Friday, April 2, 2010

I am a pixie I mean something else

There I said it. I am frustrated and my feelings are hurt and when Mr. P finally calls, I'm too much of a pxssy to say anything.

I am totally disgusted with myself. I mean, what is wrong with me? How it is possible? I am a grown woman. I am independent. I have a job. I have self-confidence. I believe in myself. I am woman, hear me effin roar. BUT, BUT I can't manage to say to someone, hey, my feelings were hurt when you did this. How pathetic am I?????

At least I did say that I wasn't going up to the lake tomorrow. Big deal. I'm dying to go, and it means I'm not going to see him one more day, so really I am denying myself, but I didn't want to go by myself. (The vision in my head is that he gives me directions, I get lost, I get pissed, I'm cranky when I get there, he says WTF and we are done, so just best not to go, another weekend perhaps.)

Why is it so difficult? Why is talking to someone so hard? Why is dating so hard? Honestly, I have to tell you that if things don't work with Mr. P, I am not dating anyone else for a while.

At any rate, so I have got to gird my loins, get some courage, and talk to him. I think I need to go take a Tums. Maybe two.

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