Friday, January 22, 2010

Today was a traumatic day

*** Totally inappropriate for young children, the squeamish and men. There, consider yourself warned.

Today was traumatic not just because I started the day hurling, surely that alone is enough to qualify as traumatic, but more importantly because today was the day I went to my new lady doctor. . . I have had the same doctor as long as I have been going. One. Doctor. Only. I have tried to limit the people that have visited my girl bits. One doctor. 20 some odd years. Yes, it was a woman, and yes, this one is a woman, but still. The whole thing is awkward. Getting to know someone new and trying to act blase about some stranger being down in private town.

Now I tried to get sympathy from the BFF but as it turns out if your husband is in the military, there are a parade of people who have seen your girl bits through the years and therefore you are unable to be truly sympathetic to the trauma of a NEW Girl doctor.

She was a very nice lady. I think she might be Persian which did cause a little bit of confusion. She asked me if I smoked (in my defense I was distracted because she had begun the exam process). I told her yes, I did drink milk. I needed her to repeat things a couple of times which might have given her the idea that at the ripe old age of almost 40 I am clearly going deaf.

In fact she made a comment about almost being 40 and then said, "Oh, I know, I am almost 38." It would have been wrong to punch my new girl doctor right?

Some of you know that I have had migraines since I started teaching (that corollary is a whole nother post.) Early on I was given a drug called Fiortal for the migraines. Works great. I have taken it for years. So, I then began working on getting my lady doctor to prescribe. She was ALWAYS reticent. She used to give me 10 at a time. That alone usually gave me a migraine just thinking about how few I had. Apparently it is a controlled substance, so she was all nervous about it. So, almost 16 years later, I finally had gotten her to relax and prescribe 50 at a time. . . for a year. It was great. New doctor. . .that's right. . . I have to start all over convincing her I am not abusing them and I'm not a druggie.

She asked me if I gone to a neurologist. My response was why would I do that when I had found something that worked. She asked if I knew when I got them, and she appeared impressed that I told her I had 5 triggers and when I hit 3 of the 5 I would get a migraine. She then gave me the perscription, just for 20, better than nothing I say.

Then she asked me about birth control, if I was tied to pills (which are really nice because I know when NOT to wear the white clothing if you know what I mean.) Apparently as we get REALLY REALLY old we have to be careful of the amount of hormones we add to our bodies. She suggested the Nuvaring. Please feel free to peruse the website and contemplate the questions you might have. I know I am slightly taken aback by how this is going to work exactly. It apparently can be placed inside the body and removed every three months. No period for 3 months at a time. Small pause, then, "Unless you like getting your period."

"Uh, that would be a no ghost rider."

I asked if it was fairly idiot proof . . . she said yes. I have my doubts. She gave me a sample with instructions to keep it in the fridge until I use it. . . Umm, where would that go? With the eggs? Cheese drawer? Next to soft drinks? And good Lord, won't that thing be cold when it's time to be a using it? I'd be happy to let you know when it is time, but that may qualify as WAAAYYYYYY too TMI (while clearly this post is just slightly TMI).

And that was my visit to my new lady doctor.

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