Excuse this break from regular programming

A couple of things happened this week that made me realize I need to take a step back from my bad self and my whining.

One, my friend PR (job, not initials) rode to work together Friday. She brought her devotional since she knew that I had the same one. The reading she was on had to do with prayers and learning to pray for God's guidance and not for specific things. That, in effect, he knows what the hell we need more than we do, and we should not fret and flail about, but trust that he is taking care of 'biness (as it were.) Seems particularly appropriate these days. In addition, PR was talking about a Bible study she did that started with praising God and really thinking about how many things we have to be grateful in this life.

The second thing actually happens fairly often and that is that I get all whiney and bratty and the BFF reminds me that I don't have things so bad. Man, do I love her.

Ok, so I'm going to take a moment to give a shout out to the world.

I am totally grateful for my family. Obviously I'm totally grateful for my parents, who much to their horror found themselves boarding a cat, two miscreant dogs and their youngest child for an indefinite amount of time. (It's ok, I've decided at the end of October, back to the house sold or not.) As crazy as they make me (and they do make me crazy, although I'm feeling confident I send them over the edge too), I know I am very, very lucky to have them. Siblings, same thing. Sure, I don't talk to two of them much, but I talk to You Gotta Wonder enough that it probably makes up for the lack of convo with the other two.

Ah, the animals. I know there are people out there who don't like animals (CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE), I know there are people content not having animals (Oh, how they are missing out) but I tell you there is no love and affection that compares to that of animals. Totally unconditional. They love with total abandon, and they think you are the bomb diggity. I know I am a happier being because of my pets. Even if the bad dogs are always doing stupid stuff (currently that would include eating pork chops off the counter - ah, oops, eating a spatula, running away . . . twice, and barking like idiots for no reason).

The BFF. Do I even need to say anything else? How in the HELL do people survive without a BFF? I can't even imagine. She keeps me grounded, is always there for me and makes me a better person. Yeah, can't do much better than that.

I am so grateful that I am healthy. Swine flu is out there, but it hasn't gotten to me yet. I am certainly feeling my age as time goes by, but I know that there are lots of people with lots of health conditions and I am very lucky that girls without gall bladders just have to eat healthy to stay healthy.

Friends, all those other people that keep me going (both real time and webtime). I do believe that people come and go in our lives for reasons, and I am very grateful for all of the people that have helped me learn and become a better person along the way.

And the job. Even when I am most hating my job, I still know how lucky I am to have a job that I totally love. Truly, one of the coolest jobs in the world. And, now that Blondie has arrived, it is back to being the kind of fun teaching was when I first started. Having a buddy definitely helps to make it even more of a great thing.

The house. I love the house. I am totally torn about selling, but how lucky that I even own a home and have a roof over my head. With everything going on in the news of job losses (even in education which I didn't even think was possible), home foreclosures etc, etc, I know that I am blessed.

The drummer. No idea of how long this relationship will last, but the fact that we are moving into month 3 is a miracle in and of itself. He is so straight-forward, honest, smart, funny, kind and cool that I can hardly stand it. Stepping back and just enjoying it rather than fretting and predicting and wanting to define the direction and speed is the hardest thing I am doing right now, but I think totally worth it. I am verging on being mad crazy for this one.

So, this post is a hats off to God. Thank you for all of the blessings you have given me, and thank you for putting people in my life that remind me of all of those blessings when I really need reminding.

And, now back to our regularing scheduled programing.

The post in which I write about nothing

I would love to write about all sorts of exciting things happening in my world, but sadly, or more accurately strangely, there has been a pause in the action.

Car: I have it back. Hooray! (Did I mention that Blondie and I both have Ford Escapes. Her's is yellow, mine is blue. We have more school spirit than everyone : ) AND we have matching dents on our back left bumper. - we were meant to work together.)

Directories, although still not done, they have receded from the forefront of my troubles to being a slight bother waiting to torture me more but not at this moment. If that makes any sense at all. This probably deserves a post all of its own. I'm not even sure how I ended up in charge of all of the online student registration information getting from online to a format and design that worked for each of the 6 schools in the school district. I am eternally grateful that the Drummer, besides being a drummer happens to be one hellofa computer guy and could help me. I sucked him in by saying I thought I needed help with excel. Turned out to be a whole freaking lot more than that. He spent about 35 hours in one week on this stuff. Still shocked he didn't run like hell when he got the chance. Speaking of which . . .

The Drummer. Oh, he is confusing yours truly, that is for sure, but he is still around, still charming, still no action. I'd give details, but there are none to give at the moment. Technically I guess you could say we have only had 3 dates at this point. The last one being Saturday night, dinner and movie, but we spent a lot of time together working on the directories. I can't decide if that totally screwed the timetable up or what. Hard to tell.

The job. Ah, the job. Still adore Blondie cause she totally rocks, kids are doing great, but the adults still annoy and plague me. Same. As. Always. I do have my laptop back (finally) but we are having all sorts of problems with the computer lab which is annoying and might send one of my editors-in-chief into a total conniption fit if it doesn't get fixed soon.

The house. Well, still in my possession. It is getting showings, but no one has thrown a contact my way yet. It looks utterly fabulous and smells really good to boot. Pray, people. Pray. I would really, really like to move on. Not that my parents aren't lovely and doing an amazing job of tolerating the two dogs, the cat and me, but it is difficult none the less and I miss being surrounded by my own sheot.

Sabrina and Buddy are fabulous as always, although as mentioned the parentals aren't always totally convinced of that. They were boarded at Pappy's Pet Lodge last night to give M @ D a break (The non-stop rain combined with big dogs not getting exercise, not kind to anyone's nerves, I'll tell you that much.) At any rate, I pick them up and they got a little doggie report card. Behaved well, ate most of their food, were a blast : )

Cat is happiest when the dogs are gone, what else can I say.

My main goal this weekend is to find the keys to the storage unit. They have to be somewhere . . .now I just need to determine where somewhere is.

ships and more ships

Many topics plague the mind of the Diva these days. Certainly dating. Anyone who reads the blog would know that. The gall bladder (yes, lack thereof) also fills many posts.

In addition, I’ve been struggling with ideas regarding relationships. What makes a good one, how they last, the ones you can’t escape, and then the ones that I would never want to escape.
Relationships are difficult. All relationships. It doesn’t matter how much love is there, how much history exists or how often sex occurs. As we get older, it gets even more difficult. Everyone knows this, right?

I started blogging about 3 years ago. In the beginning it was so family and friends could keep up with the “search for a home” and then the “trip to Japan.” Eventually, I blogged to get things off my chest. I liked it. Writing into the abyss about all sorts of topics and issues, I have relieved all sorts of stress. Recently, I realized that blogging can be difficult when I find the issues I want to get off my chest involve the very people that read my blog. Awkward to say the least.

It is difficult when I want to write about things that I have no desire to discuss. If I write it, I take a chance of someone wanting to discuss it. Usually I talk to the people closest to me about the same stuff I blog about because, well, I'm a talker, but sometimes I want to write without talking. I could start a new blog, but I don’t really want to do that.

So, what I find is that I have periods of not blogging and I have to think about what the crux of an issue is before I write. I can’t just tell the tale, I have to distill the issue and really figure out what I need to get on paper, as it were. There is a bit of finesse required as I write about the things that matter to me.

We begin and end with the family. These are the relationships that define who we are and how we operate. I love my family. I have very strong principals and values because of them. They are also capable of driving me totally and completely insane. I’ve had a really good time Twittering lately because I’m getting to keep up with both of my sisters this way. Sure we could talk on the phone, but then what would I twitter? LOL I am a youngest child of a wildly intelligent family. I proudly say that I am the dumb bunny of the family because that still makes me smarter than a whole hellofalotta people; just not any people to whom I’m related.

I think I’ve pretty much beaten the romantic relationship study into the ground, so I won’t waste time on that dynamic here.

Friendships are a very powerful type of relationship, especially in the life of a single girl in the city. There are all types of friendships. Wikepedia even defines friendship for us.

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.

Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:
• the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
• sympathy and empathy,
• honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart,
• mutual understanding.

In a comparison of personal relationships, friendship is considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. Friendship and association can be thought of as spanning across the same continuum.

The interesting statement for me is that a friend is someone who you trust will do you no harm. I think of the friendships that I have had that ended abruptly, and I can say, almost down to a one, that they ended because I felt that they would do me harm or had already done me harm. I don’t mean physical. I mean mental. Close friends, like family, know the weaknesses and fears that we usually keep hidden from the world. When they push those buttons and strike out hatefully, it is painful. I will say what I have always said. If I want someone to be mean to me, to hurt my feelings, to treat me like trash, I can go to the family. No need to go outside of the bloodline for that.

Family is forever, friends don’t have to be. And sometimes they aren’t. I am lucky as hell that I have a best friend who has truly been the very definition of a friend to me. I hope that I am able to do friendship justice for her too. Frequently people begin a relationship with high hopes that it will become a true friendship, but perhaps they aren’t able to maintain a mutual understanding or they don’t end up being truly empathetic for each other. So, although they start well, they can’t maintain.

I think there are times that we try to demand more from an “association” friendship than the relationship can bear. Everyone cannot be our intimate friend.

Work friendships certainly help make the work place more fun, but it is always important to remember that they are work relationships. Push comes to shove, people will put their own work interests above friendship. That’s ok. It is just important to remember that is how it usually happens. Work relationships can work as friendships as long as work and the friendships don’t intersect. It is important to not expect a work friendship to be more than what it is. I’ve had some great work friendships through the years. Some have managed to transform themselves into a different kind of friendship, but most exist for a time and then fade or the friendship keeps the same low intimacy level but lasts for a long time.

Geographic friendships are usually neighbors. I’ve lived where I didn’t know a single neighbor and I’ve lived where I love all of my neighbors and where I’ve really enjoyed most of my neighbors. Rather be where the neighbors are fun, friendly and part of my support system. Again, most of those friendships end when you are no longer neighbors, but every once in a while you will manage to remain friends past the geographic relationship.

Certainly, the BFF is a driving force in my life. This girl knows ALL of my secrets. She reminds me of why it is important to think before I speak, the benefits of showing good manners in all situations and how lonely I’d be without her. Even though we haven’t lived in the same town in years (and not in the same country for 24 months) we talk regularly (loosely translate that as every day please) and she is always there for me the same way I will ALWAYS be there for her.

We have often discussed that having a BFF has saved us, but also perhaps made us more willing to walk away from a bad relationship. I look at that and think over and over, that I am lucky to be in that position. When a relationship goes bad, it is a painful and awful thing. It is sad and heart wrenching at times. However, keeping a friendship that isn’t working is like keeping a man who needs to be gone. It is a mistake and it is our various fears that make us keep people in our lives that aren’t doing us any good.

What life has taught me is to follow my heart and try to keep it simple when I can. I’m not saying that relationships of any kind are easy, but that relationships should be simple; straightforward. Trust in God and believe that I am following the path for which I am intended even when that takes me in a different direction than I might have imagined. Sometimes I intersect with someone else’s life and run parallel, sometimes we merge and then part. Some have been with me from the beginning and will continue to be a part of me for as long as I live.

So, on this my 570th post, I am grateful for all of the relationships in my life and all of the people that have come and gone. I am glad that I have been able to learn from almost everyone who has entered my life and that I continue to learn from the people most important to me.

Topeka

If you follow the Twitters, then you pretty much know everything that happened in Topeka. I like to keep my audience fully apprised of all the minutia in my life activities.

We arrived in Kansas City Sunday afternoon. They had SNOW.

The rental car place tried to give us a small cadillac for six people. Literally, we walked out to the car. Stared at it for a minute. Counted heads again. Contemplated the car, then trudged back inside.

After much discussion and calling to the lot dude, we got a Mercury Mountaineer.

We had a lovely drive to Topeka. Since our flight left at noon, I was pretty sure the girls wouldn't plan out in their heads how meals would work. So, we got to Topeka and they were all starving. Worked great, cause I like to eat din din earlier than most . . .

So we are at Outback Steakhouse by 5pm where I fall victim to the most delicious of delicacies . . the blooming onion. I love that thing which is unfortunate since it is fried and no longer on the approved list of foods to eat. Damn gallbladder.

That meant when I got my oh, so tender and yummy steak, I ate about 2 bites before I stopped because my stomach was NOT happy. Chit.

Last year the girls wanted to watch Enchanted when we got back to the room. This year? Frost/Nixon. I'll admit, I wasn't sure how good it would be, but we really enjoyed it.

We got to the plant at about 9am. I love the plant. There are great smells. . . It's like magic markers, glue and gas exhaust all wrapped up together. A lovely little high ; )

We were in Kansas, so it was only appropriate that we follow the yellow tape lines through the plant. . . If we weren't certain that they were amazing, they had a big banner to help us out. . . The girls noticed immediately that there was a sign identifying the "big ass books" that they do . . . please note 39111 (no irony in THAT job number)

At any rate, after sniffing my way through the plant, we went to lunch and then had to head to the airport. Talk about a quick visit.

Sabrina was waiting for me when I got home, and I picked up Buddy last night. Turns out Buddy may have been too much for my poor Dad. He is exuberant in his love and he is a danger to kidneys due to his desire to leap into laps. (He is completely unaware that 50lbs is a lot of weight to drop onto a lap suddenly.)

Final reflection on Date #6

So, this morning I dropped dog #1 off at the Canine Country Club because she plays well with others and I am going out of town in the morning. This evening I dropped dog #2 off at my parents because they apparently like him better than #1 and he does not play well with others, so it actually works out.

While there, She Who Must Be Obeyed (aka Mom) made a comment to the effect that my posts all read that the Dane was the one and I was so in love with the Dane. I decided to go back and re-read everything I wrote. It's weird. Is it possible that she is reading someone else's blog thinking it is mine? Cause really I can't find where I wrote that.

Sure I found where I wrote about the initial excitement, and the worry and stress. I found where I noted how nice he was, always willing to do whatever I wanted. But I don't see where I totally let myself go.

I say this, because I think that was part of the problem. I do stress out, so going slowly is part of the recipe for success in my world. Clearly, that didn't happen here.

In addition, although it is absolutely no ones fault, I think that when he heard about how impressive it was that he hadn't annoyed me and that I don't usually go gooey it somehow stressed him out and made him worried because that's about when he started trying to constantly take the temperature of the relationship as it were and started constantly apologizing. The stress of this past week on me didn't help anything especially with the constant calling.

I really do think he has trouble with the truth. He told me over and over that he always told the truth, and he didn't know any other way and four or five other versions of that, but the reality is "he doth protest too much." Know what I mean? Especially with all of the crazy stories he told. I thought the diamond necklace bought in Paris was over the top, big sis thought the getting fired one day and hired as a president of a new company another day was too much, but when it is all looked at together, he should have looked more like James Bond with that bio, don't you think?

As I continue my list of specific weirdness I hope to avoid in the next man, constant calling will have to be there somewhere. Call, leave a message, wait for return call. . . this is how it should work.

Long time no talk

It's official. You know it has been too long between conversations when your siblings don't recognize your voice.

"Hello"
"Hi K, it's the Diva."

Dead silence

"Your sister."
"Oh. . . what's going on?"

4 hours at the airport and counting

We got up at the crack of dawn (as projected). This followed on the heels of a night of revelry. . . not.

We ended up at a local restaurant, sat outside and enjoyed our last evening in Florida. Mom and I split the surf and turf which was really yummy. I had been trying to sport a headache since being at the mall, so by the time we got home (8pm or so), I went to the hot tub with Mom, then crashed.

I should have turned my phone off because my darling students are NOTORIOUS for calling me on any and all special occasions to say hi (usually late at night well after I have crashed and burned.) But, alas, I didn't. Lo and behold, a friend in Ca. calls me at 11 freaking 45 at night. I could have killed him. I realize it is hard to resist the time difference since it was only 8:45 when the call was made, but still. I was in a small condo with 5 other people, and I believe it is well established that given the option I'll be in bed sooner rather than later.

So, although I didn't answer the phone, it did wake me up. Just in time to hear the celebrations going on in a condo unit nearby. It wouldn't have been so bad if it had been a low rumble of noise, but there were these girls that were literally screaming like they had just seen the Jonas Brothers that set my teeth on edge.

Admittedly, I had no idea of the time when the phone went off, but I listened to them being totally obnoxious long enough to know they weren't interested in common courtesy, so I called the front desk.

I assume they decided to wait until after midnight, because I heard them count down, but then shortly after heard it get very quiet. Thank you!! (At least they were very quiet long enough for me to go back to sleep!)

It is actually close to time to hit the restroom and prepare to board the plane since I've been here about 4 hours already, it's almost more fun than I can stand. At least they have wi-fi here.

Hugs and kisses for a great new year . . . Hope everyone makes reasonable resolutions and then achieves them : )

I'm going home to take down my Christmas decorations and contemplate 2009.

Hour 48 into family vaca

OK, sorry I haven't written in a while . . . but we now have less than 24 hours left in the vacation. You know, the one that I got as a Christmas gift to go to Florida with my parents, sister and her family. . . the golfing vacation as it turns out. Only one problem with that . . . yup. I don't golf. Sigh.

It actually has been ok. I arrived Monday at about noon. Got into town, had lunch, they went to play golf I hung out. Yesterday we went to the beach. It is a little too brisk for comfortable tanning, but I did give it a good effort. We watched the manatees swim and then headed back.

Today they went golfing again, but at least I got the keys to the car and went to the mall. Tonight we celebrate Dad's bday at Outback Steak House.

Tomorrow morning we get up at the crack of dawn to head towards the airport. Their flight leaves from Miami at 11:30, and mine leaves from West Palm Beach at 1:30. Yes, I'll be at the airport all dingdong day.