Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Well, it's not ALL bad

So about a week ago I was still in the "things can't get any worse, my life is terribly NOTHING is going ok" then God reminded me that my car had been working just fine cause I got hit with $1500 to get it working again.

Now, the house that I'm not even sure I want anymore has FINALLY been approved by Citibank (the seller's bank) to sell. Yip freaking pee. Next stop: inspection on Friday to see if the house being sold AS IS is in good enough shape to be worth buying. Keeping my fingers crossed and the prayer lines open.

The insanely crazy mother of a student who desperately wants me to be fired is at bay for the moment. I hate having her daughter in my class because it's like walking around on glass to be sure I don't say anything that could be misconstrued as negative...who are we kidding? I have to not say anything. Sigh.

I did get an email from the air marshall saying Happy Valentines day and he wanted to talk but he was flying to France would I be around this weekend. Ha. As if I do anything anymore. Clearly he's not reading the blog. hahahahahaha I don't want to think too much about that either. My feelings for him haven't changed, but I know that things aren't going well for him yet either. So, I don't know what that conversation holds. Gonna try to not obsess over that too. (Let's be honest, he's not a thinking deal, he's an obsessing deal.)

The yearbook staff is working. Pretty consistently at the moment. THANK YOU GOD. They have to get 45 pages in by this Friday and then another 20 next and final the book Feb 27th. If they pull it off, it will be a miracle but we need a miracle to get this book out on time. Never have we been so close to failure.

I spend most of my days trying really hard to NOT think too hard about any one part of my life. My brain flits around all topics constantly reminding myself to stay calm and trust in God.

In the meantime, I don't want to talk about ANY of it because it ALL stresses me out. I went out with friends the other night and literally said, "You can not be overly nice or solicitous. I will cry." I should call my sister, but I can't because we haven't talked in months. I don't have the energy to either catch her up or listen to her talk about her life. It takes energy to act interested. I haven't put a lot of thought into that before now, but it's true. It does. And all of my energy is being used up. I want to take a day off. But what would I do? Sit at home and stare at Pete and Mona? haha. No.

Ironically, it probably stresses out everyone around me to have me not wanting to talk about anything, but really I am doing the best I can at this point. I am like a marathoner just trying to make it to the end. I don't have a lot of witty banter in me. I don't have any fun stories. I don't have a lot of idle chit chat. All of that takes energy. Energy I don't have.

Right now, I feel like the end of my marathon is March 9th. If it goes through, I'll close on the house. The new yearbook staff for next year will be chosen. The main book will have been finaled. The real estate book will be off my plate until the next step in June, and I'll be able to focus on moving forward.

Today, I'm just focused on breathing in and out and staying vertical. I mean it.

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