Friday, June 22, 2012

Money and Love

**I already did this one, but I made it mo' betta'

I find myself thinking about money and dating. It is such a tricky subject. Even going to dinner can be completely stressful if the guy isn't willing to just pick a place, how can I choose when it isn't my money being spent??? And the place he chooses often tells me a lot about him...and money (Let's not forget "I'll pick up a sixer, we'll watch the sun set from the bed of my truck, and eat pizza" guy.) 

Men hate the idea that women look at a man’s income to decide if he is “worth” dating. However, I think it is biological. It’s in our DNA. When it stops being part of the equation biologically, I would imagine it’s because she makes enough money for it to no longer be a concern. At this point, she could very well make more money than the man. At which point, his DNA and need to “provide” is endangered, and he can’t handle it. Ironic, eh? So, how does he provide? Does the woman have to find a man that’s overcome that most basic part of himself?  So, she still pays attention to how much he makes to be sure he makes more than she does.

On the other hand, if we heard of a woman searching for the poorest guy she could find, we’d think she was nuts. So, does she look for a “provider?” Yes, or at least an equal. Is it the sole qualifier? No.

I love when, for instance, on an online dating site, when he writes a ridiculously low number…and then gives other information that pretty much contradicts his number. Which leads to all sorts of conclusions. 1. He’s a liar and ok with it. 2. He thinks women are stupid? And won’t notice that he wrote $25,000 as his salary and then lawyer as his occupation. (If he is making $25,000 as a lawyer he has got to be the worlds crappiest lawyer, and who wants to date that guy.) 3. That he has formed the opinion that women are all golddiggers and can’t be trusted to know his income??? None of these things say anything good about the guy.

And men are perfectly ok looking for beauty. They would never say I’m looking for an ugly one.

Such a touchy subject working around it is a dance with an emporer in new clothes. We can’t discuss it, we’ve been convinced it’s poor form to think about it, but it’s there.

I’d like to think after this long on my own I’m not concerned with money but the truth is to find a guy making less it to wonder WTF how is that possible?
And doesn’t how much a guy make give all sorts of OTHER information?  Is he hard working? Does he set goals for himself in his job? If he isn’t making any money, then what on Earth IS his career choice?

I certainly don’t feel like I make a lot of money. But if I make more than the man how does that change the dynamic of the relationship? If marriage is already incredibly hard is that really something I want to add to the mix? Not being poor alone, but poor with someone else? Ug.

And I’m not suggesting that guys enjoy lowering their SOL by marrying because they probably do lower their standard of living usually, but let’s be honest. If they play their cards right, they are getting laid regularly, and surely that benefit isn’t lost in their equations….

Money to women is like beauty to men. It’s an added benefit.

In the words of Marilyn Monroe  from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes “Marrying a rich man is like marrying a pretty girl. It’s not why you do it, but my goodness, doesn’t it help?” 

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