Details of life as I find myself changing my life for the better. Sure I could be mature and even tempered, but slightly crazy and an emotional car wreck are more fun.
I am feeling a little bit like ChaCha at the moment cause I got the blogger guilt. There is so much to write, but I have no time, and I'm kinda tired of being Debbie Downer. But in the interest of taking notes and letting those yearning to catch up on what the Diva is doing here goes nothing.
Well, I received an offer on the house on November 13th, finaled the contract on the 24th and closed on the 25th. I didn't dare pack before the closing because I really thought the whole damn thing was going to crash and burn. So, I ran around Wednesday like a mad thing closing, and then trying to take care of the deposit for the rental house (that was a nightmare in and of itself) The movers come Dec 1 and I have to be totally out by the 5th. My head is still spinning.
The buyer, aka the haggler, was a total pain. Feel free to guess why.
The house is almost totally packed, although I haven't taken care of the garage which I'm going to regret. I have book club tomorrow night (did I mention that I haven't read the book and that I'm leading the discussion? Yeah, good times.) So, it looks like I will be packing the garage Tuesday morning, as the movers are packing the house.
I have packed all of my eating utensils including the plastic stuff that I can't find because I packed it, realized I'm an idiot and then couldn't find the box. Shit, shit, shit.
I have a nasty rash on my right shoulder that friends have said is a stress rash. Would really like to get rid of that!
The crayon box (as I fondly refer to the new place) is going to need a new name soon. The lavender bedroom, microsoft blue bedroom and lime green bathroom have all been painted, thank you with my whole heart to K who helped me paint. The crayon red wall downstairs will be painted soon too. By next Sunday it will no longer look like a clown threw up in there. Go team.
The place is a lot smaller than the current residence, so I have been desperately trying to sell stuff on Craig's list. I've sold some stuff, but it would be really nice to sell a few more pieces. Money in the pocket, baby.
My back is throbbing, and I hurt in parts of my body that I didn't know could hurt. In fact, I am feeling very very old and trying not to hobble as I walk.
So, off to work tomorrow to finalize a few things while I pretend to actually do my job, ha ha ha and then off for two days to get myself moved.
So, I am terribly sad about leaving my house and my friends, but I know it is the right thing to do. I am changing my life, and this is the first step. I know it is going to be an uphill battle, and almost NO ONE believes in me, but I believe in me. . . and that is all that really matters.
Well, our adventures in Journalism conventioning have begun. We arrived yesterday afternoon. Blondie and I were greeted at the airport by the BFF. She, in case I haven't mentioned it lately, is the coolest. She brought Cranberry Juice (for my morning medicine routine) and crackers. And great big hugs which I have been needing desperately. Her very existence is God's gift to me.
Once my other friend, Mrs. Jostens arrived, we headed out to grab a taxi. Cab driver, a lovely man, managed to take our conversation on the beautiful fall foliage into a discussion of politics. We said, "Gee the leaves are beautiful" and he said, "They look better since George Bush left." huh.? He continued on his happy monologue regarding GB.
We arrived at the hotel, still confused by the ramblings of our cab driver which segued to his love of Hillary Clinton for standing by her man by the time we were exiting the car. We mentioned to the front desk personnel the strangeness of the cab ride, and son of a bitch if he didn't start chastising us about talking about politics in DC. Really?
The room is great. With three of us sharing, there was some concern re: size. It is great. sofa, two chairs, two beds and a desk and chair.
We went to a fabulous steakhouse in the W hotel. Sooo good. The hotel has a rooftop bar that is very hip, trendy and cool. (I'm lucky they even let me in.) Dinner was courtesy of Mrs. J. Thank you!!
This morning we got up and headed over to the convention. Today's cab driver rocked cause he knew where there was a 7-11 on the way!
Oh, and by the way, last night I was able to talk to the drummer. I've known I needed to gird my loins and just ask what the deal is. He confuses me, it seems liked he isn't all that in to me, but he does call and ask me out. So, yeah, not that into me. Totally awkward and uncomfortable and really no fun. Not to mention totally an ego killer and heart crusher. Yes indeed the good times continue to roll for the Diva.
Tuesday, I got a phone call from the place keeping my storage.
Storage Dude: Ma'am have you been to your unit lately? Me: No Storage Dude: Well, there seems to be something seeping out of your unit. The lady with the unit next to yours said that there is seepage into her unit too. Me: Seepage? Storage Dude: Yes, seepage. Me: Sigh. I'll be there today.
My first thought? Dead Body decomposing in my storage. My second thought? I am watching way too much CSI. Third thought? Dear Lord, Please stop now. I can't take much more.
So, I head over to the storage unit. Sure enough, when I arrive there is definitely seepage out of my unit. . . and across the floor of the hallway. Grreeeaatttt
I open the door with much trepidation. . . Good news: Not a dead body.
As it turns out, I think I had been there recently because I had to get the dog crate out of the unit. A box got put back sideways. It had a huge jug of hand soap. Thank you LORD it was at the bottom and it looks like the floor is not flat but angled towards the hallway, so I didn't ruin great amounts of belongings. I threw the box out and headed home. . . to check the contract and make sure that I wouldn't be paying to replace whatever was ruined in the next door unit. . . luckily non-toxic hand soap, not illegal. Just annoying.
Oh, and yeah, I'll be watching CSI: New York tonight cause I just can't stop myself.
I have made a lot of bad decisions in my life. I get that. And if you told me how you felt based on my actions, I would accept it. Not lucky in love. Not a financial maestro. Shitty driver. Bitchy. Opinionated. ADD.
At the moment my heart hurts because I was judged by people who know me and decided that they trust me, but then they turned to a stranger who told them not to trust me and defined our relationship and convinced them of the truth of the new definition. I don't know if that is great persuasion or what it is, except a total crushing of my heart and soul. And, really, I'm not sure that I'm exaggerating.
I haven't asked for much from anyone. At least I don't think I have. I've asked a lot of my parents, letting the dogs, cat and I stay with them. Helping me with the house. I get that. I am totally appreciative of everything that they have done. I realize that a lot of people wouldn't be willing to do that much for their children.
I happen to be the only child living near them, and, quite honestly, I don't see them retiring to live with any of my siblings. All sorts of reasons for that, the most important being my dad is a total homebody and he's not going to want to leave their house, ever, let alone the town they have lived in for oh, over 30 years.
So, I guess to a certain extent I always thought part of why they helped (beyond the fact they love me, yes, I know that is the primary reason) is that they figured they would get a pretty good return when it was time. I watched my mom take care of my grandparents. I know the deal.
But mostly, as much as my family jokes about my being spoiled and such. I don't think I am selfish. I do try to do the right thing. I want to be honest, trust worthy and dependable. I guess that is why this hurts so much.
If someone looks at me, and said this is why I am doing this or that. OK. But to say you are going to do something I NEVER ASKED FOR and then turn around and pull the rug out from under me by saying not only are we not going to do what we said we would, and we aren't doing it because a stranger said to not trust you. Well, I'm not sure how the soul recovers from that.
So, the meeting with MMT? Total car crash. Long and the short of it... She refused to accept any responsibility for, well, anything. In fact, a loose summary would be she feels that the only problem in the department is me, and that everything she has heard from everyone else is the exact opposite of what I said. Yeah, pretty much eradicates any need to continue conversing don't you think?
As horribly as I think she has been acting, as disappointed as I am in the person she is turning out to be, I am really sad that she is being this way. I really did think she would be a good department chair. I can't figure out why her "friend" in the department isn't trying to help her do a better job.
I'm not sure of what will happen, but I know that I'm pretty much tired of being treated like crap and of being spoken to in a condescending manner.
*** This story has caused me much angst. Do I make the blog private so that I can write what I want to write or do I leave it public and try to censor myself. A tough call. It's almost impossible to not write about something that is taking up a significant portion of your life. It seems wrong some how. On the other hand, I'm not interested in dealing with the bs drama that comes from someone getting pissed that I'm writing what I think about events in the past. Unfortunately, the person about whom the next two posts are written appears to be just crazy enough that there is no telling what she would do if she saw this. And, since at one point we were friends, she probably knows the blog address. At any rate, as you can tell, I went ahead and wrote. I've tried to go back and delete enough to make it manageable to read and not to horrifyingly full of details. Not sure how successful I was on either point. Feel free to let me know.
Let's just take a moment to laugh at the irony that I have been cursed with annoying team mates ever since I arrived at my current job, but I've been lucky as far as bosses go. So, of course, now that Blondie has arrived, I am in a new department with the Mayor of Meantown. (MMT)
Another irony is that people were concerned that since MMT and I were friends, it would be a problem for her leadership abilities. There are problems, but I assure you that they have nothing to do with our former friendship. In fact, the friendship has been smashed into the dirt.
Within 2 days of school starting, she had become MMT. I mean she is condescending and pissy at every turn. I can't describe it any other way. I was in a car accident before school started, she didn't make any comment. Not are you ok, nothing. She has become one of those people that brooks no discussion and thinks any question is a question of her authority not a question of point. There has been excessive finger snapping (in faces) Thank God, not mine. I might have bitten her finger off. She does have a nasty habit of pointing to each person in the department to force responses.
So let's just sum it up with comments from others. " Yeah, I don't know what it is but everything you say and do seems to upset her." "Wow, what just happened? I didn't hear you say anything, and she just attacked you." "Hey, I overheard the Mayor of Meantown talking to someone downstairs, she seemed to be bashing you without actually using your name."
Getting the picture? So, sure, I've talked to some people trying to figure out what the HELL is going on. At first, people would say, "Oh, just give her a couple of weeks, she'll settle in." They aren't saying that anymore. Now, it's just a lot of head shaking and references to staying low. I'm trying. I really am. Unfortunately she has a nasty habit of calling on each individual person in the department. I can keep my mouth shut, but I can't lie when spoken to directly. It makes it tricky.
At one particular department meeting (and Lord but there are a lot of them) the Mayor jumped down my throat like a deranged postal worker.
So, after THAT particular interaction I finally sent her an email.
Mayor,
I am sorry if I upset you today. I don't know what to say. I don't know what I did to upset you, but I feel like since the first week of school, you have been unhappy with me. I really am too stressed out to be able to have a conversation about this, but I want you to know I support you in being department chair, and our relationship is important to me. I am sorry if my stress comes off as a bad attitude or flippant towards you, it is not. I have too much to do. I understand the broadcasting idea is great for most of the department, it doesn't help me per se, it just adds to my work. I am happy to help Blondie to do whatever she wants to do and I will encourage her to do it. I want to be a team player, I am a team player, but I am having a hard time with people dumping things on me on a daily basis. I'm sure part of the problem is I'm starting to have the feeling that I've done something that causes you to doubt me or my ability to do my job.
Thanks,
The Diva
I would love to write her response, but let me just summerize. 1. She in no way acknowledged that she has been wretched to me. 2. She did however say that gosh, my stress does seem like a bad attitude. 3. She said how stressed she is. Did I mention that she has 4 of 8 periods off each day? 4. She offered to help. Now, multiple people have suggested I take her up on it.
Hmm, should I give her the 8 page form I was asked to re-create in Indesign because education organizations are bass akwards and there is no digital version of the form so that it can be completed on the computer. No, she doesn't know Indesign.
Should I give her the high school directory to do? Wait, no also in Indesign.
Should I get her to help the other schools in the district with their directories? No, she can't do that either.
How about the other requests I get on a daily basis from people needing help on this or that? Random little things that I can do, and I probably am the best person to ask, but I have no time for?
Should she meet with the vendors for me? The photography company? The yearbook company? The supply company?
The ID machine. I hate the ID machine. I should totally give that to her. Then she can make IDs for everybody and their freaking brother all ding dong day long.
Really, what she can do is GET OFF MY ASS. What I really want to do is send her an email : Dear Mayor, just to confirm, my email asked you to get off my ass and your email said ok for a little while, right?
I think you get the drift. Not to be condescending myself. But she doesn't know what busy is. And, sadly, as I try to figure out why she is so crazed, I realize there are a lot of reasons for her to be behaving badly, and odds are good things won't improve anytime soon.
At any rate, she has pretty much left me alone since that exchange. I've watched her treat other people horribly in the meantime.
I finally went to one of the assistant principals that I love. Oz. I know he likes her too. At any rate, I told him I was worried because she was just mean and she was alienating the department. That if I thought it was just me that she was being mean to, I would just suck it up. She is making multiple people miserable, so I felt like something needed to be said. She needs help. He told me I needed to talk to her. I told him I didn't want to talk to her. I felt guilty then agreed to do it. Crap.
In addition, we had a meeting last week about the academic planning guide and journalism courses. Suffice it to say that meeting didn't go very well. The whole conversation went around in circles and no one was listening to what I was saying. I was sick and tired and not in the mood.
I got a note from MMT Thursday evening asking to meet with me this week.I respond, that I actually wanted to meet with her and Oz, so we could do both at the same time.
