Sunday, April 12, 2009

This is what I deal with

So, internet dating, eh? Lots of people are doing it, Oh, so and so met her husband through the internet, you should try it. And there are a ton of sites out there. A. Freaking. Ton.

So, perusing a site I found Mr. X. He is very specific about his dislikes. Here, let me show you:

VERY IMPORTANT: Might as well throw this in- Please do not email me if you have fake boobs. I really do not like them at all even if you went to the best doctor etc...

I know what I want and what I do not want, here is a list of the do not's... No fake boobs no matter what:) I do not see myself dating a woman who wears thongs, I know your reasons and I have to add that thongs do not fix your panty lines...I can still see a thong line going up the middle of your bottom.

Okay that sounded a bit negative, but you have not seen the winks and emails I have been getting. I would rather get ONE great email than 3200 mediocre ones.

Also I have two dogs so please be a dog lover too

Please reeview the following list, if any of these apply to you then emailing me is not the best use of your time.

Smokes even just a few :)
Fake boobs (covered this one already didn't we!)
Wears thongs (serious)
Not in shape
Catholic ( Yes I know you are a Christian but you will not get me into Mass...sorry)
Angry with men ( I know, you would think you would not be on Match right?)
Players ( Yes, woman on Match can be players just like the guys)
Pro Abortion (good for you but never would we get along)
Drinks daily
If you do not attend church monthly

Hey, If you were offended by any of that look at this as a time saver... Good luck

Wow, you know he's a charmer. In fact, I have used this as an example for many of what wacka-freaking-doodles are on the internet.

I didn't include the first paragraph, but needless to say he starts with his zip code which is. . . drum roll . . . hp (of course) . I also think it is great that he writes a couple and then decides to summarize his checklist of love.

Technically I do not attend church monthly, I attend weekly. Do you think I'm out? What about the Catholic business? I mean, Episcopalian is Catholic light and all.

What if I go commando? As long as there is no panty line, can he fall in love?

These are complicated issues. Currently, I don't drink daily, but I'm fairly certain any amount of time with this guy, and I will be drinking daily. Not in shape. . . how serious is he about this one? We all know that there are many skinny girls that aren't in shape at all. Other girls might appear larger, but are totally in shape. So, is he after in shape or just hot bod? I think either way I'm still out.

And I'll admit, I read that and thought, wow, this guy could meet the girl of his dreams, smart, funny, interesting and for whatever reason crazy about him, but if she had breast cancer and subsequently a boob job, he wouldn't be interested in her. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit, that's what I want.

Why am I forcing everyone to be a part of this? That's right, cause the putz emailed me and said he recognized me and wasn't I the yearbook adviser. Sigh. Yes. And no, I am not qualified to date your royal assness. Now go find some conservative, pro-life, granny panty wearing, droopy booby, bible thumping Baptist who doesn't drink, smoke, dance or like sex (sorry I added that for my own amusement.)


  1. That is too funny - I've been waiting for someone to find you that knows you!! It has happened and he knows where to find you - What a jerk.

  2. LOL! That last bit made me laugh so loud I'm sure the kids in the classroom next to my office jumped out of their seats.

    More seriously, the fact that he knows who you are is a little on the creepy side. Guess when you reply, you can't tell him what you really think of him. Unfortunate. I would have loved it if you had sent him the last 2 sentences of this post. :)

  3. WHAT? How did he know you were the yearbook advisor? Is he dating high school girls? They're probably the only ones who would put up with him.