Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Sex and the City

I’m on my girls’ vaca/spring break with my BFF. For the uninitiated, this involves a lot of sitting around, a little bit of errand running, daily child drop off/pick up and lots of hanging out. The hanging out part…the BEST. We spend a lot of time talking as we go about our days no matter what, but this way we are actually together doing nothing. The cosmo cafe in the afternoon in her kitchen is utterly delightful as well.

For us, part of the joy…well that would be our Sex and the City marathons. Oh, how we love that show and the girls. Sadly, it reflects far more of my life than it does the BFF's. I have always loved Miss Carrie Bradshaw. In fact, frequently I have tried to channel Miss Bradshaw as I wrote my blog. I haven't always been successful. And sure, I am not a big city girl, shockingly beautiful or dating lots of men, but still. I think big thoughts ; )

I find that I am contemplating Carrie Bradshaw’s life, my own life and lessons I’ve learned dating.

First and foremost, I take pride in saying, I am crazy as any girl a guy is likely to date, but God help me, he will never know it. My crazy I keep on the inside…well and in many long tortured conversations with the BFF and other close confidantes. But the men, they don't get to know that.

An ancillary point to this is that all men expect every woman they date to be crazy. I have heard enough stories to know this is actually a reasonable expectation. I hate to admit it, but it is true. Women have a tendency to behave badly in relationships. I hate that. I wish it were different. I wish, in general, there were more best friends out there helping girls to not be quite so crazy.

Next, don't pick up the phone. Don't call, don't text, don't email. When I was a young lass, I can remember my mother telling me I was never to call a boy. Didn’t matter if it was to get homework or to ask a question or what…no calling the boys. Years later, this is one of those lessons that I must admit, mother knew best. If a guy wants to talk to you…he’ll call. Otherwise, you are really just bugging him. It is really hard to do at times, but just such a good idea: don't call 'em. They will call you. If they aren't calling you, well, that is information. May not be the information you want to be getting, but it still information.

This next lesson, girls have a terrible time with this lesson, I think it hangs nicely off the last one. There is no such thing as closure. We so hate for relationships to end. We want them to be finished neatly and put away. I have a friend of mine who said he got a call from the woman he was dating. She invited him over for dinner, and to tell him that she was dating someone else. He was to say the least perplexed. Why did she think that conversation required a meal? A call would have been fine, in fact, she probably didn’t need to call, she could have just waited until he called her the next time. At any rate, I can’t tell you how many girls I know that call guys because they want to know WHY the relationship ended and WHAT happened. I have bad news girls, they are never going to be fully honest, and you will never feel satisfied. Just walk away and know that it is over. That actually IS your closure.

Lesson five, my friend PR is always reminding me is to protect my heart. If I am going to step out and take a real chance with someone, I should try to be sure that he is stepping out too. It is quite awful to find yourself out on the plank as it were, alone. Looking around trying to figure out how you ended up there ...alone.

I may have to add to this post later...I know I've learned more, but these are the ones most on my mind.

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