Thursday, August 20, 2009

How to put it in words

WARNING: The following post is really just sad pathetic whining about an
existence that is totally and completely of my own making. I know this, I'm just
whining, cause I can.

How can I possibly put into words how utterly crappy everything is going? I take one step forward and two steps back. I am so tired I can hardly think. Just when I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel . . . it flickers and goes out. I feel like a little beat up puppy on the side of the road looking around trying to figure out who is going to kick me next. Pretty much the whole post is this whiney so you might now want to keep reading. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The list of things to do does appear to be getting shorter, but I tell you what is left on the list is a total beating, and everytime I turn around I see more that needs to be done. I can't put the house on the market until I have things like the front door looking good and, say, DOOR HANDLES on the doors. I realized two days ago that I have a corner of a kitchen cabinet that Buddy used to work on his chewing techniques. So, that has to be fixed.

So, yesterday was day 3 of long torturous meetings. I have a coworker who I swear is determined to get into power plays with me and exert her authority. I have no idea of what it is about but I know that Scooby is now gone, Blondie (who I love is in his place). So why now do I have to deal with someone new who appears to just want to jack with me?

At the end of the day I headed home. Of course I had to take a trip to Home Depot, make some exchanges, get more mulch for the backyard and that kind of thing.

I got to the parentals at about 8:30 or so. (Once the house was cleaned it was just better to not be here to keep it clean.) Mom had left me a message earlier that Dad had gone by my house and set off the alarm. Ok, no problem. Except that Dad was PISSED and vibrating with unhappiness that I had the audacity to forget to tell him the alarm had been set. So we got in a bit of a screaming match at which point I started crying. And crying. And crying.

I went to sleep crying. Clearly, I was getting close to the end. I got up early and headed out to school so that I could try to get some work done before heading to meetings again. As I sat in the morning meeting, again started spontaneous crying. Really a little creapy and kind of scary, I'm sure.

I left school at about 11:30 so I could go to the bank and get the money to pay the painter and house cleaner before heading over to a store to pay for the rest of my handyman's bill.

I left the bank and headed down Mockingbird Lane. . . wait for it. . . wait for it. . . so I don't know where my brain was, but light turns red, first car stops, second car stops, third car with driver not paying attention (yours truly) nails second car. Airbags pop, air is filled with smoke and I think, wow I'm screwed.

So, first driver et al, totally ok, second driver a little whiney, not even driving his car, P.O.S. and my car . . . evetually towed away. I have pictures, but I'm too tired to figure out how to get them over to the blog now. My diamond bracelet broke. I'm totally bummed about that, and, of course the airbags exploded and the car now sounds funny.

On the phone for an hour sweating as the really, really nice lady with Farmers took my report and then stayed on the phone as we called 5 different Enterprise rent a cars and the tow company. (I pretty much cried through all of this too.)

So to the rent a car place and then to Service King where my lovely service person reinterates what the Farmers lady said which is due to the damage that appears to have occurred a claims adjustor will look at the car and then determine if it will be considered totaled. I, of course, can't afford for the car to be totaled because I don't have any money, and I sure as shit won't qualify for any loan. Spectacular.

Headed back down to Dallas to take care of my debts, back to school to get some stuff done (Yeah, I guess I could take it as a positive that I missed the afternoon meetings, but I bet I get punished for that some how) and then back to my house to work, water and wait for Lorenzo the painter to meet me. He said he would be here between 7:00 and 7:30. . . I'm betting that he doesn't show on time.

Cause that is the way that my life is going right now. Ok, that's about all I got. Still tired beyond all recognition. Only now I have added my entire body is completely sore. It was sore before the accident so it is hard to tell how much of it was just from everything I've been doing, and how much is new. There is a ton that needs to happen before school starts on Monday. There is ton that needs to happen before I put the house on the market (obviously not today as I had hoped). And I am nothing but a mass of exposed nerves and I am standing dangerously close to the cliffs of insanity.

Oh, and I can't really bear to talk to anyone because I just want to start crying. That's just a fun little sidebar to my existence.


  1. oh, Elizabeth......hang in there. I think the crying is totally NORMAL. You are under so much pressure! I'm so sorry. I'm thankful you are ok. You will get through this.

  2. In a twisted way, I'm glad I'm so far behind on my blog reading. In hindsight, I already know things have gotten better...but it's still tough to think about how gray those not-too-distant days were.