There are times when I wonder why on Earth I even date. I mean, seriously, dating, as mentioned before is an F-ing beating. I have to remind myself of the wonderful things that make me want a man.
1. They take the trash out (I am capable, I would prefer not to do this.)
2. They take care of the cars. ( I yearn for a vehicle that never runs out of gas and is perfectly maintained. My mother says this is the main reason she is married. She's kidding. I think.)
3. They take the dead animals out of the house and kill others that aren't dead but need killing. (This is why one of my sister's is married. She hasn't said so, but I'm pretty sure it's high on her list.)
4. They are wardrobe assistants. I had to go next door this evening to get assistance closing up the back of my dress. If I had a man, it would be his job.
5. They can raise your income bracket. Ok, this isn't always true, but if you are fairly self-sufficient, wouldn't it be delicious to be able to raise your bracket simply by falling in love? In the words of Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen prefer Blondes, "Don't you know marrying a rich man is like marrying a pretty girl. It's not why you do it, but my goodness, doesn't it help?" I say, YES!! I think my other sister rather likes where her income bracket currently resides.
6. Heavy lifting. I mean, there is a lot of stuff that is dang difficult to do by onesself, such as moving furniture and getting things out of the attic.
I'm sure there is more, but this is what I was able to come up with on the fly cause I think I'm going to need some reminding fairly soon of why I am torturing myself in such a fashion. Feel free to add, but don't give me any of that sentimental crap. I know better. ; )
I date because I need to find someone to put lotion on my back.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. I like hot showers. My skin is so dry.
I would never deny that "dealing with dead animals" is VERY high on the list. He's not doing much for shifting our income bracket. :)
ReplyDelete