Thursday, February 26, 2009

My brain is tired

I am a super freak. No, not your average freak. A super freak. Since meeting the Dane in New York it has been a bit of a whirlwind. Yes, it is fun to have the whole romance story thing. Yes, we had a nice weekend. But there are things that annoy me. Not huge things. Just lots of little things. My brain is mush from thinking about all of this crap, and I have no idea of which way is up at this point. MY HEAD HURTS.

Am I a saboteur, as Daisy as told me? Have I actually already made up my mind to kill the relationship? Am I just totally unused to a guy being totally in to me? (Well, that is a yes, but is that what is freaking me out?) What is it that I want if it isn't a guy that is totally in to me and determined to be nice even when I am being an uber bitch?

I seriously can't bear to talk about "us" one more time. And, I totally don't want to have any of the conversations that I feel like we need to have. Yuck. Can we not just talk about the weather and shoot the shit?

Why must there be so much angst attached to relationships? I want to shake off all of the stress and worry and just be able to talk and in doing so determine do I like this person. Part of my fear is that in the romance and the craziness of it all I got all distracted away from the "do I like this person" of it. Cause I don't know. Is that terrible? Enamoured, sure. Like, not so sure.

I feel like I'm usually a pretty good judge of other people and their relationships. I can hone in on the crux of the issue etc, but I am either totally incapable of doing it for myself or I have done it and I don't want to face the answer. . . chit, chit, chit.

Alright that's all for now. I'm taking my damn Theraflu and going to bed.

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