Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Some days I have less to say than others

Ok, I admit it. I have lots to say, but I sometimes don't seem to get it on to paper or the blogsphere as it may be. I have ideas from my trip of things I would like to write about, but nothing is coming to mind, and I forgot my thumb drive with pictures on it.

I got back from spring break feeling pretty good. I worked on weeding the flower bed. (Looks good.) I pulled up the rest of the carpeting in the master bedroom. (The floors underneath look wretched, but I'm still glad that the carpeting is up.) I also did copious amounts of laundry. I met what is potentially date #8 at Kirby's Steakhouse last week. I think we are going out Sunday, but we'll see what happens.

All of this to say, that really nothing much is happening these days, so it is hard to come up with good stuff to write.

I have a friend being traumatized by, what is currently, a bad relationship. I keep telling her not to put too much stock in what I say because I keep having flashbacks to my own bad relationship: Guyana Punch. The one that I wanted to last forever. The guy that made my toes curl. I can't even begin to describe the millions of ways that I was crazy about him, or the 8 million ways that he was totally toxic. I am trying to support her, but I'm not sure that I always do a great job.

Her relationship has great potential. God knows, mine had potential at one point, but the travesty of relationships is that we can only control 50% of the participants at best. Hell, if we are honest with ourselves we don't even control 50%, quite frankly. We do all sorts of stuff that we don't mean to do, and we find ourselves saying things we may or may not mean to say. What a beating.

It's really hard to think of the right things to say. I know the most important thing is to just be there, but it is almost painful to hear what is happening. First, I hate that she is in pain and suffering. She is a really good person, she has a heart of gold, and she truly always tries to do the right thing.

Second, it is absolutely painful to hear her talking about something happening now, and know how utterly horrible it was for my bff to hear my stories and to not be able to wrap her fingers around GP's neck and slowly kill him. Because I so desperately want to shake the shit out of the stupid SOB that she has set her heart on.

(Did I mention that I actually like the stupid SOB? Known him a long time. He's funny, smart, interesting, etc etc, but sometimes people are broken. There are lots of amazing people out there, but because of trauma in their lives, too many things going wrong at the same time, or just because of how they have chosen to live their lives, they are broken. Right now, I think he is a little broken. I really hope he pulls through and figures stuff out for his sake and hers, but it is so hard. I am praying for them both that it all works out.

In the meantime, I follow my amiga in dating Cha Cha dealing with her ex's and the current drive-bys and I look at my own past with GP and current drive-bys. Why is dating so difficult? And it doesn't do anything but get harder as we get older. As time goes by, we are more set in our ways, and it is harder to be willing to tolerate other people's idiosyncracies especially when I can barely tolerate my own. (I'm saying 'we' hoping it really is 'we' and not just me.)

I am hoping for good things for my friend, but I am also hoping for good things for me, for Cha Cha and for all of us trapped in the Hell known as dating.

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