Thursday, October 21, 2010

Hello, hello, hello

I started writing to keep friends and family up on what was going on with my move and trip 4 + years ago. As I did it, I realized that although I had tried to write journals for years, some how, writing online for my little blog posts seemed to work for me. I guess I like to write for others. Now, I am writing, but it feels like I am writing into a void. That what I am writing will never actually be seen. The upside of that, is of course, that I am less likely to get in trouble. I feel like I've been doing a whole lotta that lately.

To catch you up on the latest...

Some times I swear, life is really too much. So the BFF has been worrying about me getting my lease renewed since it has been almost a year since I moved into the current casa. So, I final sent the rental company an email asking about it. Then I called. They said that the owner was wanting to raise the rent, and they would do an "inspection" and then decide how much to raise the rent. The whole thing really annoyed me, and, as you might guess, caused me to freak out a bit. I sent an email expressing my distress and asking that an inspection occur on Monday if possible.

I still haven't heard from them. It's after noon on Friday. I'm thinking Monday...not gonna happen.

I started looking online to see what else was out there. Wednesday, I went to look at a place that looked pretty good. Actually fantastic AND is cheaper than where I am now!! (That is likely to be the only good news to emerge from my life this or even next month, so let's pause a moment and really enjoy it.) OK, moving on.

In the meantime, I got a phone call from my friend PR. (I'm so glad that I have friends.) Turns out a high ranking parent in the district told the superintendent that I wrote about a school incident in my blog. Go ahead read previous posts and see if there is any thing worthy of attention a la school. See if they managed to completely miss the point of everything I wrote. I am so pissed. So, twitter and blog are now private.

And again, I am reminded that the relationships I thought I had with the kids, aren't quite what I have thought they were.

Because yeah, I had the audacity to express my opinion to the girls about something they did. I am so freaking sad. and mad. and bitter. and sad.

It's like this big freaking sign that I need to completely distance myself from them. And that will really suck the fun out of my job. Because the value I thought I was adding to my job was trying to help them to be thoughtful, and responsible and honest. And it turns out, that I'm not actually adding any value at all.

Yes, I know I am writing in a funk. Eventually I will emerge. But right now. I am wishing I had a different job. That paid better. And didn't make me feel like a complete failure.

I am wishing that my life were totally different. I am wishing that I didn't feel like I was at the bottom of a well with little chance of seeing the light of day soon.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Diva. I'm sorry for all the drama. I hope you keep writing - I'm with you - blogging is the only journal I've stuck with for an extended period of time. It's good therapy, and you are a good writer.

    As for school and the yuck ... I have a fantasy about people who obviously don't have enough to worry about going on a reality show where they adopt crack babies and have to deal with real problems. Sounds like we can sign that nosy parent up for season one.

    Hang in there!