Saturday, May 19, 2012

I feel miserable

It's Saturday afternoon. And so far, the new blog appears to be an accounting of the crappy shitty part of my life. How depressing is this? No wonder I haven't told anyone about the new blog. How could I have possibly realized that when I named this one defcon1 how very right I was to name it this.

Ironically, I think I came up with the name while watching Glee which I happen to be watching now.

My head is throbbing. I can literally feel my entire face hurting. It is utterly miserable. In fact, the pain was so great last night, that this morning I got up and went to minute clinic to get some medicine. (Trust me when I tell you, that means I was in pain.) I swear there is a tree or a bush or something on this effin property that I am totally and completely allergic to. I work in the yard...then I'm sick as a dog. I need to mow, but I just can't bear to do it. And, let's be clear. This yard needs serious work!

Yesterday I was ready for all of my kids all day to work to get the room for summer, get all the yearbooks moved downstairs to the new storage room and do a couple of other things. The seniors disappeared. So, I called their parents to let them know the girls needed to be at school Monday or they would have ISS Thursday. Nice rounding out of the year to let me know that they absolutely don't give a shit about school or me.

I sent a text last night to Austin. Yeah, a part of me hoped he would respond and let me know that I was wrong. He really does want to have a relationship. Turns out no. Not a word. It all just wears me out. I've been dating way too long. So back onto we'll see what happens.

I don't think I've talked to the BFF in a week. I don't even know how I feel about it. I don't have anything positive to say. I'm  not happy. Nothing feels like it is going right. Why would anyone want to talk to me? I manage to get through each day, and I am so glad. But I don't have the energy to talk to anyone. I'm just glad I made it through another day.

I'm giving Peppy a ride (girl who lives near me. Sold her car, and hasn't found a new one yet) to and from school. She is a happy little chatter box. Hurts my head. just a little. I love her, she is great, but I worry that she hates having to ride with me because I add nothing to the convo. Of course the afternoons are funny because we seem to end up at bars everyday. My liver might appreciate her getting her new car.

That's really the only conversation that I'm having these days. Mostly I'm just trying to survive. I'd love to get my act together and have things improve, but not sure I see it happening soon.

On the other hand, at least we only have 5 days left of school.

No comments:

Post a Comment