Wednesday, May 20, 2009

One Tired Puppy Dog

I mean it. I am exhausted. I had two dates with 10, but he has gone back to Lubbock, and I am confident that I will never hear from him again. What. A. Bummer.

I have been working on a project at school that is slowly sucking the life out of me. Ironically, I raised my hand and threw myself at this one. Oh, why, Oh, why, do I do these things.

At any rate, it is turning out to be a beating of a job. I thought that I could get the kids to do most of the work, but they did crappy jobs so I've had to take it back over and try to correct what they did. Blahhhh.

In the meantime, the principal sent an email out that a new dept has been created at good ole HP. Media, Information, Technology, (It makes me giggle every time I think about it being MIT, don't know why, I'm just goofy.) At any rate it is the 5 people in the technology dept, the librarians, the speech teacher and the journalism teachers . . . I'm not sure of what it means yet, but I'm pretty sure it means something.

I got my hair cut yesterday and to celebrate its fabulousness I got dinner and a drink at Kirby's. I celebrated my way to a guy next to me getting my number which would be fine, except I know he doesn't really have a shot and I don't want to go out with him and have it ruin a perfectly good bar setup. (You know, mean ass cosmos from my dear bartender, Tony) Besides I'm so cranky right now it would be a mistake to go out until I get better rested.

School gets out next Friday, so I am peddling as fast as I can to just make it to the end. Dear Lord, please, let me make it. Amen. That's all.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Hello my name is super freak

So, Thursday night I got to go out with a new one. 10 to be exact. The professor. Good looking, funny, intelligent: he hit the triumvirate without even trying.

Good looking? Let me be specific, tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, built. BAM. Uber hot. I can't go out with a man that is this good looking. It's unnatural.

Funny? It's hard to keep up with him he is so funny. He thinks he's funny and he's not too worried if any one else thinks he's funny too. But he is funny, so it works.

Intelligent? Hellloooo PhD. Professor. And really interesting I might add. That's right, not boring intelligent, interesting intelligent.

Did I mention he may officially be the BEST kisser. EVER. EVER EVER???????

So, Thursday night we go to Chamberlain's and have a very nice dinner before going up to The Shops at Legacy for dessert. Since he is in town for a conference he already had meetings etc set up, so he came and picked me up this afternoon. We went out for dessert. (I think he might like desserts.) Then he had to head out to go to pre-arranged dinner with others. Unfortunate.

Date ended without a I'll call you, or let's do breakfast or anything like that. So it is entirely possible he thought my bathroom was disgusting (It might be) the dogs are way too crazed (they totally are) or that I am too something (Yes, those that love me and hate me can all agree that sometimes I am too something). I have no freaking idea. I can only let my little mind wander over the possibilities. I'm hanging out trying to control the urge to text him every 5 minutes, call him, facebook stalk him and hang out at his hotel all at once. Breathe in, Breathe out. Control the urge to be stalker girl. Actually if I showed up at his hotel, banged him and left he might go for that. Sigh. Such a bummer that I'm too much of a weenie not that type of girl.

There must be something wrong with him right? He can't hit the triumvirate without ever having been married and not have something wrong with him. I would just like to know what it is so that I can hang on to that while I fret. This is so annoying. I hate this part. This is when it totally sucks to be a girl. The waiting. Oh, the waiting.

Sigh. Ok, this is a night that might require drugs and alcohol legally authorized pharmaceuticals to sleep.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Randomness is my life.

So, Tuesday morning I woke up and walked into the TV room (behind Cat, the blur at the bottom of the picture to discover that my shelves had fallen during the night. Books everywhere. Quite the mess. That was the beginning of my crappyass day.
On the other hand, at least I'm not this poor woman. I went over to the parentals for Mother's Day. As I was getting out of my car, I saw this woman getting her FOUR children out of the car. I'm pretty sure they were born in one fell swoop. That woman must be very tired. Of course, she probably doesn't have the mother of all head wounds because while it was pouring down raining she ran to her car, flung the door open and wacked the Sheot out of her head.

Luckily the head wound was gone by the time I got to go to Jim's dinner party. His dining room looked fantastic, and the food was fabulous.
He didn't have cosmos but luckily I live near Kirby's which truly has the best cosmos in all of Dallas. Trust me. I've been doing A LOT of research into this to be certain. Speaking of restaurants in Dallas, if you go to Sevy's on Preston road (the place where I have been meeting the real estate boys once a week for freaking forever) you will see their copy of the real estate book on the wall, with a plaque with our names. Cause I'm a BAMF like that. In fact, my futures so bright, I gotta wear shades. Conveniently I have a lot of pairs of shades. Some might even suggest I have too many since currently, I can only comfortably wear one pair at a time. Is this some kind of weird obsessive compulsive thing? What is wrong with me that I have so many pairs of sunglasses? I should not need to ever buy sunglasses again. Please remind me of this should I be in your company and shopping for shades. Stop me. Please.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

ships and more ships

Many topics plague the mind of the Diva these days. Certainly dating. Anyone who reads the blog would know that. The gall bladder (yes, lack thereof) also fills many posts.

In addition, I’ve been struggling with ideas regarding relationships. What makes a good one, how they last, the ones you can’t escape, and then the ones that I would never want to escape.
Relationships are difficult. All relationships. It doesn’t matter how much love is there, how much history exists or how often sex occurs. As we get older, it gets even more difficult. Everyone knows this, right?

I started blogging about 3 years ago. In the beginning it was so family and friends could keep up with the “search for a home” and then the “trip to Japan.” Eventually, I blogged to get things off my chest. I liked it. Writing into the abyss about all sorts of topics and issues, I have relieved all sorts of stress. Recently, I realized that blogging can be difficult when I find the issues I want to get off my chest involve the very people that read my blog. Awkward to say the least.

It is difficult when I want to write about things that I have no desire to discuss. If I write it, I take a chance of someone wanting to discuss it. Usually I talk to the people closest to me about the same stuff I blog about because, well, I'm a talker, but sometimes I want to write without talking. I could start a new blog, but I don’t really want to do that.

So, what I find is that I have periods of not blogging and I have to think about what the crux of an issue is before I write. I can’t just tell the tale, I have to distill the issue and really figure out what I need to get on paper, as it were. There is a bit of finesse required as I write about the things that matter to me.

We begin and end with the family. These are the relationships that define who we are and how we operate. I love my family. I have very strong principals and values because of them. They are also capable of driving me totally and completely insane. I’ve had a really good time Twittering lately because I’m getting to keep up with both of my sisters this way. Sure we could talk on the phone, but then what would I twitter? LOL I am a youngest child of a wildly intelligent family. I proudly say that I am the dumb bunny of the family because that still makes me smarter than a whole hellofalotta people; just not any people to whom I’m related.

I think I’ve pretty much beaten the romantic relationship study into the ground, so I won’t waste time on that dynamic here.

Friendships are a very powerful type of relationship, especially in the life of a single girl in the city. There are all types of friendships. Wikepedia even defines friendship for us.

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.

Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:
• the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
• sympathy and empathy,
• honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart,
• mutual understanding.

In a comparison of personal relationships, friendship is considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. Friendship and association can be thought of as spanning across the same continuum.

The interesting statement for me is that a friend is someone who you trust will do you no harm. I think of the friendships that I have had that ended abruptly, and I can say, almost down to a one, that they ended because I felt that they would do me harm or had already done me harm. I don’t mean physical. I mean mental. Close friends, like family, know the weaknesses and fears that we usually keep hidden from the world. When they push those buttons and strike out hatefully, it is painful. I will say what I have always said. If I want someone to be mean to me, to hurt my feelings, to treat me like trash, I can go to the family. No need to go outside of the bloodline for that.

Family is forever, friends don’t have to be. And sometimes they aren’t. I am lucky as hell that I have a best friend who has truly been the very definition of a friend to me. I hope that I am able to do friendship justice for her too. Frequently people begin a relationship with high hopes that it will become a true friendship, but perhaps they aren’t able to maintain a mutual understanding or they don’t end up being truly empathetic for each other. So, although they start well, they can’t maintain.

I think there are times that we try to demand more from an “association” friendship than the relationship can bear. Everyone cannot be our intimate friend.

Work friendships certainly help make the work place more fun, but it is always important to remember that they are work relationships. Push comes to shove, people will put their own work interests above friendship. That’s ok. It is just important to remember that is how it usually happens. Work relationships can work as friendships as long as work and the friendships don’t intersect. It is important to not expect a work friendship to be more than what it is. I’ve had some great work friendships through the years. Some have managed to transform themselves into a different kind of friendship, but most exist for a time and then fade or the friendship keeps the same low intimacy level but lasts for a long time.

Geographic friendships are usually neighbors. I’ve lived where I didn’t know a single neighbor and I’ve lived where I love all of my neighbors and where I’ve really enjoyed most of my neighbors. Rather be where the neighbors are fun, friendly and part of my support system. Again, most of those friendships end when you are no longer neighbors, but every once in a while you will manage to remain friends past the geographic relationship.

Certainly, the BFF is a driving force in my life. This girl knows ALL of my secrets. She reminds me of why it is important to think before I speak, the benefits of showing good manners in all situations and how lonely I’d be without her. Even though we haven’t lived in the same town in years (and not in the same country for 24 months) we talk regularly (loosely translate that as every day please) and she is always there for me the same way I will ALWAYS be there for her.

We have often discussed that having a BFF has saved us, but also perhaps made us more willing to walk away from a bad relationship. I look at that and think over and over, that I am lucky to be in that position. When a relationship goes bad, it is a painful and awful thing. It is sad and heart wrenching at times. However, keeping a friendship that isn’t working is like keeping a man who needs to be gone. It is a mistake and it is our various fears that make us keep people in our lives that aren’t doing us any good.

What life has taught me is to follow my heart and try to keep it simple when I can. I’m not saying that relationships of any kind are easy, but that relationships should be simple; straightforward. Trust in God and believe that I am following the path for which I am intended even when that takes me in a different direction than I might have imagined. Sometimes I intersect with someone else’s life and run parallel, sometimes we merge and then part. Some have been with me from the beginning and will continue to be a part of me for as long as I live.

So, on this my 570th post, I am grateful for all of the relationships in my life and all of the people that have come and gone. I am glad that I have been able to learn from almost everyone who has entered my life and that I continue to learn from the people most important to me.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Dating and shooting craps

So, I haven’t been blogging much lately because I’ve had a lot on my mind, but also because I couldn’t quite figure out how to blog about the things that have preoccupied me .

Dating is certainly a hot topic for the blog and for the twitter fans of the Diva. Ironically, the topic that provides such fodder for the fans is actually an activity that can be quite full of angst for the Diva herself. However long ago many of you dated, it’s changed, and not necessarily for the best. In addition, dating in your 40th year is a lot different than dating when you are in your 20’s or really even in your 30’s.

I’ve been in a bit of a dating funk because for the first time in a long time I liked a guy who didn’t like me back. What a bummer I say. In addition to that there have been some, how shall I put this, audience issues.

The best metaphor I have come up with so far is that dating, in so far as audience participation is a part of it, is like shooting craps. First, shooting craps is complicated, so it doesn’t easily explain itself, but dating is freaking complicated too. Second, a lot of the fun of shooting craps involves audience participation which, as it so happens, can also totally ruin a good evening of shooting craps.

Please, allow me to explain. Craps starts with a roll of the dice. Sometimes you “crap out” immediately with a 7 or 11. Dating is like that.

Craps is the most fun when everyone is standing behind the players cheering them on. Dating is a lot of fun when everyone is cheering you on too.

There are some craps players who bet with the House. The truth is betting with the House (or the no come line – no jokes please) is the safer bet. The odds of someone rolling a 7 or 11 BEFORE hitting the number he/she wants is much greater than the odds of hitting the number first. Quite frankly, dating is similar. There are a lot of people out there and every date is a crap shoot. Odds are any given date isn’t going to work out, but there is a lot of fun in the game especially if there are people cheering you on.

The game stops being fun when it seems like everyone around you is betting on the House. “Well, have you heard from the OLD one again,” (said in a highly derogatory tone) “Oh, he’s a loser,” “That one has a bad look about him,” “I told you there was something wrong with that guy.”

Really? Must the audience take something that is almost totally a game of chance but has the potential to at least be a little fun and sap that little bit of fun out of it? Must people make it more stressful than betting $100 that the next roll will be a 3? It makes me not want to say a word to anyone. No convo, no twitters, no blog posts. So, I have to ask people who want to know what is going on in the dating world of the Diva to please keep your negative comments to yourselves. I don’t need to hear them. I don’t want to hear them. I want to roll the dice and be able to laugh along the way and try to enjoy something that has huge potential to be an utter misery.