I am...

Watching "Elementary" this morning as I get organized for my day and the immense amount of work I've set for myself to accomplish. Sherlock at the end is giving a speech about who he is saying he's neither proud of it nor does he apologize for it. I need to work on having the same response. I have been thinking a lot about that lately, especially after the chaos of the fight with PR and other things.

Both at school and in my personal life, there are times who I am is not what people think I should be. There are times who I am is almost shocking to others. That much honesty, that much unvarnished truth is not as appreciated as one might think.

I am honest. Sometimes painfully so. I am without a filter. I say things without thinking; sometimes just because I think I'm funny (turns out not always) and sometimes because I say the truth without remembing everyone doesn't want the truth.

I am a Christian. I don't always represent my believes well, I sometimes make choices that I regret because they don't serve God the way they should, but I am strong in my believes. I hope that I can become a better Christian day by day and that I can reveal my faith in ways that makes others want to know more and believe in God themselves.

I am a hard worker. Some might say I am a work horse. I am a believer in doing my best or doing nothing. I believe in that for those around me too.

I am a dog lover; much more than people. Many people know that. Some don't fully believe it until they spend some time with me.. then it becomes clear. On the upside I am loyal like the dogs I love.

I am an optimist. Even when I am I am speaking with the words of a realist or even a pessimist, I am still at heart optimistic. I do believe things work out the way they are supposed to work out.

I am dependable. I do what I say I am going to do. I am goal oriented. I like to be moving towards something. I like to feel like I am checking things off my list.

I am a teacher. That truly has been a gift from God. I don't know how he led me to this job, but I truly love what I do. I'm not always good at it. I make all sorts of mistakes, but I am always hoping to get better. I am always striving to be better.

I am, without a doubt, a work in progress. I am hoping that day by day I move closer to who and what I want to be at the end of the day.

I am not likely to change to any great degree. I am pretty much who I have always been. I am pretty much who I will alwasy be. I only hope that I can slowly become a better me.

My hold on reality is weak at best...

Well, if you have been following my twitter. You already know most of this because you have been getting the play by play as everything has unfolded. It turns out, I might be one hellova an optimist. Seriously, there is no other explanation. Well, that and I have no sense of space, time, numbers or physical properties. It's almost been painful...twitter does allow for the play by play. I'm going to use the GoPro cameras to record this weekend's project. Should be amusing.

 So, this is my wee house. I bought it with grand plans to fix it up and sell it. I haven't done all that much, but I'm about to get really busy.

A few weeks ago, I noticed a wet spot on the ceiling in the TV room. Hmmm I thought. I need to get that fixed. So I called a roofer, and I called the insurance company. Turns out, I'm getting a new roof. Whoop. They should help my plans to sell soon.  I figured it was time to start the remodeling in general...esp if I might be able to use their trashcan for my trash too!!  So I measured and went to Home Depot and chose my tile etc. to final do the kitchen and TV room floors.

I originally was buying the backer board and tile etc for both the tv room and the kitchen. Then I thought, maybe I should just do one room at a time. I called my friend Daisy and asked if she could help me get it all home...she has a minicooper too by the way. She said sure.

So there we are at home depot trying to get all the stuff home and both mini coopers are riding low. I mean really, really low. A home depot guy looks at our cars and says no. "Please let me get our truck and deliver it." We were going to but the guy was gone. "I can find a guy, " he said. Please see below. I don't know how I thought that was all going to fit. There is no way. Look at all of that stuff!!

So, they take it to my house. My garage is now quite full of tiling supplies.

Yesterday, I started the work of pulling up the laminate. I can get it all done in one day I said. Then I can tile in a day, and then grout in a day.  I started pulling up the laminate. Hmmm. Harder than I remembered.

Several hours into, I managed to pull up the two layers of laminate, although there was still the backing left behind..  I was using a scraper, a mallet, a very sharp instrument whose name I don't know. It was slow tedious and painful work. There was a lot of cursing.

By the end of the DAY I had a 3 ft by 3 ft square cleaned and looking good. My hands and back were permenantly curled, and my entire body hurt... but I had a square done... This is going to take more than a day. It was a good looking square, but wow it took a lot to get there.

So, I have revised my schedule. Assuming I can manage to go home each evening and work on a 3x3 area... I'm hoping I can pick up speed and maybe get more done on weekends.

So, now I figure it will take me two weeks to get the the laminate flooring up. Can't imagine how long it will take to lay the tile...I'm now guessing more than a day. Damn.

I don't even know what to write

Honestly, there is so much crap that has been going on, I don't even know where to start.

Work life has gotten extremely easy now that I am no longer responsible for the centennial book. I feel horribly guilty that the kids got screwed out of being a part of something really cool because someone with power decided to get pissy over a personal matter, but wow do I like having free time.

I'm planning to buy tile to do the kitchen and TV room before Thanksgiving. At least that is my plan.

The dogs continue to fight and I've got quite the gash courtesy of the 15lb terrorist.

Bubbles is better since her unintended bath, but the horn still doesn't work, so I need to take her back in. Poor baby.

And really, nothing exciting is happening beyond that.

I have been tramatized

Truly. Tramatized. The idea that someone I considered a friend has turned out to be a lying, deceitful, manipulative bitch is depressing. I clearly didn't know her at all.

And if I forget that for even a second, I'm pretty sure there is a hilt sticking out of my back from where she drove the knife in. Brutal. Just brutal.

It's bad enough that she has lied to an incredible number of people about everything from her knowledge base to whether or not she gives a holy shit about me, but that is just the beginning.

She didn't come to me and say "hey we have a problem" or "I have to tell you something before I go to God and everybody."

No, she just walked in bitched me out and then walked out. The rest of the fall out is just fall out. Beginning to end: she is a deceptive bitch.

God willing, she will not show up at my book party Wednesday. I swear I'll punch her.

It's been 2 months and a couple of days...

since my last blog post. How sad is that? Cause Shit has been a happening. I mean it. Let's see.

School started. Responsible for the production of the largest yearbook in the country AND a 250 page centennial book is kicking my ass. I am literally doing TWICE the work for the exact same pay. I am working 10-12 hour days Every. Single. Day. I'm tired. Flat tired.

I left the top down and allowed Bubbles to be rained on. Killed the eletrical system. I can not believe I did that. It was a very expensive lesson.

Now I am learning a harsh lesson about .. I don't even know what. Truth? Misjudging people?

I can't even go into details except to say that being confronted with what someone says to you, and what that person says to others and realizing that what they want others to believe doesn't relate to reality. What a bummer.

Reporter loses job for blogging

Stories like this are good reminders for me. One, what I write can get me in trouble no matter how well I think I've separated this blog from my real existence. Two, not everyone gets humor. Or thinks I'm funny (no matter how crazy that sounds.) Three, writing is a release. Having an audience allows for feedback, and we live in a world where no one ever wants anyone to step out of the "politically correct zone" Employers and vigilantes suck.

In other news, the real estate book (2nd edition) which I was supposed to have totally completed by the middle of July has at least finally gone to the printer. Still have proofs, but I'm a hellofa lot closer than I was a week ago.

Next: the real estate exam. Then school starts. ug.

All the shit I have stopped doing

I need to change some things. I am basically cranky as all get out these days. I am trying to take a little time to focus internally and figure out what I need to be changing to "get happy" as it were.

1. I finally ran yesterday for the first time in FOREVER. Now, if I can just keep it going. I know I will feel better.

2. I am getting my derrierre back in church... if you've been following this blog for any length of time you should be thinking, gee this sounds familiar. I am a better person when I am going to church. I just am. So why I let myself slack off and stop going is beyond me. I'm better during the school year about saying my morning prayers before I get in the day, but I am going to work on getting back in that groove too.

3. I need to be writing regularly (see now it looks SUPER familiar because it is all the same things that make me happy and a better person that I stop doing because...well, I have no idea.) Once we get the journalism website up and running again, I'd really like to write regularly about teaching there. Really stretch my writing skills.

4. Probably need to work on my diet. However many years it has been since the gall bladder came out, I am still plagued with issues. It still isn't totally clear to me what exactly sets my stomach off, but I do know healthy eating can only help... sigh. I'm not giving up drinking though. Forget that.

5. I have got to get back on schedule working on the house. I haven't done anything in months, and I can feel it slipping away. I learned how to tile last weekend when my BIL Jim came to town. He is awesome. I am ready to tile, but I have to pull up all the laminate, and then get the pantry put in... so it's the usual time and money. ug.

I'm sure there is more I can kvetch about, but I'm going to stop here. Maybe I can write something profound and soul searching soon. or not. It's really a crap shoot.