this fashion style cross the pond. I'd rather see a man with a murse (man purse). I almost feel badly for this woman. The pants fit. The top looked ok. But Holy Crap people. Look at those things. Besides the fact she looks like she's wearing her pjs around Madrid, that pattern should not see the light of day. Ever. I saved the best for last. I have heard the lament of days gone by and a time when people dressed up to get on planes. The thought of dressing up for an 11 hr flight makes my teeth hurt, but this, this is beyond all understanding. She looks miserable. She looks like she just got in from the club. She appeared to be a chaperone for a group youth trip. I'm sorry what????? Part of me wishes I was on her flight just so I could walk by and try to get pictures of her sitting on the plane in that getup. Even hookers shouldn't dress like this on airplanes.
The muffin: Your shirt should come down to your skirt/pants/shorts. Unless you have a washboard stomach, trust me, it is better for the world not to see it.Nuff said.
Ok, so since I'm sitting around doing, hmm, NOTHING. I thought I would present bad outfits oversees. I've tried to break them up into categories, and some of them aren't as painful to look at as they were in real life, but trust me when I say they were stunning in real life.
I have to start this little presentation with the question, WHERE IN THE FUCK WERE THEIR FRIENDS? These are people who clearly got dressed in the morning, looked in their mirrors and said, "Dammnnnn, I look Goooooddddd." No, you don't. Where are the people in their lives that gently and kindly say, "For the love of all that is holy, don't ever wear that again??????"
So, we begin with rule #1 if you are a size six or smaller, you can pretty much wear what you want, including white pants. If you are ANY bigger than that, you should have at least 3 friends approve any white pant purchases, because there is nothing more foul than a big ole cottage cheese ass squeezed into white pants. Oh, and if you ARE going to jump that cliff, at least make sure that the pants fit. Come on, just go up a size.
In addition, the cute white top (it can't possibly be a dress, I swear we could see the crease of her butt) on top of the lace leggings . . .not ok. unless you are a hooker. then it is ok. . . And no matter what, none of us want to see your underwear. Undies or bras. It is not ok. On the other hand, we do want you to wear undergarments. Rule #2 Bras keep the girls where they are supposed to be today, and if fit properly tomorrow. Otherwise, your girls might be a striking resemblance to this woman's who are dangerously close to her belly button.
OK, I know the girls look cute, but trust me when I tell you the pants that they all BOUGHT in Spain are some of the ugliest damn things I've ever seen. I include this picture because we tried to be their friends and tell them that they were hideous but they swore up and down that they didn't care and that the pants were very comfortable and that is all that mattered. Sigh. I tried. I really did. 
Again with the lace, but with the red shoes. Not ok. Not attractive. Oh, and her pants were too tight. Geez.
Ah, yes, the fabulous pantyhose with espadrilles. I'm telling you we were hauling ass through Rome trying to get to our meeting point on time when I saw this. I was yanking my camera out, trying to get it in focus and trying to watch where we were going. Sorry it is such a bad photo, but trust me when I tell you, it was not pretty. Please don't do this. Even when you are 90 which this girl was NOT.
I almost feel badly for this woman. The pants fit. The top looked ok. But Holy Crap people. Look at those things. Besides the fact she looks like she's wearing her pjs around Madrid, that pattern should not see the light of day. Ever. 
I saved the best for last. I have heard the lament of days gone by and a time when people dressed up to get on planes. The thought of dressing up for an 11 hr flight makes my teeth hurt, but this, this is beyond all understanding. She looks miserable. She looks like she just got in from the club. She appeared to be a chaperone for a group youth trip. I'm sorry what????? Part of me wishes I was on her flight just so I could walk by and try to get pictures of her sitting on the plane in that getup. Even hookers shouldn't dress like this on airplanes.
