Friday, July 2, 2010

NaBloPoMo writing prompt

Why am I choosing to respond to this? Well, because my other choice is to actually work on the stuff that I have promised will be turned in TUESDAY. Oh, and that I have done nothing with so far. So, I still have plenty of time, and not enough pressure yet to actually get me busy writing on that.

The prompt is what is the first thing you notice when you meet a man/woman. Hmm, interesting.

I think this is an interesting question because it ties into my recent contemplations regarding Honesty. As in everyone says they want honesty but people don't seem to be comfortable being honest. Also, I think there are things we have convinced ourselves are not ok to say, for instance, "The first thing I notice is his ass."

Honesty. We all say we want honesty, but I have to ask, do we really? As a society, have we trained our loved ones and friends to lie to us? When a girl asks her guy, "Does this make my butt look big?" Is she really looking for an honest answer? Have we so trained our friends to not be honest with us? That is a totally depressing thought. I pray that I have friends that will be honest with me. That will tell me when an outfit isn't my best, that will let me know when I'm in the middle of making an ass out of myself, and that will look me in the eye and say you are screwing up when I am.

In the dating world, I am trying to be understanding that guys are scared to be truthful with girls. To say they don't want to go out again, to say they like you but not that much. What must they fear? Our crazy reactions? Crying? Screaming? Feeling guilty for hurting someone's feelings? Personally, I would so much rather have someone be honest with me than anything else.

First thing we notice. I HATE when people say the first thing they notice is anything other than PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS. Cause they are full of shit. Unless you are blind, you can't help but notice the physical cause you really can't notice someone's intellect or sense of humor on first LOOK. Let's just say it: we notice physical. Maybe we notice butts or hair or eyes or pecs, but we notice what people look like. It just is the truth.

Now, I will say that many, many years ago, I went to a bar with my cousin (and one of my very favorite people). I was googly eyed for the DJ. My cousin told me to look at the way he was talking to the people. That he wasn't being very nice. It was a good lesson. Beautiful people can be ugly inside and ugly people can be surprisingly attractive because they are such good people.

My friend, PhD, was asking me about what I am looking for in a man these days. I have to tell you. I have no idea. I know in my 20's I had a pretty damn long list. These days, it is pretty short.

I want honesty; no matter how hard that is to find. I want someone who is honest. And who thinks I'm funny. Ok, it would be cool if they were funny too. And they need to be good with money. Not necessarily rich (sure, I'd like to win the lottery, but let's face it, if I was really after money, I would have snagged someone by now, I am way pickier than that), but they do have to be able to balance a checkbook. We know I suck with money, and it's best if at least one person in any relationship can count. That's all I'm saying. I'm not sure if I can even come up with anything else.

I know there are things that are important that I'm not thinking about. So, you my friends, need to help guide me. Help me think about what really matters in a relationship. What am I not remembering that is important?

P.S. If you don't answer, I'll assume you so enjoy my disasters in dating so much you can't bear to help guide me and make dating easier!!

OK After going to dinner with my friend AP, I've realized I forgot faith. I definitely want someone who will go to church with me, and compentent. I'm not saying he has to make a ton of money but he needs to be competent at whatever he does career wise. Sounds like a no brainer, but I'm adding it anyway.


  1. I think you pretty much nailed the two most important qualities. The ability to hold a job is important. I always ask myself, would I want to be stuck on a desert island with this person.

  2. Ohh, that's good. There are quite a few people I would most definitely NOT want to be stuck on a desert island with. Or any island for that fact.

  3. Ooh - good questions. I tend to notice people's clothing when I first meet them. I think I'd be much better with names if everybody wore the same color all the time. I don't ask for much.

    As for the list of qualities in a partner ... I'm with you - what I look for now is way, way different than what I looked for in my 20s, and in a way I think that it was a gift that I didn't end up shackled to the guy I dated in my 20s because of that.

    I think friendship and acceptance are important. For me, money and responsibility are a given. But someone who accepts me for who I am and loves me no matter what? For some reason, it took me a long time to figure out that I was worthy of these gifts in a relationship.