Saturday, June 27, 2009

What not to Wear Europe Edition I

Ok, so since I'm sitting around doing, hmm, NOTHING. I thought I would present bad outfits oversees. I've tried to break them up into categories, and some of them aren't as painful to look at as they were in real life, but trust me when I say they were stunning in real life.

I have to start this little presentation with the question, WHERE IN THE FUCK WERE THEIR FRIENDS? These are people who clearly got dressed in the morning, looked in their mirrors and said, "Dammnnnn, I look Goooooddddd." No, you don't. Where are the people in their lives that gently and kindly say, "For the love of all that is holy, don't ever wear that again??????"

So, we begin with rule #1 if you are a size six or smaller, you can pretty much wear what you want, including white pants. If you are ANY bigger than that, you should have at least 3 friends approve any white pant purchases, because there is nothing more foul than a big ole cottage cheese ass squeezed into white pants. Oh, and if you ARE going to jump that cliff, at least make sure that the pants fit. Come on, just go up a size.

In addition, the cute white top (it can't possibly be a dress, I swear we could see the crease of her butt) on top of the lace leggings . . .not ok. unless you are a hooker. then it is ok. . .

And no matter what, none of us want to see your underwear. Undies or bras. It is not ok. On the other hand, we do want you to wear undergarments.

Rule #2 Bras keep the girls where they are supposed to be today, and if fit properly tomorrow. Otherwise, your girls might be a striking resemblance to this woman's who are dangerously close to her belly button.

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