Sunday, August 9, 2009

I have officially hit a new low.

And by new low I mean, I am so tired and so worn out that I can hardly think or even breath. I am so stressed out and freaked out and worried. It is unbelievable in a world filled with so many people that it is still possible to feel totally and completely alone. I know I am loved and that people care, but there's a limit to just how much people can empathize and sympathize when they aren't actually there beside you. I know that I am dealing with the fallout from a problem and situation that I created. But it doesn't mean that I'm not paying for it, literally and figuratively.

I woke up this morning hungry, so I started eating breakfast before I had finished my medicine. I know better than to do that, but I did, and then I paid the price. I actually went back to bed and, luckily, my system cleared up by about noon.

I worked some more emptying out the back house room and boxing stuff up. I went to Home Depot, took care of a ton of returns, got some more outlet covers and then got some plants etc for the front of the house (you got nothing if you are missing the curb appeal.)

I didn't realize how much I have been counting on my parents' help until they told me they weren't coming until Tuesday. I almost hyperventilated. I am working Tuesday through Thursday. That would mean that they really wouldn't be able to do anything until Friday and school starts officially for teachers the following Monday. I realize that it is not their problem and I absolutely should not be expecting so much of them. When I heard them say that, I just felt totally and completely alone. I don't know if they felt my anxiety through the line, but they said they would come tomorrow, although I don't know when. I may still be misjudging how much I should/could really expect of them, but I guess I'll know tomorrow. There is a handy man company that I have used before that I think takes credit cards . . . I might be giving them a call very soon.

I know I am doing the right thing to sell the house, both because of how much this house is costing me monthly and because of how much I know I can make selling it. I have checked and rechecked comps, and I really do feel confident that I can make enough money to pay off my credit cards and free myself of the total and complete financial mess I have created for myself.

I am spending a fair amount of money to get everything done, but I am totally confident that I will get the money back when it sells. Maybe I am overconfident, but I don't think so.

Because the bathroom took so much freaking longer than it was supposed to take, I have started researching how much it will cost to take care of some of things that other people can do because there is soooo much stuff that can't be parceled out, and I am so totally running out of time.

I know that statistics say home buyers see problems and always over estimate the cost of repairs etc so you don't want them to start adding things up in their heads. After working on the kitchen floor so much I'm not sure if my hands will ever recover (or my lungs for that matter after sniffing goof off for a week), I finally realized I needed to get 3 estimates and just have a flooring allowance. Ok. Done.

I checked into the getting sod laid in the backyard, the cost of painting the parts of the house that I haven't taken care of yet, the cost of getting the windows cleaned and at the end, the entire house cleaned. Everything was rocking along until the painter (referred by someone who totally trusts him) told me it would be $1175 (1050 if I paid cash), and no he doesn't take checks. Let's be clear I have absolutely no money left. I am living off of my final credit card that hasn't dropped my limit to what I owe. I could try to find another painter (some one I have no references on) who may or may not be able to do it on the exact days I need it done and who I'm almost certain will cost more. Yup. Options are looking good. (Feel free to hear the sarcasm dripping.)

Ok, so let's look at what I need to do to put the house on the market:
Stain the thresholds between the rooms,
hang mirror in second bath as well as towel bar, toilet paper holder etc.,
hang chandelier in dining room,
repair the wood trim in first bath and paint it,
put up the towel bar and fix the screw that is stuck in the wall from when I tried to do the hand towel bar,
new string for attic door,
3 doors have no knobs, so they need to be installed,
I need to continue removing the random hooks, nails etc in walls through out the house,
I need a curtain for the master closet,
I have the world's smallest pantry so I need to clean it out and make it look roomy,
and clean out the kitchen cabinets,
curtain for the kitchen,
hang art throughout the house,
clean and paint the baseboards in the master bedroom
I need to touch up the paint in the master, 1st bath, living room, tv room and guest room,
even though I have mostly given up on the wood floors I still feel like I need to get some of the more obvious paint off of them, but I can only do a little bit at a time because my arms and fingers get so sore,
paint the backhouse floor. It has termite damage, and it looks bad, but I have extra dark brown paint, and I already plan to stage it, but I think it will really help to have the floors look really fresh,
I need to power wash the house. I can't do it alone because the washer is too heavy,
I have bought stones for the backyard to go to the back house and the back gate, so they need to be laid, and I need to plant the flowers for the front flower bed,
I have a shitload of trips to make to the storage unit,
I need help moving the stove so that I can pull the laminate up that is under the stove, again I know I am making a floor allowance, but I still don't want it to look hideous,
the threshold laid in the bedroom closet is too high so it needs to be sanded (how exactly am I going to do that without getting dust on ALL of my freaking clothes,)
remove the mexican light from the front porch,
change the air filter and clean the stupid vents,
paint front closet,
paint and clean the back door of the house,
clean the area rug on the front porch,
wash curtains,
and did I mention when all of that is done I need to go back and start doing the "staging" part, setting the tables making things look cutsy etc. Oh, and before the rest of the list of things that I haven't even thought of or realized yet.

Does it sound like a lot? Because I look at this list, and I want to throw up. I know that when school starts I am going to be exhausted and unable to do much of anything.

I know I need to get the house on the market asap and get it sold so that I can close 30 days later and be out from under this mess.

I know that all the money I am spending now are going to help make my house look ready to live in (even if the kitchen needs to be remodeled and one of the bathrooms needs to be updated).

I haven't even gotten to the part about what am I going to do with two dogs, a cat and a girl as I start having random people in the house doing work and as the house goes on the market. I guarantee you staging doesn't include outfits for the pets, it includes no signs of pets living here. And then I'm going to have to be soemwhere cause let's admit it, I'm a messy monkey and it will just be easier for me not to be here although totally stressful to be somewhere else.

Oh, and in case you aren't feeling my stess. . . as of right now I basically have 7 days (3 of which will be spent at school) 1 day the painter will be at the house so I'm not sure of what I will be able to do that day thereby bringing me down to 3 full days left. Yeah, feel free to go back and review my list.

Ok, strangely I actually feel a little better. I have no idea of why, maybe it is the macaroni and cheese I made for dinner. And just that whole theraputic writing thing. or the alcohol, could be that.


  1. I had mac 'n' cheese for dinner, too! And it always makes everything better.

    I'm sorry this is such a stressful, isolating time. You will survive, and although the house might not end up perfect, it will end up good enough. And that's just fine.

    Wish I was there - I would totally paint for you. Keep your chin up and remember you have a huge cheering section and allllll of this hard work is going to pay off in a big way. Eye of the Tiger, baby!

  2. You are not alone. Hang in there.

  3. Any chance you could throw a painting party? - free booze and food are usually a good incentive! That's what I did before I had to move out of my appt and needed to get it back up to scratch to get my deposit back.

    Good luck and hamg in there :-)

  4. I'm with you in spirit, if not in any practical form. Hubby volunteered to come up the weekend of the 22nd. Let us know....