Feeling Zen

What is it about moving that fills me with expectations and a desire to improve myself. Certainly this last move did nothing for me. I never managed to find my groove, get really organized, keep up with my devotionals or really anything. It was a 12 month interim of not accomplishing jack shit.

This move? This move has me filled with hope. Sure, Sabrina is still sick, so my new downstairs will still be an infirmary, BUT it is tile, so it should be easier to keep clean.

The new place has a 3rd bedroom, so I will have an office/craft/sewing/wrapping room. It will be organized, neat and orderly.

The guest room will still have to have my dresser of skivvies and the closet will have my out of season clothes, BUT it will be a lovely guest room used at least once a year when my friend PR comes to stay with me the night before school starts.

The TWO car garage will be organized with my garden tools and work tools. The washer and dryer are in the garage so that will be an organized area too.

I am putting things on Craig's List, and if I can't sell stuff, then I'll give it away. I will not hoard my shit. I will give it away so other people can hoard.

I have to admit, I really thought when I rented this place I had found the smallest kitchen in America, but then I saw the new place, and Eureka, I had found it...an even SMALLER kitchen. Does it get any better than this? NO. It's awesome. I will keep only what I really need, and let's be honest, I am not a big cooker.

In fact, I keep thinking that if my official move date is November 27, and 37 days later I go back to school, then I could give myself 37 days to get unpacked, organized and ready to go.

In the meantime, I, prepare to begin applause, have already figured out what I want my new year's resolutions to be. I am going to share because it is good. No, not unusual, no, won't be a surprise, but still good.

2011 the year of mind, body, environment. 20 minutes a day, for my mind, my body and my environment. Easy right? One hour.

So, mind - I think will be morning. I'll read my devotional or write meditatively on the blog or both.

body - beyond walking the dogs, I will drop them off and then run for twenty minutes minimum. I HAVE to burn calories.

Environment - I will spend 20 minutes a day keeping up with the house/yard, make the bed, file docs and take care of financials, keeping the place clean, etc.

Humility lessons are hateful

Interesting how the universe can conspire to teach you the lessons that God wants you to learn. I think God has been talking to me for several weeks now, but I haven't been listening very carefully. Today, he wacked me on the head. Fine. You have my attention.

Recently my sis posted about having to learn humility lessons for herself. I thought at the time, yes, those are hard. I have gotten full of myself from time to time too.

Recently a jogger was killed on the Katy Trail by a bicyclist traveling past her. She turned to go back, and he/she was going too fast? too close? whatever and hit her. A lot of the news stories talked about how she had headphones on. All I could think was what if she didn't, but tripped, would it have been more of the bicyclist's responsibility? And then I thought about how self-righteous so many of our neighborly bicyclists are and that being self-righteous only leads to trouble. Hard to reason with the self-righteous.

Recently, you might remember I started having trouble with my dog hating neighbor again. I have been feeling pretty indignant about the whole thing. In the meantime, some stuff happened at school. I realized a parallel for me is that the morning I let the dogs out at 10:30 because Sabrina had made a mess in the kitchen; I had a choice. I could have left her in the kitchen. Sure it would have been a mess, and I would have been cleaning both dogs, but they wouldn't have been outside to bark. I knew I was being naughty (taking a chance etc), but I did it anyway. I need to accept the part I played in everything that has happened since. I can be self-righteous about the why I let them out or the how infrequently I let them out early or my rights as a citizen, but in the end, I took a chance that they would behave and there wouldn't be a problem, and, well, I crapped out (no pun intended. Oh, who am I kidding? Pun totally intended)

Recently, there were some issues with twitter and students starting anonymous accounts to post mean stuff about other people. There was a comment in a post that indicated a student was on the yearbook staff. I told my students that the yearbook person needed to come forth and speak to me about it. No one did. So much for my influence and teaching them the importance of being honest about having made mistakes.

Oh, and the school issue? A little confusing, but let me see if I can sum it up. DELETED COURTESY OF CENSORSHIP I SUPPOSE. (OK, to put back- an organization at the school wanted to participate in a "senior only" thing at school that their sponsor told them not to do. They started to do it anyway, she told them again, then again. the long and the short of it is that they disobeyed their sponsor. I think they knew they were being naughty, and they didn't think they would get in trouble. But they did, and they were PISSED about having the book thrown at them by their sponsor. And, that again the lesson of taking responsibility for oneself has been lost.

So, I'm in a funk. I am not loving my job right now. I am disappointed in myself for getting such a big head when I very clearly shouldn't, and I am trying to focus on my new behavior plan.

I made a list of Rules to Work by to remind myself of my place in this little world. It might be overkill, but I think I need to keep my mouth shut and lay low for a good long while. I'm tired of finding myself looking like an idiot in front of the principal.

1. Keep your opinions to yourself.

2. "You might be right" is a magical phrase. (Learned this one from BFF. Great way to end a conversation that is going nowhere quickly.)

3. Document, document, document. I happen to be dealing with a highly litigious portion of society. Probably a good idea to keep good records.

4. It's not your business, so don't ask questions. (Maybe if I wouldn't be such a nosy Nelly I wouldn't feel a need to then share my opinions.)

5. Tell the truth, but remember everyone lies. Got this one from House. It's true.

6. If you make a mistake, admit it. Immediately. I already do this one, but it is a good one to remember anyway.

7. Be mindful of whom you trust. Goes along with the others. I need to keep my mouth shut. Everyone doesn't have my best interests at heart. Most have their own.

8. Be calm. Make your point; then shut up. I talk too much and I know it. I don't need to beat a point in the ground or raise my voice to make a point. State what my expectation is and end the discussion.

9. Keep your head down and get your work done. It's called flying under the radar. Try it.

10. Remember there is always someone looking for an opportunity to get you in trouble. Do NOT give it to them. (Got this one just yesterday from another teacher. She said that she always tries to remember that no matter how much she thinks her kids love her, there is always one that doesn't and will tell their parents if she does something she shouldn't.)

Be grateful you h ave a job. Lots of people don't.

OK, so there they are. I'm going to put them in front of me. I don't think my job is going to be as much fun for a while, and it is really going to be hard to be the professional that could be filmed in the classroom all day, but that is my new goal. I'm on a reality show 24/7 and how will what I do look on TV. YIKES.

God is going to teach me self control . . .

even if it kills me. I guess this is part of growing up. Sure, I'm behind the curve on this one, but clearly, the dear Lord feels it is time. Ok, fine, I'm down with that.

I would guess there are several areas in which he feels I would most benefit from self-control. Let's explore them one by one, shall we?

Area 1: Money. Oh, this one is a doozy. It has caused members of my family, especially my mother, and friends great angst for a long time. First, let me say, I am very bad in math. This would not be a big deal except often I think I am spending in my budget when in actuality, my numbers are off considerably. In addition, I have chosen to live a life with credit cards which means, unlike people who stop spending when they run out of money, I never actually run out of money. The beauty of plastic. It's unfortunate.

Also, having recently seen Confessions of a Shopaholic, all I can say is well, go see the movie. That's me. But without the guy. And, sadly, cheaper clothes, but more in debt. Now, I'm really depressed. Our conclusion? I need to show some self-control and spend less money. Bah, easy enough to say, but oh, so very difficult to do.

Area 2: Food. Sure, I've always had a weakness for food. I'm an eater. However, the removal of the gall bladder last summer took some of the fun out of eating, especially in light of the dr's assistant telling me that it will probably be a couple more years before my body straightens itself out and can eat fat again. Think about it people. Food with fat in it is dangerous for me. Like don't get more than 15 feet away from the restroom kind of dangerous. Like maybe I need to have a spare set of jeans in my car at all times just in case dangerous. Now think about what you eat on any given day and which of those foods are LOW FAT. Hah. Not as many as you probably think.

After a recent unpleasant incident involving a Bloomin' Onion, I have pretty much gained self control in the fried foods category. However, desserts still taunt me. Last night with a yearning for something sweet, I did a drive by on Central Market. I got a fairly small piece of cake that I thought I could cut into two pieces and have dessert for two nights. How economical. However, as I started to eat it, I just kept thinking how good it was, and maybe I could eat a little more. Oh, yes, I did. I ate the whole piece . . .less than an hour later . . .cramps and rush to the bathroom. sigh.

Today? One of the few things our school cafeteria makes especially well would be vanilla cake. Yummy, moist, spongy, delicious cake. Didn't even eat it all, but, yes, my stomach hurts. I'm going to learn self-control here too. No, I'm not a quick learner. Yes, I probably should be in God's special ed corner of slow learners, but I will learn, so help me, I WILL LEARN!!!

Area 3: I'm not sure how focused on this area God is, but I thought I would add it since it does fall under the heading of self-control. I need to remember to keep the voice inside my head . . .well, INSIDE OF MY HEAD. No need to say everything I am thinking aloud. No need to include people on my humorous and, quite frankly often insightful, little quips. They can stay in my head. Nothing in particular is making me add this, just a general sense of growing up and learning self-control would probably include this too.

So, there you have it. Blog post #2 for April and profound thoughts from yours truly.