Saturday, January 2, 2010

Please note: this was actually written on Wednesday. I've just been a little busy and possibly distracted.

What is it about New Year's Eve that makes us so reflective? Why aren't we more reflective on our birthdays? (with an ugly one approaching, I'm certain to be more reflective this year than most.)

What about Easter? For those that go to church, this should be a biggie. The Easter resolution has to be one worthy of someone dying for our sins. Those would be serious resolutions, none of these wimpy, gonna lose weight and find a man bullshit.

As a teacher, August is always a good time to reflect on how I want this school year to be different from any other. I will be calmer, more organized, etc, etc, etc. I will stretch the kids more. I will use technology more.

But here I sit, New Year's Eve watching my comforter circle about as I hang at Soapy's, my local Laundromat, thinking about what I want for 2010. Obviously this list includes bedding that doesn't smell like dog. I'd probably be closer to achieving this one if I actually kept the dogs off the bed, but then what fun is that??

I look back, and I think I have to ask myself if I am getting closer to enlightenment and becoming the person I want to be or not? Hard to tell sometimes.

If I were to be succinct, I would say I resolve to be the person God wants me to be in every area of my life, but I think we all know I'm more verbal than that.

I think I have been amazingly lucky in my lifetime in friendships. Friends are the family we choose. I am surrounded by people that support me and help me be a better person. My goal is to be the friend that all of these people have been to me.

Family. Oh, what can I say? The beginning and end of so many insecurities, fears, pain and hurt. They can raise me up and bring me crashing down. We each have our own M.O. for handling the family dynamics and entangling webs. Refusal to engage in the family dynamic but throwing oneself into the woes and lives of people never met? We've got that. A true Scarlett O'Hara, refusing to acknowledge and face problems? Forcing others to swallow whole whatever is eating them up? We've got that too. Total indifference and minimal communication with the family? check, check. This is an area I could make several resolutions, but it is a dangerous minefield. Perhaps turning 40 and dealing with family dynamics is a mistake. This one might hold.

Romance. Well, hmmm. It's been quite a year in that category. Who knew that I'd hit my stride this late in the game? I've gotten to meet all types. I've gotten to face the truth that "never married" doesn't mean "no luggage." I let one man screw me up and leave me with way more baggage than I should have. But, I've also gotten closer to knowing I'm OK with me. By myself or with someone else, I'm OK.

To be honest, I'm still excited that a week before New Year's Eve, I met a guy, with Potential. Smart, funny, thinks I'm sexy, makes me feel special, cooks for me and a really good guy. Will it go somewhere? I hope so. I also hope my super freaky, don't want to lose control insecure self doesn't jump ship and run. Cause I think that side is at war with the side that knows she deserves a really great guy. On the other hand, dating has provided much of the fodder for this blog. Not sure how entertaining I'll be if I get into a boring relationship...screw it, you people are on your own ; )

Reduction of inventory: (That's what my friend, Pam, used to call it when she got rid of stuff. I'd like to add that frequently involved bringing stuff to me to inherit.) Selling my house made me sad, no doubt about it. Mostly because it was a true home with neighbors I loved, and it just made me happy. But selling the house, well, it was also freeing. As I look around at the "stuff" I have collected through the years, I am realizing it is time to for me to start letting go. I am taking advantage of the wonders of the Internet and my friend, Craig to sell as much as I can. I'll have an old fashioned garage sale in the spring.

This place is small so I have to make hard choices about what is important in my life and what isn't (at least "stuff" wise) I'm starting to really dig letting go. I hope 2010 leaves me a leaner more streamlined Diva.

The Temple (aka the body people). As you might have surmised, I'm unable to look beyond the big bday especially as I begin to deal with doctors visits, and the pains and aches that seem to come with getting older. I made some big decisions a few years ago based on my desire to change my way of life as I approach middle age. I don't regret any of my choices. Losing the gall bladder did more to straighten up my eating choices than any decisions I made (something about not being able to eat FAT without suffering terribly does that), but even with the problems, that's worked out nicely. I suggest gall bladder removal for everyone, but word on the street is that it doesn't always work as a diet method. Lots of people have cooperatives livers that take over immediately and happily all gall bladder duties.

I began working out a month ago, and I'm pretty sure if it doesn't kill me, it will make me stronger and put me in better shape than I've been in my entire life. I'll have to have a special blog post on that. It's walking distance from house, so that should help tremendously on the stick with it front.

Finances. Damn them. They always make the list. Selling the house put me on the right path and took a huge amount of stress and pressure off of me. I've streamlined, made some changes and, if I can stay focused, I'll move much closer to being debt free.

Well, now I'm watching the comforter circle in the dryer. I hope 2010 brings good things for me and you. All five of you. . . hahahahahah

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