Sunday, January 11, 2009

For the Boys

I realize that dating can be difficult, and frequently the fellas are left confused and uncertain of what to do or how to behave. Today I have decide to give quick tidbits of advice to any and all looking for guidance (a couple of these also apply to the girls).

1. Timeliness. This one cannot be overstated. It is important to be on time, especially, if shall we say, you are GOING TO A MOVIE. You should get there before the movie starts, so that a. you don't miss anything and b. you don't have to sit in the front freaking row.

2. When the movie is over, don't comment on the lack of explanation at the beginning of the movie. Cause see, you didn't see the beginning of the movie because you couldn't be bothered to be ON TIME.

3. Check foot wear. If your date is in heels, please don't decide that it is better to walk down three levels of cars to get to your vehicle. She's in heels. Freaking wait for the elevator, jackass.

4. Think of your audience. If you are hanging with the guys, certainly there are all sorts of stupid rites of passage aren't we funny dummass stories you could tell. If you are on a date with someone you really don't know that well, you might want to hold out on the I was a 28 year old idiot that couldn't hold a job or my liquor. Another example, if you are, say on a date with a teacher, you wouldn't want to tell her that you sent a letter to a kid that did something totally asinine to teachers saying, "You have balls, kid, but you probably shouldn't have done that." Really? Really?(Before a Christmas party, he and a friend started drinking, then ate all of the heads of the gingerbread men that were designed for gifts for people. . . remember he was 28.)

5. Have a plan. It really doesn't matter if you are a moment to moment kind of guy. Show a little organization and a desire to impress. Have a plan. Hell, have 3 plans and lay the options out. Don't just circle the area as you try to pull your thumb out of your butt.

Ok, I could add more, but I think this pretty well covers the important stuff. The highlights, if you will, of how a guy can screw up an evening enough that the next morning he gets an email that says, "golly gee that was nice, thanks, but no thanks." Because ladies, it's just good manners to send a thank you note and to pull that bandaid off immediately when you know it needs to come off. No need to tarry in the matter.

I tried people. I really did. I even drank a lot in an effort to find him more charming. No go.

P.S. Example of the evening: Explaning what the other movies at the theater are about including Milk about the first gay politician in San Francisco who gets killed, and your date responds, "Well, I guess I don't have to see that movie since you told me the end." Try not to be toooo sarcastic as you tell him, it's a true story, everyone knows how it ends. It's like the Titanic. . . no surprise endings. Especially since you are going to see a movie that also has no surprise at the end. Dummassssss.

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