Friday, October 8, 2010


It's been 50 days since Sabrina had her stroke.

I started giving up hope a couple of weeks ago. She is walking again which is fantastic, but she has no control over her bladder or bowels. I spend a lot of time cleaning up the messes she leaves behind.

I had begun to cry (often), trying to accept putting Sabrina down, and just in general being utterly depressed and sad.
As a side note, I don't know how people survive having small children in the house. My entire world has shrunk down to the size of my living room. The size of my plastic covered living room.

I have been going home every day during 3rd period to "express" Sabrina's bladder. She has no sensation so she doesn't know when she needs to pee, I literally have to squeeze her bladder to make her pee. There will never be photos of that maneuver, trust me.

She doesn't know when she has to poop so she just does it as she walks. Yeah, you can see the need for plastic. (Although please note that she can still manage to find a way to get her butt on the ONE SPOT that is uncovered.)

Occasionally I have let her get on the big comfy chair with me (layer of plastic, blanket, then us) ...well, until she pees on me.

She walks pretty well now. Still a little like a one year old... all wiggly and some times surprised when her butt shows up beside her head, but we can walk almost 2 miles now. THAT is really good.

Buddy is doing pretty well through all of this. He gets a little jealous, so he can't stand it when I cave and let Sabrina on the chair. Little me sandwich. (I was in my little pjs so I put a photoshop skirt on me : )
And the truth has come out...turns out, Buddy is the one eating on the red chair (that's why there is plastic around the arms.) Buddy is the one that eats blankets etc. He is the one causing all sorts of trouble. Guess he didn't think that when he was the only one allowed to run free if he was bad, he wouldn't be able to hide behind the "it wasn't me, it was her" defense.

Buddy constantly wants to play with her, and she does a little but she does still snap at him when he catches her by surprise.

At any rate, we hang out when I'm not making their special dinners or cleaning up after the messes or trying to make her potty or doing the laundry. I snuggle with her as much as possible because I'm worried and I don't know how long she will be around. I love her with all my heart, but I know that I can't keep this up forever. It is really, really hard.

And I have been taking lots and lots of pictures. Ode to Sabrina, if you will.

Two days ago, I came home 3rd to find a MESS, so I threw the dogs outside because I didn't have time to clean and headed back to school. The dog hater started calling an hour later and called 6 times in two hours. I finally had to start hanging up on her. She then sent me a nasty email using my worries about Sabrina (which I wish I hadn't blurted out) against me, you know ...if you can't take care of your dogs you should find someone else to do so. BITCH.

It just has all been throwing me into a total depression.

BUT. Last night. She stood up, and her tail was sticking STRAIGHT OUT. (No, I didn't manage to get a picture, I know, I know.) This may not sound like much, but trust is something. AND this morning she was standing still, but I could see the top part of her tail moving...AAUUGGGHHHHHH I am so excited.

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