Whole New Meaning to Defcon1

It started about 2 years ago. This past May, I convinced my doctor to give me another year. Dec 16 I decided it would be better to start now rather than later. Perhaps it would be better in winter. It isn't.

The internal electrical system of the body is an amazing thing. And when it goes haywire? OH. MY. GOD.

So, here I am. In the midst of my internal electrical system going on the fritz. Sweating my way through the nights. Suffering through terrible aches and pains. Wishing that I could avoid all of it.

I've already checked with my mother and siblings...turns out, that I will suffer enough for all of us and none of them suffered through anything of note. Shoot me.

I can only pray that although it is clearly going to be a nightmare, that it could at least go by quickly. 2018 is going to be the year of the electrical short circuit. The power grid bananza.

Whole 30

I've been staying at my friend Aimee's Casita (sounds fancy, doesn't it? It is). While here, she and her husband have been doing the whole 30 diet. Basically it is the paleo thing, meats, vegetables, fruits, no grains or anything fake.

There is no way I could do it right now, but I am sticking my feet in the water as it were trying to figure out what foods are in and what I like etc so that when I am finally in a house (soon Lord, please) I can JUST buy stuff that is paleo and do the diet. The two hardest parts could very well be the no alcohol and no cheese!

I've been surfing the net looking for recipes etc that I figured I could handle. So... stay tuned as I start getting closer to a 30 days of clean living and eating!

Things had gotten boring

It's been quite some time since I last posted. I keep wanting to post, but then I don't. Why? I don't know. Perhaps I thought my life was boring. I'm pretty sure I've fixed that problem.  Let me catch you up. Since I last wrote:

1. I have sold my house in Dallas (for a pretty penny which is still not enough!) without having a new house picked out. Turns out I could afford for me to have housing or the dogs to have housing, but not all of us. Currently, Dixie is at her grandparents, and Buddy, Jenny and Gracie are at Pappy's Pet Lodge, and I'm couch surfing.

2. I quit my job without actually having another job in play (Let's just say that is how bad it was at the old place.) Within a week it was like a HUGE weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Had things not happened the way they had, I would probably still be there which would be terrible. I knew how unhappy I had been for the last year, but I didn't appreciate it until I was gone. Know what I mean? In addition, I was dealing with some of the meanest, nastiest bully girls that I've ever dealt with. It truly made me sad that so few girls could make so many people around them miserable.

3. I decided to relocate back to Plano since my dad turned 80 this past New Year's Eve. If my kvetching of the last year each time I had to get on 635 to visit them was any indication then it is time for me to be closer to them.

So, I need to get a job, find a house, close on the house, move in and create a new life. See how the Emotional Defcon thing plays in? There's a lot of stress in my life at the moment and I'm doing the best I can with pharmaceuticals, but I gotta tell you, they can only do so much.

If you would like to keep up with the adventure... well, here is where you will do it.

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum...

I look back and see the last time I posted was September.  I was remarking upon the chaos in my life. Oh, I had no idea of what chaos was. I am in the midst of so many things changing and getting better it is hard to organize it all. It will make some fantastic posts once I can write about it all. So, I say hang loose. I have some great stories coming.

Thriving on Chaos

That may not be correct. I'm not certain thriving is the right word, but man, do I have some chaos in my life right now.

As far as yearbook goes, the beginning of school is going pretty well. The leadership team is definitely in sync, they want to lead and I think they are doing a great job.

The directories are putting gray hairs on my head. Not sure why we had a procedure in place that worked well, and now we don't...

Once again the decision to sell my house and then charge forward pell mell as school starts could be used later in my sanity hearing. That I am sure will be happening soon.

I should write more, but I got no time!!!

House Flipping & boot camp

So I have once again decided that it is time to sell a home and move on to my next project. Basically prices are so good I can't resist. I might regret this since I am financially committed, but there are no homes really available. At all. I'm screwed.

However, I am fully engrossed in the process. I have a POD coming on Thursday that I will immediately begin filling with my precious belongings and I'm hoping the new granite counters will be installed Monday.

Photos to follow!

In the meantime I have decided this is Boot Camp August. I have gone to the grocery store and purchased healthy food. I am committed to working in the yard each day and walking the dogs.

No wimping out!!

The unbearable sadness of being

My dear friend's mother died Sunday morning. She was in hospice, she was old, she had been going downhill for a while. Not unexpected. He was able to be there and hold her at the end. It hurts my heart. I know he is very sad. We all know it is the circle of life.

Monday afternoon one of the school counselors came to tell me the mother of one of our students and a good friend of mine was in the hospital dying. She had cancer. She told almost no one. She thought she won. Two weeks ago she went back into the hospital. She died yesterday.

She is my age. She is funny and smart and kind and a great mom and in love with her husband and I am filled with soul crushing sadness. Her eldest is a freshman in college. Her younger son is a sophomore in high school.

My emotions are all over the place. I miss her already while I feel horrible for being a terrible friend and not knowing.

Life and death. Makes me think of the Princess Bride. "Life is painy, your highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."

Pinterest: Friend or Foe?

I've spent hours checking out Pinterest today. Of course, that is after hours of working on finances. Povery combined with checking out the things I'd love to buy. Sigh. Probably a mistake. 

Sure, there are lots of exercise plans and inspirational quotes. There are lots of recipes for healthy food. There are lots of how to's and instructions for things I want to do. 

On the other hand, there are lots of things I want to buy, yearn to buy and neeeeeeed to buy. But no money for the buying. 

So, I'm joining the movement. I'm going on the search for poor man versions of these things. For instance, good old pinterest showed me how to make a cheap leather cleaner. 1/4 cup olive oil with 1/2 cup vinegar in a spray container. Leather cleaner for cheap! Ignore the spot Jenny started chewing. Focus on the pretty shine on the leather. 

Operations "I'm Alpha" and "Self Control"

I don’t know why I don’t think things through before coming up with great plans (and the timing of said great plans.) 

First, I have been exercising since we returned to school.  That’s about 5 weeks. I have lost a grand total of zero pounds. I don’t even know how that is possible. So I am much aggrieved over the situation. Of course, as with all things everybody and their rabbit has advice of what I should do. I finally decided that I would give it ONE WEEK of hard core self-control (translated as only 1 drink a night, 2 on Saturday, and eating super healthy, vegetables and chicken till I squawk.) And, of course, I would continue to run.

Friday afternoon I hit the grocery store and bought a chicken and a bunch of vegetables to cut up. Saturday morning, I threw the chicken in the crockpot (world’s greatest invention). I then proceeded to go run, come home, eat a little chicken and vegetables before continuing on with my day.  It pains me to say, after 24 hours I’ve lost 2 lbs. What crap. Why must eating healthy be part of the equation????

Second, my dogs, shall we say, are miscreants. Gracie barks endlessly at me, and she pees everywhere. Dixie barks endlessly at Gracie and, quite frankly, starts fights. Buddy steals any and all food he can get his paws on as evidenced by my back yard which is the graveyard for food I wasn’t fast enough to put away. He’s the Houdini of food thieves.

So, I have kennels in the TV room that they all go to when I leave the house. I also have kennels in the bedroom, because, wait for it, I’m making them sleep in the kennels at night now. I will show them I am in charge if it kills all of us. (Side note: yes, that is six kennels, plus one loaned out to a friend and a spare. Can’t really explain how I have so many, but I do, and it’s turning out to be convenient.)

I also borrowed my parents “dog barking” house… it’s a device that when it hears the dogs barking emits a high pitched squeal people can’t hear to make the dogs stop barking. I’m not totally certain it works, but I’m trying.

Yesterday I left the house 3 or 4 times, and the dogs hit their kennels each time. The treats seem to help with the process, but it was nice to come home to the house being in the same condition as it was in when I left.

Last night, I will admit I gave Gracie a Benadryl to help with the “going to sleep” process. She can whine for a VERY LONG TIME and has when I have put her in her kennel in the past. Amazingly enough, Dixie was the one to whine softly in the night… luckily she gave it up after about 20 minutes.

These two operations are perhaps not best started on the same day because Operation self-control requires a calm environment so that I don’t want to eat the house empty and drink my way to poverty…on the other hand, being in a battle of the wills with three dogs really requires a lot of energy… and grapefruit juice if you know what I mean.

I probably need to do some more research to find ways to get the dogs under control, but as they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem, right? There is no doubt I have a problem. This place is mad chaos and the dogs are running the asylum. It has to stop. They are making me insane.

Of course I don't fully have a plan worked out for the week days... I work waaayyyy too many hours to leave them in kennels all day, but it kinda defeats the whole thing if they are out making messes during the week. On the other hand, part of what I'm trying to do is just get them used to going in the kennels like normal dogs. 

I’ll try to keep my act together remember to update the blog with operation details… hahaha. 

Confession

It doesn't seem to matter how much I WANT to blog daily, I am having a terrible time pulling it off. Hmm, seems familiar especially since I have been running 3-5 days a week since the first of the year. Weight lost? Yeah, that would be zero. And if todays step on the scale is indicative, I've gained. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

What kind of bent wrong crap is this?

And it's not like I don't have anything to kvetch about or extoll the greatness of...

kids not getting their work done? Lots of that. It'll be a miracle if there is a yearbook this year.

Video teacher sucks so badly I can hardly stand it? You bet. Lots of examples.

Administration doing it's usual political dance that makes my left eye twitchy... oh but of course.

Hi-lites dance and the stories that come from kids making very bad decisions... including one of my very favorite yearbook girls. You bet.

PR that deranged wench sending emails with exclamation points that make me want to gut her like a fish? Why not.

Plans for my moms 75th birthday and family relations that also make me nutty... lots of stories.

But can I manage to find the time to write about ANY of this? Apparently not.

Story. Of. My. Life.

OK, bell rang. Gotta run.

Two months?

I can't believe it has been that long since I posted. I didn't even post a new year's resolution post? How did I let that fly by. I think about how much is going on these days, and I know I have stuff to write about, so why am I not writing?

Of course what pulled me back this time is something that happened at school. I want to write about it as a learning experience for me, but we all know the last time I did that (without using names or specifics) a school board member and his daughter had kittens and caused me all sorts of trouble. Oh, what the hell, we all know one way or another the thing that will always get me in trouble is my words... verbal or written.

So this school year, in case I haven't mentioned it is about to go down on the books as the biggest all time beating. Both baffling.. the girls are always happy to say yes to whatever, and then they wander off and don't do what I ask. I have never dealt with that before. Out right mutiny. Sure. Sly unwillingness. Sometimes. Happy compliance without following through? Shoot. Me.

The senior ads have been the worst of the situation. The girls have worked their butts off. The pages are killing us. Last spring ad sales were during bomb threats and such, so it started out sideways. This summer all the ads were done on the wrong templates. AAuuugggghhhh. So they all had to be moved over and fixed.

At Christmas we did not have a single page submitted to the plant. We usually have about 550 by then. Over Christmas I did manage to submit them all. The senior staff decided to gas on it in the last three weeks of school before Christmas and got all of their first semester pages ready to go. It was impressive.

Second semester starts... and we have 2 more deadlines and 100 or so pages to go... and all of those first semester pages I submitted? Yes, they all came back as proofs within a two week period. It has been a madhouse.

We also have the flue and other illnesses flying around this place. So, it's been a bit hit or miss. One of the girls that is responsible for about 40 pages was out sick. I understand, no problem, but the pages are here waiting because she really knows where she is and what needs to be done etc. She doesn't talk to me when she gets back, apparently everything I say to her she takes as me being mean, not understanding etc etc. The hard part of that, is that I had talked to her about how I enjoyed having her on staff, but if she wanted to do something different we could work on that, and just please talk to me if there is a problem.

Does she? No, of course not. She just quits. It kills me. She knows that means all these other girls will have to do her job. And I clearly, am an idiot. The entire time she smiled at me and said, "Oh, it's fine." She was really being deceitful. It was lies. She wasn't going to tell me if there was a problem. She apparently things I'm evil and didn't mean anything I said to her??? Ug. Makes me feel gross. Makes me feel bad for the other girls. Makes me sad that this girl doesn't know how to be honest.

But, at the same time, it makes me so grateful for all of the other kids on the staff who have worked hard, and suffered through all the crap this year. They haven't quit, they haven't walked away. I know I need to tell them more often how proud I am of them and that it says so much about their character. And I am going to tell them today.

In the meantime, I'll work on posting more and getting some of the other fun stories of crap that goes down around here up.

I am...

Watching "Elementary" this morning as I get organized for my day and the immense amount of work I've set for myself to accomplish. Sherlock at the end is giving a speech about who he is saying he's neither proud of it nor does he apologize for it. I need to work on having the same response. I have been thinking a lot about that lately, especially after the chaos of the fight with PR and other things.

Both at school and in my personal life, there are times who I am is not what people think I should be. There are times who I am is almost shocking to others. That much honesty, that much unvarnished truth is not as appreciated as one might think.

I am honest. Sometimes painfully so. I am without a filter. I say things without thinking; sometimes just because I think I'm funny (turns out not always) and sometimes because I say the truth without remembing everyone doesn't want the truth.

I am a Christian. I don't always represent my believes well, I sometimes make choices that I regret because they don't serve God the way they should, but I am strong in my believes. I hope that I can become a better Christian day by day and that I can reveal my faith in ways that makes others want to know more and believe in God themselves.

I am a hard worker. Some might say I am a work horse. I am a believer in doing my best or doing nothing. I believe in that for those around me too.

I am a dog lover; much more than people. Many people know that. Some don't fully believe it until they spend some time with me.. then it becomes clear. On the upside I am loyal like the dogs I love.

I am an optimist. Even when I am I am speaking with the words of a realist or even a pessimist, I am still at heart optimistic. I do believe things work out the way they are supposed to work out.

I am dependable. I do what I say I am going to do. I am goal oriented. I like to be moving towards something. I like to feel like I am checking things off my list.

I am a teacher. That truly has been a gift from God. I don't know how he led me to this job, but I truly love what I do. I'm not always good at it. I make all sorts of mistakes, but I am always hoping to get better. I am always striving to be better.

I am, without a doubt, a work in progress. I am hoping that day by day I move closer to who and what I want to be at the end of the day.

I am not likely to change to any great degree. I am pretty much who I have always been. I am pretty much who I will alwasy be. I only hope that I can slowly become a better me.

My hold on reality is weak at best...

Well, if you have been following my twitter. You already know most of this because you have been getting the play by play as everything has unfolded. It turns out, I might be one hellova an optimist. Seriously, there is no other explanation. Well, that and I have no sense of space, time, numbers or physical properties. It's almost been painful...twitter does allow for the play by play. I'm going to use the GoPro cameras to record this weekend's project. Should be amusing.

 So, this is my wee house. I bought it with grand plans to fix it up and sell it. I haven't done all that much, but I'm about to get really busy.

A few weeks ago, I noticed a wet spot on the ceiling in the TV room. Hmmm I thought. I need to get that fixed. So I called a roofer, and I called the insurance company. Turns out, I'm getting a new roof. Whoop. They should help my plans to sell soon.  I figured it was time to start the remodeling in general...esp if I might be able to use their trashcan for my trash too!!  So I measured and went to Home Depot and chose my tile etc. to final do the kitchen and TV room floors.

I originally was buying the backer board and tile etc for both the tv room and the kitchen. Then I thought, maybe I should just do one room at a time. I called my friend Daisy and asked if she could help me get it all home...she has a minicooper too by the way. She said sure.

So there we are at home depot trying to get all the stuff home and both mini coopers are riding low. I mean really, really low. A home depot guy looks at our cars and says no. "Please let me get our truck and deliver it." We were going to but the guy was gone. "I can find a guy, " he said. Please see below. I don't know how I thought that was all going to fit. There is no way. Look at all of that stuff!!

So, they take it to my house. My garage is now quite full of tiling supplies.

Yesterday, I started the work of pulling up the laminate. I can get it all done in one day I said. Then I can tile in a day, and then grout in a day.  I started pulling up the laminate. Hmmm. Harder than I remembered.

Several hours into, I managed to pull up the two layers of laminate, although there was still the backing left behind..  I was using a scraper, a mallet, a very sharp instrument whose name I don't know. It was slow tedious and painful work. There was a lot of cursing.

By the end of the DAY I had a 3 ft by 3 ft square cleaned and looking good. My hands and back were permenantly curled, and my entire body hurt... but I had a square done... This is going to take more than a day. It was a good looking square, but wow it took a lot to get there.

So, I have revised my schedule. Assuming I can manage to go home each evening and work on a 3x3 area... I'm hoping I can pick up speed and maybe get more done on weekends.

So, now I figure it will take me two weeks to get the the laminate flooring up. Can't imagine how long it will take to lay the tile...I'm now guessing more than a day. Damn.

I don't even know what to write

Honestly, there is so much crap that has been going on, I don't even know where to start.

Work life has gotten extremely easy now that I am no longer responsible for the centennial book. I feel horribly guilty that the kids got screwed out of being a part of something really cool because someone with power decided to get pissy over a personal matter, but wow do I like having free time.

I'm planning to buy tile to do the kitchen and TV room before Thanksgiving. At least that is my plan.

The dogs continue to fight and I've got quite the gash courtesy of the 15lb terrorist.

Bubbles is better since her unintended bath, but the horn still doesn't work, so I need to take her back in. Poor baby.

And really, nothing exciting is happening beyond that.

I have been tramatized

Truly. Tramatized. The idea that someone I considered a friend has turned out to be a lying, deceitful, manipulative bitch is depressing. I clearly didn't know her at all.

And if I forget that for even a second, I'm pretty sure there is a hilt sticking out of my back from where she drove the knife in. Brutal. Just brutal.

It's bad enough that she has lied to an incredible number of people about everything from her knowledge base to whether or not she gives a holy shit about me, but that is just the beginning.

She didn't come to me and say "hey we have a problem" or "I have to tell you something before I go to God and everybody."

No, she just walked in bitched me out and then walked out. The rest of the fall out is just fall out. Beginning to end: she is a deceptive bitch.

God willing, she will not show up at my book party Wednesday. I swear I'll punch her.

It's been 2 months and a couple of days...

since my last blog post. How sad is that? Cause Shit has been a happening. I mean it. Let's see.

School started. Responsible for the production of the largest yearbook in the country AND a 250 page centennial book is kicking my ass. I am literally doing TWICE the work for the exact same pay. I am working 10-12 hour days Every. Single. Day. I'm tired. Flat tired.

I left the top down and allowed Bubbles to be rained on. Killed the eletrical system. I can not believe I did that. It was a very expensive lesson.

Now I am learning a harsh lesson about .. I don't even know what. Truth? Misjudging people?

I can't even go into details except to say that being confronted with what someone says to you, and what that person says to others and realizing that what they want others to believe doesn't relate to reality. What a bummer.

Reporter loses job for blogging

Stories like this are good reminders for me. One, what I write can get me in trouble no matter how well I think I've separated this blog from my real existence. Two, not everyone gets humor. Or thinks I'm funny (no matter how crazy that sounds.) Three, writing is a release. Having an audience allows for feedback, and we live in a world where no one ever wants anyone to step out of the "politically correct zone" Employers and vigilantes suck.

In other news, the real estate book (2nd edition) which I was supposed to have totally completed by the middle of July has at least finally gone to the printer. Still have proofs, but I'm a hellofa lot closer than I was a week ago.

Next: the real estate exam. Then school starts. ug.

All the shit I have stopped doing

I need to change some things. I am basically cranky as all get out these days. I am trying to take a little time to focus internally and figure out what I need to be changing to "get happy" as it were.

1. I finally ran yesterday for the first time in FOREVER. Now, if I can just keep it going. I know I will feel better.

2. I am getting my derrierre back in church... if you've been following this blog for any length of time you should be thinking, gee this sounds familiar. I am a better person when I am going to church. I just am. So why I let myself slack off and stop going is beyond me. I'm better during the school year about saying my morning prayers before I get in the day, but I am going to work on getting back in that groove too.

3. I need to be writing regularly (see now it looks SUPER familiar because it is all the same things that make me happy and a better person that I stop doing because...well, I have no idea.) Once we get the journalism website up and running again, I'd really like to write regularly about teaching there. Really stretch my writing skills.

4. Probably need to work on my diet. However many years it has been since the gall bladder came out, I am still plagued with issues. It still isn't totally clear to me what exactly sets my stomach off, but I do know healthy eating can only help... sigh. I'm not giving up drinking though. Forget that.

5. I have got to get back on schedule working on the house. I haven't done anything in months, and I can feel it slipping away. I learned how to tile last weekend when my BIL Jim came to town. He is awesome. I am ready to tile, but I have to pull up all the laminate, and then get the pantry put in... so it's the usual time and money. ug.

I'm sure there is more I can kvetch about, but I'm going to stop here. Maybe I can write something profound and soul searching soon. or not. It's really a crap shoot.

I used to be so good at this

I think of things to blog about all of the time. But do I blog? No. I do not. AND since I use this as my journal it means I now have huge gaps in my "memories." tragic really. Now, I have to write brief notes so I have a small chance of remembering things.

Did I write about the trip to Europe? No. And there was a lot to write about. The guy leading the trip was a bit of a wack, and I knew before the trip that I was worried. The kids were GREAT as always, but he just made me tired. I'm glad I went, but I'm glad it is over. At the end of the trip he said I had too many opinions, I talked too much and I cussed. hahaha. As if anyone who has spent 30 minutes with me in the last 20 years couldn't tell you that.

Side note- I took a ton of photos of people practically having sex in public. It was almost a theme of the trip. Total weirdness. We also went to the beach in Rome. Very lovely. I had a lot of fun having not done that before.

Another side note - I would check in with the dog sitter. Totally had to beg her for photos. Seriously, it got to the point I was requesting proof of life because I thought one of them might be dead... sigh.

Palm Springs. I can safely say that Texas is not hotter than hell. Turns out Palm Springs in July is. I went with my friends Scott and Lisa. I had a totally fantastic time. Probably one of the very best vacations I've ever had. Despite the fact after laying in the sun for ten minutes at ten am on the first day the little piece of metal on my swimming suit had literally burned my flesh requiring a wardrobe change!!

Teaching Jostens yearbook camp for three days was the usual BS. The big excitement was that for once when people got pissy with each other I was not at the center of it!! HA I enjoy it, but there are a lot of women that are a little too crazed about yearbooks etc. I just can't get that torqued up over it all.

The Gracie and Dixie continue fighting like mad things. I haven't figured out what I am going to do about that.

I am working desperately to fininsh the damn real estate book and then hand it off to the committee with a thank you and goodby. I am  totally and completely ready to be done with it.

I'm raising a 15lb terrorist

It's embarrassing. Either of the other dogs could sit on her, but we are all terrorized but the little rat. She looks pretty cute, doesn't she? She is snuggly, she is quite sweet when she wants to be.... she is also an utter hellion when she is full out barking without giving any indication of what it is she wants. 

Side note, I will say I think Dixie starts growling/barking at Gracie as much as Gracie tries to start stuff with Dixie. Of course Dixie is trying to warn Gracie away. Gracie sees it as a line in the sand she clearly needs to cross to show she is not scared. 

I have been diligently putting them both in their kennels when they start yelling at each other. It's quite tiresome.  They spend a lot of time in their kennels...